American Like Me

1. Navigating Dual Identities: Feeling Both American and Other

I am nine years old, and suddenly I am wondering what do I call an American like me.

Growing up between worlds. Many contributors describe feeling simultaneously deeply American and distinctly "other." This often stems from cultural differences at home (language, food, customs) that clash with mainstream American norms, leading to confusion about where they truly belong. The feeling of being "too much" of one culture and "not enough" of the other is a common experience.

The "Where are you really from?" question. This seemingly innocent question, often asked despite being born in the U.S., highlights the perception that certain appearances or names don't fit a narrow definition of "American." It forces individuals to constantly explain or justify their identity, reinforcing a sense of not being the default or norm. Examples include:

• America Ferrera being questioned about her name and parents' origin.
• Reshma Saujani's name not being on keychains and baristas struggling with it.
• Bambadjan Bamba being asked if people wore clothes in Africa.

Internalizing external perceptions. External judgments and stereotypes can lead to internal conflict and a desire to assimilate completely. This might involve hiding cultural practices, changing names, or trying to adopt behaviors perceived as "American," sometimes at the cost of self-acceptance.

2. Parents' Sacrifices and Unspoken Love Shape Our Paths

They changed their names so I wouldn’t have to.

Immigrant parents' profound sacrifices. Many contributors' parents left everything behind – family, careers, language, even their names – to provide better opportunities for their children in America. This immense sacrifice often came with significant hardship, struggle, and a quiet determination to build a new life from scratch. Examples include:

• Reshma Saujani's parents changing their names and enduring prejudice.
• Michelle Kwan's parents selling their house and working multiple jobs to fund her skating.
• Wilmer Valderrama's parents risking everything to escape violence in Venezuela.

Love expressed through action, not words. For many immigrant parents, love was demonstrated through tireless work, providing for the family, and ensuring their children's education and safety, rather than through overt emotional expression or verbal affirmations. This practical, often unspoken, love was a powerful foundation. Randall Park describes his parents as an "instruction manual" – there for setup and troubleshooting, but not for story.

High expectations as a form of care. Parents often placed immense pressure on their children to succeed academically and professionally, viewing it as the fulfillment of their own sacrifices. While sometimes burdensome, these high expectations were rooted in a deep desire for their children to have the stable, successful lives they had envisioned.

3. Prejudice and Stereotypes Challenge Belonging, But Can Fuel Resilience

Even at home I walked a fine line between assimilating to American ways enough to make my mom proud, and adapting in ways that would disgrace and shame her.

Facing stereotypes from multiple sides. Individuals often encounter prejudice not only from the dominant culture but also sometimes from within their own ethnic communities or other minority groups. This can create a complex social landscape where one feels judged for being "too American" or "not [ethnic group] enough." Examples include:

• America Ferrera being called a "wannabe white girl" by Latina peers and "exotic" by white friends' parents.
• Bambadjan Bamba being bullied by African-American kids for being African.
• Anjelah Johnson-Reyes wanting to be a "chola" but not feeling "Latino enough."

Stereotypes limit perception and opportunity. Preconceived notions about race, ethnicity, or background can restrict opportunities and force individuals into narrow boxes. This is particularly evident in fields like entertainment, where casting directors or agents may have limited views of who can play certain roles.

• America Ferrera being asked to "sound more Latina" (meaning speak broken English).
• Randall Park's parents worrying about his acting career as an "Oriental guy."
• Jeremy Lin being underestimated as an Asian basketball player.

Turning prejudice into motivation. Experiencing discrimination and having to constantly prove oneself can build resilience and determination. The desire to defy negative stereotypes and expectations can become a powerful driving force for success and self-acceptance.

4. Finding Strength and Pride in Unique Heritage and Differences

I realized the best part of ME is how I stood out from the crowd.

Embracing what makes you different. While childhood often involves a strong desire to fit in, many contributors describe a turning point where they began to appreciate and celebrate their unique cultural background and the qualities that set them apart. This shift from shame to pride is a crucial step in identity formation.

• Reshma Saujani starting a diversity club after being bullied.
• Joy Cho realizing she no longer wanted to be like everyone else, but her Thai-American self.
• Liza Koshy enjoying being "racially ambiguous" and her mixed heritage.

Differences as a source of richness. The blend of cultures, languages, and traditions experienced growing up is ultimately seen as a source of strength, perspective, and richness. This multicultural upbringing provides a unique lens through which to view the world and navigate different social contexts.

