Behind the Door

1. The Cecil Hotel: A Microcosm of Urban Decay and Resilience

Beyond the sad news headlines, there are stories about actual people who lived actual lives.

Urban decay. The Cecil Hotel, located next to Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles, serves as a stark representation of urban decay. The hotel's history is riddled with suicides, murders, and the presence of serial killers, reflecting the darker aspects of city life. The physical state of the hotel, with its sticky carpets, dented doors, and foul smells, mirrors the degradation of the surrounding environment.

Resilience. Despite the grim circumstances, the Cecil is also a place of resilience. The author highlights stories of hope, friendship, compassion, and love that exist alongside the dismal narratives. The long-term tenants and employees, who have weathered years of hardship, demonstrate a remarkable ability to endure and find meaning in their lives.

Symbolism. The Cecil symbolizes the complex interplay between despair and hope, decay and resilience, that characterizes urban environments. It is a place where the fringes of society converge, revealing both the depths of human suffering and the capacity for human connection. The hotel's sinking from the moment the author stepped on board mirrors the sinking of the Titanic, both built upon grandiose visions.

2. Friendship as a Lifeline in Bleak Circumstances

The language of friendship is not always words, but meanings. You mean a lot.

Pedro's importance. The author's friendship with Pedro, the maintenance manager, is a central theme in the book. Pedro, who worked at the hotel for over thirty-five years, becomes the author's confidant, guide, and source of support. Their bond highlights the importance of human connection in the face of adversity.

Unlikely friendships. The Cecil fosters friendships between people from vastly different backgrounds. The author, who grew up in a sheltered environment, forms close relationships with unauthorized immigrants and others who have experienced hardship. These friendships broaden her understanding of the world and challenge her preconceived notions.

Mutual support. Friendship at the Cecil is not always about grand gestures but about shared experiences and mutual support. The author and Pedro rely on each other for practical assistance, emotional comfort, and a sense of camaraderie in a challenging environment. Their coffee breaks at Marty became a tradition that sustained them both.

3. Naiveté and Compassion: A Double-Edged Sword

Sometimes I think my sheltered upbringing made me naïve to the real dangers happening around me at the Cecil. It also made me curious.

Sheltered upbringing. The author's upbringing in a remote, idyllic town in Michigan leaves her unprepared for the realities of downtown LA and the Cecil Hotel. Her initial naiveté makes her vulnerable to the dangers around her. She thought the world was essentially a good place where people made strong decisions.

Compassion. Her sheltered upbringing also fosters a deep sense of compassion for the tenants and guests at the Cecil. She is drawn to helping those around her, sometimes to a fault. This compassion motivates her to stay at the hotel for ten years, despite the challenges and risks.

Double-edged sword. The author's naiveté and compassion are both strengths and weaknesses. They allow her to connect with people from different backgrounds and offer genuine support, but they also make her susceptible to manipulation and exploitation. She learns to balance her empathy with a healthy dose of skepticism.

4. The Allure and Peril of Responsibility

I’ve been successful at every job I’ve ever had because I’m dedicated, trustworthy, and diligent.

Natural inclination. The author has a natural inclination to assume responsibility, even when it is not explicitly assigned to her. This trait leads to her rapid advancement at the Cecil, from interior designer to brand manager to general manager. She can cross everything off a list, and quickly.

Rising to the occasion. She thrives on the challenges of running the hotel, taking on tasks that are far outside her original job description. She is dedicated, trustworthy, and diligent, earning the respect of her colleagues and superiors. She was always the one who volunteered.

Exploitation. Her willingness to take on responsibility is sometimes exploited by others. She is paid late, asked to perform tasks that are not her job, and burdened with the emotional weight of the hotel's problems. She learns to set boundaries and protect herself from being taken advantage of.

5. The Sordid Reality Behind the Glamour

I often make the comparison between the Cecil and the Titanic. Both were built upon grandiose visions. And both sank.

