A Cup of Water Under My Bed

1. Language shapes identity and belonging in immigrant families

"Spanish is flaca and defenseless, so I start pushing her around, then hating her. She's like an auntie who talks louder than everyone else, who wears perfume that squeezes your nostrils. I want her to stop embarrassing me. I want her to go away."

Language as identity. For immigrant families, language is more than a means of communication; it's a vessel of cultural identity. The author's complex relationship with Spanish reflects the broader struggle of first-generation Americans to reconcile their heritage with their desire to assimilate. This internal conflict manifests in:

• Embarrassment about speaking Spanish in public
• Resentment towards family members who don't speak English
• A gradual loss of fluency in the mother tongue

Translator's burden. As a child of immigrants, the author becomes a linguistic bridge between her family and the English-speaking world. This role comes with:

• Responsibility beyond her years
• Exposure to adult conversations and concerns
• A unique perspective on both cultures

2. Cultural expectations and gender roles create tension for first-generation Americans

"You betray your parents if you don't become like them," she tells me, "and you betray them if you do."

Generational divide. First-generation Americans often find themselves caught between two worlds, struggling to meet the expectations of their immigrant parents while forging their own identities in a new cultural context. This tension manifests in:

• Disagreements over career choices
• Conflicts about dating and relationships
• Differing views on success and the American Dream

Gender expectations. The author's experiences highlight the additional pressures faced by women in immigrant families:

• Traditional roles vs. modern aspirations
• The expectation to marry within one's culture
• The burden of upholding family honor

3. Sexuality and queerness challenge traditional family dynamics

"I don't know if Tía Dora actually knew an indigenous person in Colombia, but she was intimate with poverty and parasites and alcoholism. To be both poor and sick in any country is to realize at every turn that you are expendable and that this is how the world treats its first peoples."

Coming out. The author's journey of discovering and embracing her bisexuality presents a unique challenge to her family's traditional values. This process involves:

• Fear of disappointing or hurting family members
• Navigating cultural taboos around sexuality
• Finding a balance between authenticity and family acceptance

Intersectionality. The author's experiences as a queer woman of color highlight the complex interplay of identity factors:

• Facing discrimination within both LGBTQ+ and Latinx communities
• Challenging stereotypes and expectations from multiple angles
• Finding strength in embracing all aspects of one's identity

4. Class struggles and economic realities shape immigrant experiences

"Not going to the unemployment agency means we can avoid seeing the pain of other people. We don't need to know English to understand the black security guard telling someone on the line, 'No, sir. According to this, you have nothing left to collect.'"

Economic precarity. The author's family, like many immigrant families, faces constant financial instability. This reality shapes their worldview and decisions:

• The constant fear of job loss and unemployment
• The need to work multiple jobs or long hours
• The pressure to succeed academically as a means of economic mobility

Class consciousness. Growing up in a working-class immigrant community, the author develops a keen awareness of class differences:

• Observing the struggles of factory workers and day laborers
• Recognizing the privileges afforded by education and assimilation
• Grappling with feelings of guilt and responsibility as she moves up the socioeconomic ladder

5. Writing becomes a tool for self-discovery and connecting with one's roots

"Writing is how I learn to love my father and where I come from. Writing is how I leave him and also how I take him with me."

Power of storytelling. For the author, writing becomes a means of making sense of her complex identity and family history. Through her craft, she:

• Explores the nuances of her cultural heritage
• Gives voice to the struggles of her immigrant community
• Bridges the gap between her past and present selves

Literary legacy. The act of writing connects the author to a broader tradition of immigrant and working-class literature:

• Drawing inspiration from other writers of color
• Contributing to the canon of Latinx American literature
• Using her platform to shed light on underrepresented experiences

6. Navigating professional spaces as a person of color reveals systemic inequalities

"I am acutely aware of the streets in Manhattan, of the way darkness never wins here, not even at night, but is always kept at bay by street lamps and the bobbing headlights of taxis and limos and buses."

Imposter syndrome. As the author enters prestigious institutions like the New York Times, she grapples with feelings of inadequacy and otherness:

• Struggling to fit in with predominantly white colleagues
• Feeling pressure to represent her entire community
• Navigating microaggressions and subtle forms of discrimination

Code-switching. To succeed in professional spaces, the author learns to adapt her behavior and communication style:

• Modulating her speech patterns and accent
• Downplaying certain aspects of her cultural background
• Balancing authenticity with the need to conform to workplace norms

7. Family stories and cultural practices carry hidden wisdom and resilience

"We are a year or more out of high school when my best friend Geralen decides she wants her future read. Tía Chuchi is delighted at the news. She fancies herself an intermediary between the women who officially know and the rest of us, and it is with her that we take Geralen to see Conchita, who lives off of Bergenline Avenue in one of those apartments where the steps shift beneath our feet and make me wonder about public-safety regulations."

Oral traditions. The author's family history is preserved through storytelling, passing down wisdom and cultural knowledge:

• Bedtime stories that impart life lessons
• Family anecdotes that reveal historical truths
• Superstitions and folk beliefs that provide comfort and guidance

Cultural practices. Rituals and customs serve as a link to the family's roots and a source of strength:

• Religious observances that unite the community
• Traditional remedies and healing practices
• Celebrations that reinforce family bonds and cultural identity

8. The American Dream has different meanings across generations

"I want to tell her now that sexuality is not an illness. Love is not a parasite. And even if it were, we should speak about it. We should name it."

Shifting aspirations. The concept of the American Dream evolves from the first generation to the next:

• Parents: Focus on economic stability and survival
• Children: Pursuit of education and professional success
• Grandchildren: Emphasis on personal fulfillment and social justice

Redefining success. The author grapples with reconciling her family's expectations with her own vision of success:

• Challenging traditional markers of achievement
• Seeking meaning beyond material wealth
• Balancing individual aspirations with community responsibility

9. Confronting racism and discrimination requires courage and self-reflection

"I glance at him to make sure he is really here in the room with me, that he has actually said those words. I don't expect to see the familiar face of the skinny man I have known for two months. Surely his words have distorted his forehead and his eyelids and his nostrils. But no such thing has happened. He is still the same man with the flaco face and a high-up job at an important institution."

Microaggressions. The author encounters subtle forms of racism throughout her life, forcing her to confront uncomfortable truths:

• Recognizing internalized biases within her own community
• Navigating stereotypes and prejudices in professional settings
• Learning to speak up against discriminatory behavior

Allyship and advocacy. As she gains more privilege and influence, the author grapples with her responsibility to advocate for others:

• Using her platform to amplify marginalized voices
• Challenging systemic inequalities in her workplace and beyond
• Educating others about the immigrant experience and cultural diversity

Last updated: January 25, 2025