Aman

1. War and Tradition Shape a Young Girl's Destiny

Father is your main blood.

Lineage and Identity. Aman's story begins with her grandmother's experience as a refugee from tribal warfare, highlighting how conflict and displacement have long been intertwined with Somali identity. The importance of lineage is emphasized, with descent traced exclusively through the father, determining political affiliation and social standing.

Tradition and Survival. The narrative illustrates how traditions, such as arranged marriages and the emphasis on lineage, are both a source of strength and a constraint. While these customs provide a framework for survival and social cohesion, they also limit individual choices, particularly for women.

Early Hardships. Aman's early life is marked by the echoes of war and the weight of tradition, setting the stage for her personal struggles and her eventual quest for independence. The story emphasizes the resilience required to navigate a world shaped by both external forces and deeply ingrained cultural norms.

2. Women Navigate Power Through Marriage and Divorce

No women would say no, because they all wanted a place to live.

Marriage as a Strategy. In Aman's world, marriage is often viewed as a strategic alliance, particularly for women seeking security and social standing. Women navigate power dynamics through their choices in marriage, even within the constraints of arranged unions.

Divorce as Agency. Divorce, while carrying social stigma, is presented as a means for women to assert their agency and escape undesirable situations. Aman's mother's multiple marriages and divorces demonstrate a willingness to challenge societal expectations and prioritize personal happiness.

Challenging Norms. The narrative highlights the complex ways in which women negotiate their roles within a patriarchal society, using both traditional avenues and unconventional strategies to gain autonomy and influence. The women in Aman's life, particularly her mother, serve as models of resilience and resourcefulness in the face of societal constraints.

3. Loss and Resilience Define Aman's Early Life

Life is hard, she said, and one person can’t survive alone.

Recurring Loss. Aman's early life is marked by a series of losses, including the deaths of siblings, the absence of her father, and the constant struggle against poverty and disease. These experiences shape her understanding of the world and her determination to overcome adversity.

Resilience as a Survival Tool. Despite the hardships she faces, Aman demonstrates remarkable resilience, adapting to changing circumstances and finding strength in her own resourcefulness. Her ability to persevere in the face of adversity becomes a defining characteristic.

The Importance of Community. The narrative emphasizes the importance of community support in navigating difficult times. Aman's reliance on family, friends, and even strangers highlights the interconnectedness of Somali society and the shared responsibility for the well-being of its members.

4. Poverty and Hardship Temper Aman's Spirit

There are many people that life makes low—people make them low, the system makes them low, and it’s terrible.

Economic Struggles. Poverty is a constant presence in Aman's life, shaping her choices and limiting her opportunities. The narrative vividly portrays the daily struggles of a family trying to survive in a harsh environment with limited resources.

Child Labor and Exploitation. Aman's experience working as a maid for an Arab family exposes the vulnerability of children in poverty and the potential for exploitation. Her resilience and determination to escape this situation highlight her strength of character.

The Drive to Help. Despite her own hardships, Aman is driven by a desire to help her family and improve their circumstances. This sense of responsibility and compassion motivates her to seek out opportunities and overcome obstacles.

5. Circumcision: A Rite of Passage with Lasting Impact

When you open them, the pain and your clitoris will be gone.

Cultural Significance. Female circumcision is presented as a deeply ingrained cultural practice with significant social and religious implications. The narrative explores the complex motivations behind the practice, including concerns about female sexuality, virginity, and social acceptance.

The Trauma of the Experience. Aman's vivid description of her own circumcision highlights the physical and emotional trauma associated with the procedure. The narrative challenges romanticized notions of tradition and exposes the harsh realities faced by many Somali girls.

Ambivalence and Acceptance. Despite the pain and trauma, Aman initially expresses a sense of pride and acceptance of the practice, reflecting the cultural pressures and expectations surrounding female circumcision. This ambivalence underscores the complexities of navigating tradition and personal agency.

6. Education and Rebellion Clash in Mango Village

I was tough too, but they didn’t know that.

The Promise of Education. Education is presented as a potential pathway to a better life, offering opportunities for personal growth and social mobility. Aman's initial enthusiasm for school reflects her desire to escape the limitations of her circumstances.

Social Exclusion and Bullying. Aman's experiences with bullying and social exclusion highlight the challenges faced by those who are perceived as different or marginalized. Her struggles to fit in underscore the importance of social acceptance and belonging.

Rebellion as a Response. In response to the challenges she faces, Aman embraces rebellion, skipping school, fighting with other girls, and seeking validation from boys. This defiance reflects her growing disillusionment with societal expectations and her determination to forge her own path.

7. Love and Loss Intertwine with Social Constraints

They loved each other. But my mother was hard and jealous and Daddy was after a lot of women.

First Love and Social Barriers. Aman's relationship with Antony, a white boy, exposes the deep-seated prejudices and social constraints that govern interracial relationships in Somali society. Their love is tested by societal disapproval, family opposition, and the ever-present threat of violence.

The Pain of Separation. The forced separation from Antony leaves Aman heartbroken and disillusioned, highlighting the devastating impact of social forces on personal relationships. This loss further fuels her sense of alienation and her determination to challenge societal norms.

The Search for Connection. Despite the pain of loss, Aman continues to seek connection and intimacy, forming relationships with other boys and men. These relationships, however, are often fraught with challenges and ultimately fail to provide the lasting fulfillment she craves.

8. Seeking Freedom Leads to Difficult Choices

I wanted to give Mama more than she had because she had already done so much, and she fought so hard to keep us with her.

Economic Necessity vs. Personal Freedom. Aman's decision to work for white families, despite the social stigma, reflects her determination to provide for her family and achieve economic independence. This choice, however, comes at a cost, as it further alienates her from her community and exposes her to exploitation.

The Allure of the City. Mogadishu represents both opportunity and danger for Aman. While the city offers the promise of freedom and social mobility, it also exposes her to new forms of exploitation and violence.

The Cycle of Abuse. Aman's experiences with men, including her marriage to an older man and her subsequent rape, highlight the vulnerability of women in a patriarchal society and the cycle of abuse that can perpetuate across generations.

9. Finding Strength in Female Bonds and Independence

Somali women are the brain of Somalia.

The Power of Female Friendship. Throughout her journey, Aman finds solace and support in her relationships with other women, particularly Zaytuun. These friendships provide a sense of belonging and validation in a world that often seeks to marginalize and control women.

The Importance of Independence. Aman's determination to be independent and self-reliant is a recurring theme in her story. She resists societal expectations and seeks to forge her own path, even in the face of overwhelming obstacles.

Redefining Success. Aman's ultimate goal is not to achieve wealth or social status, but to find a sense of peace and fulfillment. Her journey is a testament to the power of the human spirit to overcome adversity and create a meaningful life, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges.

10. The Scars of Tradition and the Hope for a New Path

We should love each other and care for each other and help each other, so Allah can help us.

The Enduring Impact of Tradition. Despite her efforts to break free from societal constraints, Aman remains deeply affected by the traditions and values of her culture. The scars of her past continue to shape her present and influence her choices.

The Quest for Healing. Aman's story is ultimately a quest for healing and reconciliation. She seeks to make peace with her past, find forgiveness for her mistakes, and create a better future for herself and her community.

A Call for Change. Aman's narrative serves as a powerful call for change, urging readers to challenge harmful traditions, promote gender equality, and create a more just and compassionate world. Her story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring hope for a brighter future.

Last updated: March 29, 2025