Be Who You Came To Be

1. Living for others leads to losing yourself and your vitality.

I was a ghost of the person I had been as a child and nothing I had achieved held any meaning for me.

The adapter's cost. Trying to fit in and meet others' expectations, especially for sensitive people, can lead to ignoring your own needs and wisdom. This adaptation, often learned in childhood to ease tension or gain approval, teaches that your pain doesn't matter as much as others'. The author's journey from a high-achieving scientist to chronic fatigue and depression illustrates this painful pattern.

Repression's toll. Constantly repressing true feelings like anger or bitterness to maintain a "nice" facade creates a powerful shadow side. This energetic distortion resonates with low-vibrating outcomes, manifesting as lack of vitality, illness, and a diminished capacity to genuinely contribute to the world. The energy meant for living is consumed by suppressing the authentic self.

Loss of meaning. When life is built on external ideals and beliefs, it can feel like an empty lie, even with outward success. This lack of alignment with one's true nature leads to feeling directionless, lost, and disconnected from the vibrant thread of life force. The insistence that something is fundamentally wrong persists despite rational attempts to explain it away.

2. Subconscious programming and fear-based habits control most of our lives.

Without a highly developed level of awareness, and without a clear sense of your own true nature and values, the moment where change is possible flashes past us without us ever realizing that it was there.

Automatic pilot. The subconscious mind is a powerful parallel processor that automates routines, both physical and emotional, to free up conscious thought. While helpful for tasks like driving, this automation makes changing ingrained habits incredibly difficult, as the body's pre-programmed responses are hard to overwrite. Emotional habits, learned for survival or safety, are handled the same way and are equally resistant to change.

Fear in the driver's seat. When perceived as dangerous, situations trigger the reptilian brain, bypassing conscious decision-making and defaulting to stored coping mechanisms. This explains why people repeat self-sabotaging behaviors despite conscious vows to stop; the subconscious prioritizes perceived survival in the moment over long-term consequences. Access to calm, evolved thought is temporarily lost.

The tribal threat. Many subconscious fears stem from the collective unconscious, particularly the deep-seated fear of being cast out or ostracized from the "tribe." This ancient survival threat can trigger seemingly irrational responses under stress, making it terrifying to be different or stand out. Overcoming these hard-wired fears requires developing awareness and alternative coping strategies beyond willpower alone.

3. Following others' values erodes integrity and self-esteem.

If we stick to other people’s belief systems and compromise our own values, we end up living without integrity, something that our real nature is hugely sensitive to.

Borrowed blueprints. From a young age, we download value systems from parents, teachers, and society to gain approval and ensure survival within our immediate "tribe." These absorbed perceptions become hard-wired "truths" in our subconscious, often without conscious monitoring. The problem arises when these learned blueprints conflict with our true nature and needs.

The cost of conflict. A large disparity between absorbed values and true values creates internal conflict and dissatisfaction, even if the learned behaviors initially brought approval. Living without integrity, by acting against our own inner standards, damages self-esteem. Each compromise diminishes our belief in our worthiness of happiness, regardless of external validation.

Irrational standards. Self-esteem is linked to how well we measure up against our self-concept, which includes these absorbed, sometimes irrational, standards. Comparing ourselves to unrealistic ideals leads to constant self-criticism and feeling "not good enough." This low self-esteem makes us unclear about our rights and what we deserve, leading us to tolerate less rewarding outcomes in life.

4. Over-giving and seeking external validation traps you in a cycle of depletion.

The cure to self-sacrifice and over-giving is to understand that our true value is inherent and does not need to be proved from outside ourselves.

The over-giving prison. Many caring individuals fall into a pattern of over-giving, driven by an unconscious need to prove their value and ensure safety or validation from others. This cycle involves habitual giving, followed by depletion and addictive behaviors to cope, culminating in a crisis requiring withdrawal to recuperate. It's a self-harming pattern rooted in seeking external worth.

The holes in the road. Recognizing and changing this pattern requires increased awareness, like the story of learning to avoid holes in the road. Initially, we just cope better (digging out faster), then learn to navigate around the worst holes, then find a path through them, and finally, discover an entirely different street without holes. This mirrors the process of noticing triggers, changing responses, and ultimately addressing the root cause.

