Audition

1. A Sister's Struggle Shaped a Life's Drive

I think I knew from a very early age that at some point Jackie would become my responsibility.

Early awareness. Growing up with an older sister, Jacqueline, who was mildly intellectually impaired, instilled a deep sense of responsibility in Barbara from a young age. This awareness became a primary driver for her ambition and hard work, extending beyond just financial concerns.

Impact on childhood. Jackie's condition led to a degree of social isolation for Barbara. Activities like birthday parties or joining clubs were often forgone because Jackie couldn't participate, and Barbara felt embarrassed or guilty about her sister's differences, which contributed to her own feeling of being an outsider.

Complex emotions. While loving her sister, Barbara also experienced feelings of shame, guilt, and even hatred for the limitations Jackie's condition placed on her own life. This complex emotional landscape, though difficult to admit, fostered compassion and understanding, qualities that would later prove crucial in her interviewing career.

2. A Father's Show Business Rollercoaster Fueled Insecurity

Throughout my life my father made and lost several fortunes in show business.

Financial instability. Barbara's father, Lou Walters, was a charismatic but unpredictable show business impresario who experienced dramatic financial swings, from owning mansions and luxury cars to losing everything due to market crashes and changing entertainment trends like the rise of "talkies." This created a constant undercurrent of anxiety for the family.

Impact on family life. Lou's work meant frequent moves and long absences, leading to a distant relationship with his daughters. His gambling habits added another layer of financial worry for Barbara's mother, who, though loving, often confided her fears to a young Barbara, making her prematurely aware of adult burdens.

Inherited fears. The financial uncertainty of her childhood deeply affected Barbara, instilling a lifelong fear of financial ruin. This fear became a powerful motivator for her own career, driving her to work tirelessly to ensure she could support herself and her family, a lesson she later passed on to her daughter.

3. Life Felt Like One Long Audition

But as I look back, it feels to me that my life has been one long audition—an attempt to make a difference and to be accepted.

Seeking validation. Barbara's deep-seated need to prove herself and achieve stemmed from a combination of factors, including her sister's limitations, her family's financial instability, and feeling like an outsider in childhood. This fueled a relentless ambition and a constant feeling of being on trial.

Manifestations of the drive. This drive pushed her to excel academically, seek out challenging jobs, and constantly strive for more. It also manifested in personal insecurities, such as feeling inadequate compared to more popular peers or fearing rejection, which influenced early decisions like choosing a college or pursuing acting.

A double-edged sword. While the feeling of "auditioning" created anxiety and pressure, it also motivated her to work harder than others, take on difficult assignments, and constantly seek improvement. This relentless pursuit of excellence, though rooted in insecurity, became a key factor in her extraordinary success.

4. Early TV Jobs Provided Invaluable Training

To my answer to all the young people who ask me how to get into television is: go to your local television stations, take any job that’s offered, and work your fanny off.

Starting from scratch. Barbara's entry into television began in publicity and production roles at local stations like WNBT and WPIX. Despite lacking formal journalism training, she immersed herself in the work, learning essential skills like writing press releases, editing film, and understanding the technical aspects of broadcasting.

Learning by doing. In the understaffed early days of television, she wore many hats, acting as producer, writer, booker, and more. This hands-on experience taught her the fundamentals of storytelling, timing, and adapting to live television, skills that would be crucial throughout her career.

Seizing opportunities. Even seemingly minor roles, like writing for a children's show or filling in as a model, provided valuable exposure and learning experiences. Her willingness to take any job and work tirelessly laid the foundation for her later on-air success, proving that dedication and practical experience can outweigh formal credentials.

5. Marriage Proved a Difficult Balancing Act

I was ending my second marriage. What was worse was that I was taking away from Jackie the daddy she loved.

Challenges of partnership. Barbara's marriages, particularly her second to Lee Guber, highlighted the inherent difficulties of balancing a demanding career with personal relationships. Disparate schedules, different interests, and the pressures of their respective show business worlds created distance.

Impact of ambition. Her own drive and Lee's theatrical ambitions, reminiscent of her father's career, added stress and anxiety. The emotional toll of failed productions and the constant need for funding brought back childhood fears, making it difficult to fully invest in the relationship.

Prioritizing work. While she loved her husbands, Barbara's commitment to her career and her need to provide for her family often took precedence, leading to guilt and unresolved issues. The decision to end her second marriage, though painful, was driven by the realization that their lives had grown too far apart, despite their shared love for their daughter.

6. Breaking Barriers as a Woman in News

And so it was that I became the official cohost of the Today show.

Overcoming limitations. Initially confined to "girlie" segments and weather reports, Barbara consistently pushed for more substantive assignments on the Today show. Despite facing resistance and being told she didn't have the right look or voice for hard news, she proved her capabilities through diligent work and compelling interviews.

Fighting for equality. The struggle for recognition culminated in the Frank McGee era, where she was explicitly relegated to less important interviews. Her refusal to accept this limitation and her fight for equal participation marked a pivotal moment, leading to her eventually being named cohost, a historic first for a woman in network news.

Paving the way. Barbara's ascent to cohost, though met with criticism and resistance from some male colleagues, broke significant barriers. Her success demonstrated that women could handle serious news roles, opening doors for future generations of female journalists in positions of authority.

