A Mother's Rule of Life

1. Recognize the need for order and structure in motherhood

I was pounding the kitchen table with my fist and issuing an ultimatum to my husband, Philip.

Overwhelm is common. Many mothers experience feelings of being overwhelmed by their responsibilities, struggling to balance the demands of family, housework, and personal needs. This feeling of chaos can lead to frustration, resentment, and a sense of failure.

Structure brings peace. Implementing a structured approach to daily life can help alleviate stress and create a more harmonious home environment. A Mother's Rule of Life is a tool designed to bring order to the chaos, allowing mothers to fulfill their vocation more effectively and find peace in their daily routines.

Inspiration from religious life. The concept of a Mother's Rule of Life is inspired by the structured routines found in religious communities. By adapting these principles to family life, mothers can create a balanced and purposeful approach to their vocation.

2. Implement the Five P's: Prayer, Person, Partner, Parent, Provider

God has given each of us a great gift: the gift of ourselves.

Holistic approach. The Five P's provide a comprehensive framework for addressing all aspects of a mother's vocation:

• Prayer: Spiritual life and relationship with God
• Person: Personal well-being and self-care
• Partner: Marriage and relationship with spouse
• Parent: Child-rearing and education
• Provider: Home management and resource stewardship

Prioritization is key. By organizing responsibilities according to these categories, mothers can ensure they are giving appropriate attention to each area of their lives. This framework helps prevent neglect of important aspects of vocation and personal growth.

Balance and integration. The Five P's are interconnected and mutually supportive. Growth in one area often leads to improvements in others, creating a virtuous cycle of personal and familial development.

3. Prioritize your relationship with God through regular prayer

God doesn't want you to live like this.

Prayer as foundation. A strong prayer life is essential for spiritual growth and finding meaning in daily tasks. Regular prayer helps mothers connect with God, seek guidance, and find strength to fulfill their vocation.

Practical prayer schedule. Establish a consistent prayer routine that fits your family's schedule:

• Morning offering and Scripture reading
• Midday prayers or chaplets
• Evening family prayer
• Personal reflection time

Sacramental life. Frequent participation in the sacraments, particularly the Eucharist and Confession, provides grace and strength for living out one's vocation.

4. Nurture your personal well-being and address emotional needs

I began to realize that not only had I inherited this personal disorder with Original Sin, but I had also seriously aggravated it by my own sinful actions.

Self-awareness is crucial. Take time to understand your emotional and psychological needs. Recognize patterns of behavior, triggers, and areas for growth.

Holistic self-care. Attend to your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being:

• Adequate sleep and rest
• Regular exercise
• Healthy nutrition
• Personal hobbies and interests
• Emotional support through friendships or counseling

Healing and growth. Address past hurts, traumas, or unhealthy patterns through prayer, professional help, and spiritual direction. Cultivate virtues and work on overcoming vices to achieve greater personal integration.

5. Strengthen your marriage through effective communication and mutual support

Marital love was not what the fairytales said.

Love as a decision. Understand that marital love is not primarily about feelings but about a commitment to seek the good of your spouse. Make conscious efforts to serve and support your partner.

Communication skills. Develop effective communication habits:

• Active listening
• Expressing needs and concerns clearly
• Avoiding blame and criticism
• Seeking compromise and mutual understanding

Mutual submission. Strive for a balance of authority and responsibility in your marriage, working together as equal partners in decision-making and family life.

6. Embrace your role as a parent and primary educator

Raising my own children with a Christian worldview was the biggest contribution to society that I could possibly make.

Mission of motherhood. Recognize the profound importance of your role as a parent in shaping the next generation. Your daily efforts in raising and educating your children have far-reaching impacts on society.

Holistic education. Focus on developing your children's:

• Faith and moral character
• Intellectual abilities
• Physical health
• Emotional intelligence
• Practical life skills

Discipline with love. Establish clear expectations and consequences for behavior, always rooted in love and respect for the child's dignity. Strive for consistency and patience in discipline.

7. Manage your home and resources efficiently as a steward

I couldn't see how agitated prayer was any good. My mother would say, "Holly, it doesn't matter how you feel about it. Just do it."

Stewardship mindset. View your home and resources as gifts entrusted to you by God. Manage them responsibly and efficiently for the good of your family and others.

Practical home management. Develop systems for:

• Meal planning and preparation
• Cleaning and maintenance routines
• Laundry and clothing care
• Financial budgeting and planning

Simplify and organize. Regularly declutter and organize your home to create a more peaceful environment and streamline daily tasks.

8. Develop a practical Mother's Rule of Life schedule

Just as God's provision of the earth was meant to meet the human needs of Adam and Eve, and, in doing so, he provided a paradise, so, too, my home needed to meet a twofold purpose: it had to be functional and beautiful, at least to us.

Assess your needs. Take time to analyze your family's unique needs and circumstances. Consider the ages of your children, work commitments, and personal priorities.

Create a flexible structure. Develop a daily and weekly schedule that addresses all Five P's:

• Set specific times for prayer and spiritual activities
• Schedule self-care and personal development
• Allocate time for your spouse and marriage
• Plan educational and family activities
• Organize household tasks and responsibilities

Involve the family. Create age-appropriate chore charts and routines for children to participate in family life and develop responsibility.

9. Overcome sloth and cultivate determination in following your Rule

Sloth is a "sluggishness of soul or boredom of the exertion necessary for the performance of any good work."

Recognize resistance. Be aware of internal resistance to following your Rule, often manifested as procrastination, excuse-making, or feelings of overwhelm.

Cultivate virtue. Combat sloth by developing:

• Discipline in following your schedule
• Perseverance in the face of difficulties
• Patience with yourself and your progress

Seek grace. Rely on God's grace through prayer and the sacraments to strengthen your will and overcome weakness.

10. Continuously refine and adapt your Rule for spiritual growth

Maybe I could start doing every little thing for the love of God. Maybe I could just start offering everything up to him. This would surely help my soul, wouldn't it?

Ongoing process. View your Mother's Rule as a living document that evolves with your family's changing needs and your personal growth.

Regular evaluation. Set aside time periodically to assess the effectiveness of your Rule:

• What's working well?
• What areas need adjustment?
• Are all Five P's being adequately addressed?

Deepen your motivation. As you grow in your Rule, strive to perform all tasks out of love for God and your family. Offer up daily activities as a form of prayer and service.

Last updated: November 7, 2024