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A Return to Modesty

A Return to Modesty

Discovering the Lost Virtue
by Wendy Shalit 2000 304 pages
3.79
1k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. The Culture of Immodesty Has Devastated Young Women's Emotional Well-being

"We thought that with the sexual revolution we could reverse the Fall, forget what we know, but that knowledge keeps coming back to haunt us."

Cultural Destruction of Feminine Nature. Contemporary society has created an environment that fundamentally undermines women's emotional and psychological well-being. By promoting a culture of casual sexual encounters and dismissing women's inherent sensitivities, the modern world has stripped women of their natural protective mechanisms.

The devastation manifests through various psychological and physical symptoms:

  • Increased rates of eating disorders
  • Higher instances of self-mutilation
  • Widespread depression and anxiety
  • Loss of romantic hope
  • Diminished self-respect

Systemic Emotional Trauma. The current cultural paradigm forces women into behavioral patterns that contradict their innate emotional needs, resulting in widespread psychological distress. Women are pressured to suppress their natural inclinations towards emotional depth and meaningful connections.

2. Sexual Education and Early Sexualization Harm Childhood Innocence

"Somehow adults have forgotten that we do, in fact, arrive in this world innocent, no matter how knowing is the culture in which we arrive."

Premature Sexual Awareness. Modern sexual education systematically destroys children's natural innocence by introducing sexual concepts at increasingly younger ages. This premature sexualization robs children of their psychological and emotional developmental stages.

Concerning trends include:

  • Sex education starting in kindergarten
  • Explicit sexual content in school curricula
  • Normalization of sexual discussions among children
  • Erosion of childhood boundaries

Psychological Consequences. Early sexualization creates profound psychological disruptions, forcing children to process complex emotional and sexual information before they are developmentally prepared, leading to confusion, anxiety, and potential long-term emotional damage.

3. Modern Culture Systematically Destroys Female Vulnerability and Sensitivity

"If women want the men to be good, they have to want to be good too."

Suppression of Feminine Emotional Landscape. Contemporary culture systematically pathologizes women's natural emotional vulnerability, treating sensitivity as a weakness to be eliminated rather than a strength to be celebrated and protected.

Manifestations of this destruction include:

  • Widespread prescription of Prozac
  • Stigmatization of emotional depth
  • Pressure to be emotionally detached
  • Mockery of romantic aspirations

Emotional Sterilization. The modern approach seeks to transform women into emotionally stunted versions of themselves, eliminating the nuanced, complex emotional intelligence that historically defined feminine strength.

4. Romantic Hopes and Emotional Depth Are Being Systematically Suppressed

"We are constantly judged and reevaluated, even by our lovers, the ones with whom it was once thought one could rest."

Commodification of Human Relationships. Contemporary culture has transformed intimate human connections into transactional experiences, stripping away depth, mystery, and genuine emotional investment.

Symptoms of this transformation include:

  • Normalized casual sexual encounters
  • Disposable relationship models
  • Reduced commitment expectations
  • Celebration of emotional detachment

Loss of Relational Meaning. By eliminating romantic hope and emotional depth, society has created a sterile interpersonal landscape where genuine connection becomes increasingly rare and challenging.

5. The Sexual Revolution Betrayed Women's Fundamental Needs

"The sexual revolution seems to have failed mostly because it ignored the differences between the sexes."

Misguided Liberation. What was presented as women's liberation actually created a more restrictive and harmful environment, forcing women to adapt to male-centric sexual paradigms.

Consequences of this betrayal include:

  • Increased sexual vulnerability
  • Higher rates of emotional trauma
  • Reduced relationship satisfaction
  • Loss of female agency

False Empowerment. The sexual revolution promised freedom but delivered a new form of psychological constraint, compelling women to conform to behaviors antithetical to their intrinsic emotional needs.

6. Modesty Is a Natural, Protective Psychological Mechanism

"Modesty is our way of affirming our essential innocence."

Innate Psychological Defense. Modesty emerges as a natural, evolutionarily developed mechanism for protecting emotional and physical boundaries, not as an artificial social construct.

Evidence of modesty's natural origins:

  • Universal across cultures
  • Consistent psychological patterns
  • Biological basis in emotional self-preservation
  • Protective function in interpersonal interactions

Psychological Resilience. Modesty serves as a sophisticated psychological tool for maintaining personal integrity and emotional safety in complex social environments.

7. Women Are Biologically Wired Differently from Men Sexually

"Female desire actually was not discovered in the 1960s."

Fundamental Biological Distinctions. Women's sexual experiences and desires fundamentally differ from men's, characterized by greater emotional complexity and depth.

Key biological differences include:

  • More investment in reproductive processes
  • Greater emotional attachment
  • Different sexual motivation patterns
  • More nuanced relationship expectations

Holistic Sexual Understanding. Recognizing these inherent differences allows for a more respectful and comprehensive approach to female sexuality.

8. Social Pressure Drives Women Against Their Natural Inclinations

"Once women, as a group, forsake their natural power for an illusory one, it becomes difficult to reclaim that power individually."

Collective Psychological Coercion. Social mechanisms create powerful pressures that compel women to act against their authentic desires and emotional instincts.

Pressure manifestations:

  • Stigmatization of traditional relationship models
  • Mockery of romantic aspirations
  • Professional and social penalties for non-conformity
  • Normalized emotional self-suppression

Psychological Resistance. Despite intense societal pressures, women are increasingly recognizing and resisting these constraining expectations.

9. Returning to Modesty Offers Psychological Liberation

"Sexual modesty is a virtue for us and will become a virtue for increasing numbers of us because it's a way of affirming our essential innocence."

Reclaiming Emotional Authenticity. Embracing modesty represents a profound act of psychological self-preservation and personal rebellion against destructive cultural norms.

Liberation dimensions:

  • Restoration of emotional boundaries
  • Reconnection with authentic self
  • Protection of personal dignity
  • Resistance to cultural objectification

Transformative Potential. Modesty emerges as a powerful mechanism for psychological healing and personal empowerment.

10. Cultural Interference Destroys Young Women's Innocence

"Sometimes it seems as if we have forgotten all about protecting our girls."

Systemic Assault on Childhood. Contemporary culture systematically undermines young women's natural developmental processes, forcing premature sexualization and emotional complexity.

Destructive interference includes:

  • Inappropriate sexual education
  • Media sexualization
  • Erosion of protective social structures
  • Elimination of developmental boundaries

Preservation of Innocence. Recognizing and actively protecting young women's psychological development becomes a critical social imperative.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.79 out of 5
Average of 1k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

A Return to Modesty challenges modern views on sexuality and feminism, advocating for a return to traditional values of modesty and chivalry. While some readers praise Shalit's insights and courage in questioning societal norms, others criticize her reliance on anecdotes and generalizations. The book sparks debate on topics such as sexual liberation, gender roles, and the impact of the sexual revolution on women's well-being. Despite its controversial nature, many readers find it thought-provoking and appreciate its counter-cultural perspective on modesty and relationships.

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About the Author

Wendy Shalit is an American author known for her controversial views on modesty and feminism. Born in 1975, she gained attention with her first book, "A Return to Modesty," published in 1999 when she was in her early twenties. Shalit's work often challenges modern feminist ideals and advocates for a return to traditional values. She argues that the sexual revolution has negatively impacted women and society as a whole. Shalit's writing style is described as humorous and insightful, though some critics find her arguments reductionist and lacking in scientific rigor. Despite criticism, her work has sparked important conversations about gender roles, sexuality, and cultural norms in contemporary society.

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