Grand visions. The Cecil Hotel was originally built upon grandiose visions of luxury and success. However, the Depression and the hotel's location next to Skid Row led to its decline. The author arrives with her own grandiose visions of saving the hotel.

Sordid reality. Behind the glamorous facade, the Cecil is plagued by poverty, crime, mental illness, and death. The author witnesses firsthand the struggles of the tenants and guests, many of whom are marginalized and forgotten by society. The putrid smells, the bulletproof glass, and the constant deaths are a stark contrast to the hotel's original aspirations.

The sinking ship. Despite her best efforts, the author realizes that the Cecil is sinking from the moment she steps on board. The hotel's architectural limitations, financial woes, and troubled history make it impossible to achieve its full potential. She thought she could save the ship.

6. The Weight of Unseen Suffering

What happens to the people who exist on the fringes of society? Where do people like Pebbles go after they’ve been kicked to the curb?

Fringes of society. The Cecil Hotel is a haven for those on the fringes of society: the mentally ill, the homeless, the addicted, and the forgotten. The author witnesses their struggles firsthand, grappling with the lack of resources and support available to them.

Powerlessness. The author often feels powerless to help the tenants and guests who are suffering. She is forced to evict people, witness their decline, and confront the limitations of her own ability to make a difference. Watching Pebbles stand outside in the rain was the first time I felt completely powerless.

Unseen suffering. The author becomes aware of the unseen suffering that exists behind closed doors at the Cecil. She learns that appearances can be deceiving and that many of the tenants are living lives of quiet desperation. She is haunted by the stories of those who are left unclaimed after their deaths.

7. The Haunting Legacy of Tragedy

It was hard not to think about them as I walked around the hotel. As I redesigned the community room, the bloody lover would pop into my mind, and whenever I walked by the room in which the man had been lying dead for a long period, I’d think of maggots.

History of death. The Cecil Hotel has a long and gruesome history of death, including suicides, murders, and the presence of serial killers. The author learns about these events from Pedro, the hotel's unofficial historian.

Haunting stories. Pedro's stories of death haunt the author as she walks around the hotel. She cannot escape the knowledge of the tragedies that have occurred within its walls. The stench of the Cecil matched the doom of death on the most visceral level.

Tragedy tourism. After Elisa Lam's death, the Cecil becomes a destination for "tragedy tourists" who are drawn to the hotel's dark history. The author is disturbed by the sensationalism and disrespect that surround these events. She was glad that the haunted personality of the hotel turned out to be a positive, because so many other aspects of it were inescapably bad.

8. The Elusive Nature of Justice and Closure

I had been unaware of how people took advantage of the legal system for their own benefit, and how popular it was to lie in court.

Legal battles. The author becomes embroiled in numerous legal battles during her time at the Cecil, including lawsuits from tenants, guests, and even former employees. She learns about the complexities and injustices of the legal system.

Lack of closure. Many of the stories at the Cecil remain unresolved. The author is left with unanswered questions about the fates of the tenants and guests she encountered. She is haunted by the lack of closure and the sense that justice is often elusive.

Personal impact. The legal battles and unresolved stories take a toll on the author. She becomes jaded and cynical, losing her faith in the system. She sees the world now as a place where "justice" has nebulous meanings.

9. The Search for Meaning Amidst Chaos

I felt almost matriarchal about my role there. I genuinely cared about the building and everyone who inhabited it, and this caring gave me a sense of purpose.

Caretaker role. Despite the chaos and tragedy, the author finds meaning in her role as a caretaker at the Cecil. She genuinely cares about the building and the people who inhabit it. She saw herself as a caretaker, and she saw the hotel as the place that needed her.

Sense of purpose. Her work at the Cecil gives her a sense of purpose and belonging. She feels needed and valued, even in the face of overwhelming challenges. The Cecil was where I came to feel safe.

Personal growth. The author's experiences at the Cecil transform her understanding of the world and of herself. She learns about poverty, mental illness, addiction, and the resilience of the human spirit. She leaves the Cecil with a greater sense of compassion, empathy, and gratitude.

Last updated: February 28, 2025