• Carmen Perez's diverse neighborhood and basketball team fostering cultural fluidity.
• Auli’i Cravalho embracing her multiple heritages (Hawaiian, Puerto Rican, Portuguese, Chinese, Irish).
• Anna Akana seeing herself as a balance of her Filipino mother's artistry and Japanese father's discipline.

Authenticity as a superpower. Being true to one's multifaceted identity, rather than trying to conform, is presented as a key to personal power and success. This authenticity allows individuals to connect more deeply with themselves and others.

5. Family and Community Provide Essential Support and Belonging

If you need love, there is no one better than your family.

Family as a constant anchor. Despite navigating cultural differences or experiencing external prejudice, the family unit often serves as a primary source of unconditional love, support, and belonging. Family traditions, food, and shared experiences create a sense of home that transcends external challenges.

• Roxane Gay describing her Haitian family's boundless, omnipresent love.
• Padma Lakshmi's mother trying to preserve Hindu heritage despite American surroundings.
• Uzo Aduba's mother insisting on speaking Igbo and teaching Nigerian culture.

Building chosen families and communities. When biological family is distant or unable to fully understand certain aspects of identity (like being transgender or pursuing unconventional careers), finding or creating supportive communities becomes vital. These chosen families offer validation, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging.

• Carmen Perez's diverse basketball team becoming a lifelong sisterhood.
• Geena Rocero finding a supportive community among trans beauty queens in the Philippines and later with Filipino immigrants and the LGBTQ community in San Francisco.
• Kumail Nanjiani making friends from all over the world in college.

Shared struggles foster deep bonds. Growing up in similar circumstances, whether related to immigrant experiences, poverty, or navigating multiple cultures, can create powerful bonds between peers. These shared struggles and understandings form the basis of lasting friendships and mutual support systems.

6. Representation Matters: Seeing Yourself Changes Possibility

I believe that culture shapes identity and defines possibility; that it teaches us who we are, what to believe, and how to dream.

The power of seeing yourself reflected. For many, seeing someone who looks like them or shares a similar background in media (TV, movies, sports) is a profoundly impactful experience. It validates their existence, expands their sense of possibility, and makes previously unimaginable dreams feel attainable.

• America Ferrera being deeply moved by Real Women Have Curves.
• Diane Guerrero relating to Ariel and Belle's dreams, but finding validation in Real Women Have Curves and John Leguizamo.
• Jeremy Lin being inspired by seeing Yao Ming play in the NBA.

Challenging limited narratives. The lack of diverse representation in mainstream culture means that many experiences are invisible or reduced to stereotypes. Contributors highlight the need to tell more nuanced, complex stories that reflect the true diversity of the American experience.

• John Leguizamo's special pointing out that no one knows Latino history.
• Wilmer Valderrama wanting to bring more Latin characters to screen.
• Martin Sensmeier seeing only stereotypical "movie Indians" in Westerns.

Becoming the representation you didn't have. Many contributors, particularly those in creative fields, are driven to create the visibility they lacked growing up. They use their platforms to tell diverse stories and serve as role models for future generations.

7. The American Dream is Redefined by Diverse Experiences and Resourcefulness

The American dream is a ladder of opportunity. It’s not just for the rich to climb. It’s not just for those whose great-great-great-great-grandparents were born here.

Beyond material wealth. While the traditional American dream often focuses on financial success, contributors' stories reveal a broader, more nuanced understanding. It includes the opportunity for self-expression, pursuing passions, finding belonging, and building a better life than the previous generation, regardless of starting point.

• Michelle Kwan's parents seeing the American dream as opportunity for their children, even if it meant financial struggle.
• Kumail Nanjiani seeing America as a land of overwhelming choice and opportunity, despite its paradoxes.
• Wilmer Valderrama viewing America as "Disneyland" compared to the violence in Venezuela, a place where hard work pays off.

Resourcefulness born of necessity. Growing up with limited resources often fostered creativity, thriftiness, and the ability to "do what you can with what you have." This resourcefulness becomes a valuable skill in navigating challenges and pursuing unconventional paths.

• Al Madrigal learning negotiation and deal-finding from his father, rooted in immigrant thriftiness.
• Jenny Zhang's family eating decadently on a fraction of the income of their white counterparts.
• Michelle Kwan's family borrowing costumes and making things themselves.