Root causes. Over-giving often stems from childhood experiences where value was tied to helping or calming others, leading to a belief that one's own needs are secondary. Healing involves recognizing these patterns, understanding their origins, and developing new strategies like allowing others space to solve their problems or learning to receive help. This shifts the dynamic from proving worth to recognizing inherent value.

5. Self-criticism and judgment block healing and limit potential.

Our greatest challenge therefore is to dissolve the programming we have absorbed, and open even these deep, subconscious wounds to Grace so that we can cease judging and be more compassionate to ourselves.

The inner critic. A deeply ingrained habit is criticizing ourselves when things go wrong or don't meet expectations. This mindset, often passed down through generations or stemming from abusive backgrounds, judges experiences as "terrible" and fuels negative self-perception. It's a major obstacle to growth and healing.

Wounds as opportunities. Difficult experiences, though painful, are not random but potential growth opportunities. Shutting down during these moments limits the flow of life force and creates energetic blocks that can manifest as illness or life challenges. As Rumi suggests, "The wound is where the light comes in," if we can honor the pain instead of protecting it through distraction or judgment.

Compassion's power. Overcoming self-criticism requires cultivating self-love and compassion, which Greg Braden calls "both a force of creation and the experience that accesses it." Compassion allows access to the heart-mind, moving beyond judgment and the perception of linear time and separation. It helps dissolve deep, even ancestral or past-life, programming that makes us feel unworthy or banished, enabling us to embody our connection to higher consciousness and the Divine.

6. Isolation reinforces fear and prevents growth; finding your tribe is essential.

Not only can isolation severely limit the opportunities we have in life, but it can also give our fear-based mind a huge amount of time and space to reinforce our false fears and beliefs in an environment where they will go unchallenged and therefore assume the position of being truths.

The introvert's dilemma. While solitude can be beneficial for spiritual focus, chronic isolation in everyday life limits access to support, resources, and encouragement. It provides fertile ground for fear-based beliefs to solidify without challenge, often stemming from core beliefs like "it's dangerous to ask for help" or "I'm different/not good enough." Low energy levels from chronic conditions can also contribute to this pattern.

Toxic relationships. Sensitive people may attract toxic relationships that drain their life force and prevent them from expressing their true selves. Like plants needing compatible neighbors to flourish, humans need relationships that are conducive to growth. Recognizing and addressing these draining dynamics, sometimes requiring professional help, is crucial for breaking the isolation pattern.

The power of tribe. Connecting with a "tribe" – people who share passions, values, or interests – provides vital affirmation, guidance, collaboration, and inspiration. For sensitive individuals with unusual gifts, a supportive tribe validates their path and provides a safe environment to develop their talents. Tribes offer mentoring, networking, and opportunities to try new things away from limiting influences, helping to raise one's game and overcome the inertia of staying with the known.

7. Values are your internal compass, connecting you to truth and power.

Our values are the things that are most important for us to feel; they are the feelings we have when we are in alignment with our true nature.

More than beliefs. Values are not just belief systems; they are a form of internal guidance, letting us know through our feelings whether we are acting with integrity. When we ignore what is truly important to us, conflict arises, often rooted in subconscious rules absorbed from others. Identifying these rules is crucial to understanding why we live in conflict.

Feeling the truth. Connecting with the feeling state of our values is essential. If we aren't experiencing the emotions of what we truly believe in daily, it's a sign our internalized rules are misaligned. For example, if love is a core value but we don't feel loved or are in unloving relationships, it points to underlying rules like "I'm not worthy" or unmet needs from childhood.

Energetic language. Values are the energetic language of our real nature, the part of us perpetually connected to the Divine Matrix. Allowing ourselves to feel our values activates specific energy frequencies in our cells, re-tuning our energetic antennae. This decreases the influence of external programming and re-attunes us to the frequency of what we truly value, making our cells more coherent receivers and transmitters of our authentic energy.

8. Tuning into your body's wisdom unlocks healing and manifestation.

In every culture and in every medical tradition before ours, healing was accomplished by moving energy.

Body knows truth. Kinesiology demonstrates that the body's muscles strengthen in the presence of truth and weaken in the presence of conflict or falsehood. This shows the body has its own knowing, a subconscious mind that co-pilots our lives and is more powerful than the conscious mind in many ways. Tapping into this body-mind connection is key to healing.