7. The Power of Preparation and Listening in Interviews

For me, however, asking the right questions has always been less important than listening to the answers.

Rigorous preparation. Barbara's success as an interviewer is rooted in meticulous preparation. She researches subjects extensively, reads everything available, and gathers questions from diverse sources, ensuring she is deeply informed and ready for any turn the conversation might take.

The art of listening. Beyond asking questions, she emphasizes the crucial skill of active listening. By truly hearing and responding to answers, she encourages subjects to open up and reveal more, often leading to unexpected insights and compelling moments.

Human connection. Her approach aims to go beyond surface-level questions, seeking to understand the person behind the public persona. By showing genuine curiosity and empathy, she creates a space where subjects feel comfortable sharing personal stories and emotions, making her interviews uniquely revealing.

8. Motherhood Brought Joy Amidst Personal Turmoil

Even as I write this, I get tears in my eyes. I cannot properly express my joy as I welcomed this tiny pink bundle.

The dream of a child. After multiple miscarriages, the adoption of her daughter, Jacqueline, brought immense joy and fulfillment to Barbara's life. Jackie became the central focus of her personal world, providing a source of unconditional love and happiness.

Balancing work and family. As a working mother with a demanding career, Barbara faced the common struggle of balancing professional obligations with parenting. Despite providing extensive care and support through nannies and family, she grappled with guilt over her absences and the impact of her work on her daughter.

Navigating adolescence. The teenage years brought significant challenges, including rebellion, drug use, and emotional distance. This difficult period tested their relationship, forcing Barbara to make tough decisions and seek outside help, ultimately leading to a deeper, more honest bond built on shared struggle and eventual understanding.

9. High-Stakes Interviews Defined a Career

Of all the interviews you have done, which is your favorite? Well, “favorite” is not a word I would use, but if I had to choose the one that meant the most to me it would be the late president of Egypt, Anwar el-Sadat.

Seeking the "get". Barbara actively pursued interviews with prominent and often controversial figures, from world leaders like Sadat, Begin, and Castro to celebrities and alleged criminals. This relentless pursuit of exclusive access became a hallmark of her career.

Navigating complex subjects. Her interviews often delved into sensitive or dangerous territory, requiring careful preparation, tact, and courage. Whether questioning dictators about human rights or alleged murderers about their crimes, she aimed to elicit revealing answers while maintaining journalistic integrity.

Impact and legacy. These high-profile interviews not only boosted ratings and her reputation but also provided unique insights into the personalities and motivations of people shaping history or involved in major events. Her ability to secure and conduct these conversations solidified her place as a leading journalist.

10. The Million-Dollar Move and Its Backlash

Overnight I became the “million-dollar news baby,” proffered a salary that, on the surface, was at least twice as much as anyone else was making in the news business, including Walter Cronkite.

A groundbreaking offer. ABC's unprecedented offer of a million-dollar salary and a coanchor position on the evening news marked a turning point, not just for Barbara, but for women in broadcast journalism. It was a recognition of her value, though the salary figure itself became a major point of contention.

Public and professional backlash. The leaked salary ignited a media frenzy and widespread criticism, portraying her as greedy and questioning her journalistic integrity. This negative press, coupled with a difficult partnership with coanchor Harry Reasoner, made her initial years at ABC challenging and often miserable.

Perseverance amidst adversity. Despite the intense scrutiny and professional discomfort, Barbara persevered, relying on her work ethic and the support of friends and viewers. Her ability to weather the storm and continue delivering compelling interviews, particularly her prime-time Specials, ultimately proved her worth and silenced many critics.

11. Finding Strength Through Friendship and Resilience

“Don’t let the bastards get you down,” and was signed “John Wayne.”

Support systems. Throughout her life and career, Barbara relied heavily on a network of close friends and family for emotional support, particularly during challenging times like her divorces, family illnesses, and the backlash from her move to ABC. These relationships provided stability and encouragement.

Resilience in the face of criticism. Facing public scrutiny and professional antagonism, she developed resilience, learning to compartmentalize her personal feelings and focus on her work. Letters of support from viewers and unexpected gestures of kindness, like John Wayne's telegram, helped her persevere.

Loyalty and connection. Barbara valued loyalty in her relationships, both personal and professional. Her enduring friendships, even with figures like Roy Cohn despite his controversial reputation, stemmed from a deep sense of gratitude and connection forged during shared experiences.

12. Facing Personal Demons and Finding Purpose

Of all the chapters in this book, this is the hardest for me to write.

Confronting guilt. Looking back, Barbara grapples with guilt related to her sister's care, her mother's later years, and the challenges faced by her daughter. This introspection reveals a deep sense of responsibility and the emotional toll of difficult life decisions.

Finding meaning in work. Despite personal struggles, her work provided a sense of purpose and fulfillment. The act of interviewing, understanding others' stories, and breaking barriers became a way to channel her energy and find validation.

Legacy and reflection. The memoir serves as a reflection on a life lived in the public eye, marked by ambition, personal challenges, and professional triumphs. Through sharing her story, Barbara seeks to offer insights into the complexities of balancing career and family, the nature of celebrity, and the enduring quest for acceptance and meaning.

Last updated: May 12, 2025