The dream is accessible, but not guaranteed. While the promise of opportunity exists, contributors acknowledge that access is not equal for everyone. The path is often filled with obstacles, prejudice, and the need for immense hard work and perseverance.

8. Embracing Authenticity Requires Bravery and Self-Acceptance

Being authentic requires a lot of bravery.

Overcoming the pressure to shape-shift. Many describe learning to adapt and present different versions of themselves to fit different social contexts or meet others' expectations. Breaking free from this "shape-shifting" requires courage to be one's true self, even when it's not easily understood or accepted.

• America Ferrera decoding people's expectations and shape-shifting to please them.
• Bambadjan Bamba trying to be "as American as possible" and hiding his African identity.
• Anjelah Johnson-Reyes sometimes trying to be who she thought people wanted her to be in her early stand-up career.

Finding strength in vulnerability. Sharing one's true feelings, struggles, and identity can be terrifying, but it is also liberating and empowering. This vulnerability allows for deeper connections and self-understanding.

• Bambadjan Bamba using acting to emotionally explore internalized resentment and keeping an "emotional bank" journal.
• Kumail Nanjiani's jaw hurting from speaking English all day, a physical manifestation of the effort of adapting.
• Carmen Carrera's letter to her ten-year-old self encouraging self-acceptance and bravery.

Authenticity as a source of power. When individuals embrace their authentic selves, including their unique background and experiences, it becomes a source of strength and a distinct voice, particularly valuable in creative or public roles.

9. Passing Down Culture and History Connects Generations to Identity

I carry many stories and songs. Some have been passed down for generations through tradition or ceremony—as blood memory.

The importance of cultural transmission. Parents and elders play a vital role in connecting younger generations to their heritage through language, stories, traditions, food, and values. This transmission provides a sense of history, identity, and belonging.

• Uzo Aduba's mother teaching Igbo and taking them to Igbo meetings.
• Tanaya Winder learning stories and songs from her grandmother and mother.
• Martin Sensmeier learning Tlingit history and stories from elders through oral tradition.

Reconnecting with roots later in life. Sometimes, the full appreciation for one's heritage comes later, after navigating the complexities of identity in America. This might involve learning a language, visiting the ancestral homeland, or actively seeking out cultural knowledge.

• America Ferrera returning to Honduras to learn about her father and great-grandfather.
• Jenny Zhang wanting to learn her parents' language better as she got older.
• Anjelah Johnson-Reyes wanting to learn Spanish later in life, not to prove herself, but to connect.

History as a source of understanding and pride. Learning about ancestors' struggles, resilience, and accomplishments can provide a powerful sense of identity and purpose. It grounds individuals in a larger narrative and helps them understand their place in the world.

• America Ferrera discovering her revolutionary great-grandfather.
• Frank Waln learning about his people's history of genocide and survival.
• Carmen Carrera learning about Inca warriors and builders from her grandmother.

10. Overcoming Fear and Doubt to Pursue "Impossible" Dreams

I wasn’t sensible, I was an American, damn it! An American who wholeheartedly believed what she’d been taught her entire life: that in America no dream is impossible, even if you are a short, chubby Latina girl with no money or connections!

Defying low expectations. Many contributors pursued dreams that were considered impractical or impossible for someone with their background, often facing skepticism from family, peers, and industry gatekeepers. Their success is a testament to perseverance and belief in themselves.

• America Ferrera pursuing acting despite being told "Actresses don't look like you."
• Kal Penn leaving a stable job to pursue acting and later joining the White House.
• Martin Sensmeier pursuing acting from a small Alaskan fishing village.

The role of internal drive and external support. Achieving ambitious goals requires immense internal motivation ("grit," "determination," "beast") often fueled by a desire to prove doubters wrong or honor family sacrifices. Crucially, it also relies on external support, whether from family, mentors, or supportive communities.

• Michelle Kwan's relentless determination and her parents' unwavering support.
• Jeremy Lin's chip on his shoulder and his mother's belief in him.
• Wilmer Valderrama's fearlessness inherited from his father and his drama teacher's generosity.

Redefining success on one's own terms. Success is not always measured by conventional metrics but by the fulfillment of personal passions, the ability to make a difference, and the pride in overcoming obstacles. The journey itself, with its falls and getting back up, is as important as the destination.

Last updated: May 13, 2025