Mind's power. The placebo effect proves the mind's power to influence the body; our beliefs, accurate or not, impact our physiology. Stress and fear cause cells to shut down growth for protection, compromising health. Conversely, a relaxed state, cultivated through practices like yoga or Qi Gong, allows cells to open and engage in healing energetic exchange with their environment.

Harmonic resonance. Dr. Glen Rein's work showed that loving energy sent with intent causes DNA to unwind and heal, demonstrating constructive interference. Negative emotions create destructive interference, weakening cells. Stating our true values to our body creates a healing waveform, strengthening our energy fields through harmonic resonance. This makes our true nature the dominant, coherent vibration, re-patterning lower frequencies from old programming.

9. High self-esteem, rooted in values, is key to making empowering decisions.

When you have clarity about your VALUES, and use those values to inform the decisions you make in life about people and opportunities, you will inevitably improve your self-esteem.

Fair standards. While low self-esteem often stems from comparing ourselves to unrealistic, absorbed standards, our authentic core values provide a fair and realistic measure of performance. Aligning actions with values naturally improves self-esteem because we are measuring up against our own, true standards. This creates a virtuous cycle where clarity about values leads to better self-esteem, which in turn leads to better decisions.

Trusting yourself. Good self-esteem is synonymous with trusting yourself. It enables you to create supportive environments, express your needs and wants, and believe you have the right to have them met. It acts like a sensitive thermostat, helping identify people and experiences that are good for you. Without it, we tolerate less and struggle to ask for what we deserve.

Value-based decisions. Conventional decision-making often overlooks personal values, leading to dissatisfaction even when rational pros and cons are weighed. Incorporating values into the process, by assessing how potential decisions align with core values, provides deeper clarity and validation. This is especially important for complex life changes, where values can guide research and exploration of new opportunities, even if immediate action isn't possible.

10. Unmet basic needs unconsciously drive many limiting behaviors.

The decisions we make on a daily basis are governed by a set of basic needs.

Maslow's influence. Our nervous system is hard-wired to prioritize meeting basic needs like safety, variety, respect/esteem, and relationship/connection. While we can't ignore these needs, we can choose to meet them in life-enhancing or limiting ways. Unmet needs from past experiences can unconsciously drive decisions and lead to negative, unbalanced behaviors.

Negative manifestations. Unmet needs can manifest negatively:

• Safety: Procrastination, controlling behavior, anxiety, staying in comfort zones.
• Variety: Opportunity addiction, substance abuse (instant gratification).
• Respect/Esteem: Endless striving for achievement, disproportionate anger, talking excessively to feel heard.
• Relationship: Cycles of breakups/arguments, withdrawing into self-pity.

Positive fulfillment. Consciously addressing unmet needs involves identifying past experiences that created deficits and taking balancing actions. This includes developing faith instead of control for safety, seeking healthy new experiences for variety, finding self-appreciation and balanced achievement for respect, and building supportive communities for relationship. Journaling can help uncover these patterns and plan positive strategies.

11. Living from your values aligns you with life force and creates synchronicity.

When we stop talking about our values and actually live from them, the level of transformation we can create in ourselves and in others is greater because our actions have more meaning.

Beyond talk. Identifying values is the first step, but living from them is where true transformation occurs. Embodying the feeling state of your values daily strengthens your connection to your true nature and pure source energy. This alignment decreases the amplitude of external programming and helps recover from fear-based, distracted states, opening the door to the heart-mind.

Manifestation power. Activating the energy frequency of values in your cells re-tunes your energetic antennae, making you magnetically attractive to outcomes aligned with your true nature. This process, accessed through the heart-mind, allows manifestation beyond conscious goal-setting, bypassing dualities and limitations. It's about being receptive to what this aligned state brings, rather than forcing outcomes.

Pioneer of change. Living from values requires faith in the unseen and taking action from a place of integrity. This leveraged action has a significant impact, not just personally, but also on the collective. By choosing to respond differently to old patterns, we become living bridges and role models for others, demonstrating how to break free from limiting beliefs and programming. This conscious evolution, rooted in values, creates miracles and synchronicity, rewriting our script and influencing the world around us.

Last updated: May 5, 2025