Negotiate This!

1. What is Negotiate This!: By Caring, But Not T-H-A-T Much by Herb Cohen about?

• Comprehensive negotiation guide: The book explores negotiation as a fundamental life skill, present in all aspects of life, not just business or formal settings.
• Core philosophy: Herb Cohen introduces the concept of "caring, but not t-h-a-t much," advocating for emotional detachment to maintain composure and leverage.
• Practical strategies: Through anecdotes, metaphors, and case studies, Cohen provides actionable advice for improving negotiation outcomes in both personal and professional contexts.
• Key themes: The book covers the importance of time, information, power, and psychological tactics in shaping negotiation results.

2. Why should I read Negotiate This! by Herb Cohen?

• Timeless wisdom: Cohen draws on decades of experience, blending personal stories with historical and biblical examples to illustrate negotiation principles.
• Skill development: The book asserts that negotiation skills can be learned and improved, offering commonsense techniques for better outcomes.
• Empowerment and optimism: Readers are encouraged to see negotiation as a tool for personal freedom and creative problem-solving, fostering optimism and confidence.
• Broad applicability: The strategies are relevant for business, family, parenting, and even high-stakes situations like international crises.

3. What are the key takeaways from Negotiate This! by Herb Cohen?

• Negotiation is everywhere: Every interaction is a negotiation, and recognizing this empowers you to influence outcomes more effectively.
• Balance of care and detachment: The "caring, but not t-h-a-t much" mindset is crucial for maintaining perspective and avoiding emotional pitfalls.
• Power of information and timing: Gathering intelligence and understanding deadlines are essential for crafting successful proposals.
• Style and authenticity matter: How you negotiate—your demeanor, patience, and empathy—can be more influential than the substance of your arguments.

4. What does Herb Cohen mean by "caring, but not t-h-a-t much" in negotiation?

• Balanced involvement: Effective negotiators are engaged but maintain enough emotional distance to think clearly and make better decisions.
• Strategic advantage: This attitude signals to the other party that you have alternatives and are not desperate, strengthening your position.
• Emotional resilience: Detachment helps reduce anxiety and stress, allowing for more rational and composed responses.
• Personal anecdotes: Cohen shares examples where over-caring led to poor outcomes, highlighting the importance of this principle.

5. How does Herb Cohen’s "gaming attitude" influence negotiation success?

• Psychological detachment: Viewing negotiation as a game creates a buffer between your self-esteem and the process, reducing the impact of aggressive tactics.
• Lighten up: Humor and a relaxed demeanor can defuse tension and make negotiations more enjoyable and productive.
• Care, but not too much: This attitude allows for persistence without rigidity, letting events unfold naturally and increasing flexibility.
• Resilience under pressure: The gaming attitude helps negotiators stay calm and adaptable, even in high-stakes or adversarial situations.

6. What are the key principles and steps of negotiation in Negotiate This! by Herb Cohen?

• Voluntary agreement: Both parties must say "yes," and the negotiator’s job is to move the other from reluctance to commitment.
• Other-directed approach: Start by understanding the other party’s beliefs, motives, and values through active listening and questioning.
• Set clear objectives: Define your must-haves, would-likes, and tradeables before entering negotiations.
• Strategic concessions: Yield on procedural issues early to gain substantive concessions, and make the other side work for what you give.

7. How does Herb Cohen describe the role of style and authenticity in negotiation?

• Style over substance: Your demeanor, warmth, patience, and empathy often matter more than the content of your proposals.
• Be yourself on purpose: Authenticity builds trust and rapport, making you a more effective negotiator.
• Influential examples: Cohen cites figures like Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II, whose personal style helped them achieve significant influence.
• Relaxation and effectiveness: Embracing your unique style helps you relax and perform better during negotiations.

8. What is the "Titanic Principle" in Negotiate This! and how does it affect negotiation outcomes?

• Positions vs. interests: The Titanic Principle teaches that initial demands are just the visible tip of the iceberg, while real interests lie beneath the surface.
• Uncovering motives: Asking questions like "How did you come up with that?" helps reveal underlying concerns and needs.
• Creative problem-solving: Understanding interests enables negotiators to find mutually beneficial solutions beyond zero-sum bargaining.
• Avoiding positional haggling: Focusing only on positions leads to win-lose outcomes, while exploring interests opens the door to collaboration.

9. How does time and deadlines impact negotiation according to Negotiate This! by Herb Cohen?

• Deadlines drive action: Most concessions and decisions happen near deadlines, as time pressure forces parties to act.
• Deadlines are flexible: Cohen suggests analyzing and, if possible, negotiating deadlines rather than accepting them at face value.
• Strategic use of time: Imposing or manipulating deadlines can create incentives for the other side to concede.
• Patience pays off: Sometimes waiting and remaining calm can yield better results than rushing to close a deal.

10. What role does information play in Herb Cohen’s negotiation strategy?

• Information is power: Knowing the other party’s interests, deadlines, and constraints gives you a significant advantage.
• Active listening: Asking questions, taking notes, and reflecting back builds rapport and uncovers valuable insights.
• Lead time advantage: Gathering intelligence before formal negotiations allows you to shape expectations and prepare effectively.
• Two-way communication: Sharing timely, reality-based information can adjust the other side’s expectations and foster trust.

11. What are the main sources of power in negotiation according to Negotiate This! by Herb Cohen?

• Options and competition: Having alternatives or creating competition increases your leverage and perceived value.
• Legitimacy and symbols: Authority, precedents, and social norms can influence behavior but are open to challenge and negotiation.
• Commitment and risk-taking: Demonstrating resolve and a willingness to take calculated risks enhances your credibility and bargaining strength.
• Perception shapes reality: Believing in your own strength and options projects confidence and increases your negotiating power.

12. How does Herb Cohen address difficult negotiation contexts, such as threats, intimidation, terrorism, or parenting?

• Handling threats: Maintain composure, sometimes using humor or feigned ignorance to defuse tension and keep negotiations on track.
• Understanding motives: Probe the reasons behind threats or aggressive tactics to address root causes and reduce hostility.
• Negotiation in crisis: Cohen describes terrorism as "negotiation by violent means," emphasizing the need for calm, strategic responses.
• Parenting as negotiation: He shares strategies for distinguishing nonnegotiables from preferences, minimizing peer pressure, and fostering open communication with children.