Boy Erased

1. The Illusion of Cure: Ex-Gay Therapy's False Promises

You’re using sexual sin to fill a God-shaped void in your life.

Deceptive practices. Love in Action (LIA) and similar ex-gay programs promise to "cure" homosexuality, equating it to addictive behaviors like alcoholism. This promise is based on the false premise that homosexuality is a sin or a mental illness, despite scientific consensus to the contrary. The memoir exposes the absurdity and harm of these programs.

Ineffective methods. LIA employs a combination of religious indoctrination, psychological manipulation, and behavioral control to suppress same-sex attraction. These methods include:

• Twelve-step programs equating homosexuality to addiction
• Strict dress codes enforcing gender stereotypes
• Genograms tracing "sinful behaviors" in family history
• Moral inventories focusing on sexual impropriety

Devastating consequences. The memoir reveals the emotional and psychological damage inflicted by ex-gay therapy, including increased shame, self-hatred, depression, and suicidal ideation. The "cure" is ultimately a destructive illusion.

2. The Power of Faith: A Double-Edged Sword

God can help me make that wall blue.

Source of comfort and control. Faith provides a framework for understanding the world and a sense of belonging to a community. For Garrard and his family, faith offers comfort, guidance, and a moral compass. However, it also becomes a tool for control and suppression.

Blind obedience. The memoir explores the dangers of unquestioning faith and the pressure to conform to religious dogma. Garrard's family's fundamentalist beliefs lead them to seek a "cure" for his homosexuality, despite his growing skepticism.

Internal conflict. Garrard grapples with the tension between his faith and his sexuality, torn between his desire to please his family and his need to accept himself. This internal conflict drives much of the narrative.

3. Identity Crisis: The Struggle for Self-Acceptance

I had spent the last several months trying to erase my “false personality.”

Internalized homophobia. Growing up in a conservative religious environment, Garrard internalizes negative messages about homosexuality, leading him to believe that he is inherently flawed and in need of a cure.

Suppression and denial. He attempts to suppress his same-sex attraction and conform to societal expectations, entering into a relationship with a girl and seeking help from ex-gay therapy.

Emerging self-awareness. Throughout the memoir, Garrard gradually becomes more aware of his true identity and the harm caused by ex-gay therapy. This growing self-awareness sets him on a path toward self-acceptance.

4. The Weight of Secrets: Shame and Self-Destruction

It was our fear of shame, followed by our fear of Hell, that truly prevented us from committing suicide.

Shame as a weapon. Shame is a powerful tool used by LIA and other ex-gay programs to control and manipulate individuals. The memoir illustrates how shame can lead to self-destructive behaviors and a distorted sense of self.

The burden of secrecy. Garrard's fear of rejection and condemnation forces him to keep his true identity a secret, creating a sense of isolation and alienation.

Seeking validation. He seeks validation from his family, his church, and his peers, but ultimately finds that true acceptance can only come from within.

5. Finding Connection: The Allure and Danger of Belonging

We’re all one big family.

Yearning for acceptance. The desire to belong is a fundamental human need. LIA exploits this need by offering a sense of community and acceptance to individuals who feel rejected by their families and churches.

Conditional love. However, the love and acceptance offered by LIA are conditional, contingent on conforming to the program's strict rules and suppressing one's true identity.

The cost of belonging. The memoir explores the dangers of sacrificing one's authenticity for the sake of belonging, highlighting the importance of finding communities that celebrate diversity and embrace individuality.

6. The Price of Conformity: Suppressing True Self

All else is distraction.

Loss of individuality. LIA's strict rules and rigid ideology demand conformity, suppressing individuality and creativity. Garrard is forced to abandon his passions, including writing and literature, in order to fit the program's mold.

Emotional repression. The memoir illustrates the emotional toll of suppressing one's true self, leading to feelings of emptiness, alienation, and despair.

The importance of authenticity. Garrard's journey toward self-acceptance involves reclaiming his individuality and embracing his authentic self, despite the challenges and obstacles he faces.

7. The Search for Truth: Questioning Beliefs and Authority

There is no neutral.

Doubt as a catalyst. Garrard's growing skepticism and questioning of LIA's teachings mark a turning point in his journey. Doubt becomes a catalyst for critical thinking and a search for truth.

Challenging authority. He begins to challenge the authority of his parents, his church, and the counselors at LIA, seeking answers and validation from sources outside of his familiar religious framework.

Embracing complexity. The memoir celebrates the importance of intellectual curiosity and the willingness to embrace complexity, even when it challenges deeply held beliefs.

8. The Cycle of Abuse: Trauma and its Perpetuation

Trauma is often linked to generational sin.

Intergenerational trauma. The memoir explores the ways in which trauma can be passed down through generations, shaping family dynamics and individual identities.

Abuse in the name of love. LIA's methods, though presented as loving and compassionate, often border on abuse, inflicting emotional and psychological harm on its clients.

Breaking the cycle. Garrard's journey toward healing involves recognizing the cycle of abuse and taking steps to break free from its grip, both for himself and for future generations.

9. The Fragility of Family: Love, Acceptance, and Rejection

A family is worth a thousand words.

Conditional love. The memoir illustrates the complexities of family relationships, particularly when love is conditional and acceptance is contingent on conformity.

The pain of rejection. Garrard experiences the pain of rejection from his parents, who struggle to reconcile their love for him with their religious beliefs.

Reconciliation and understanding. The memoir offers a glimmer of hope for reconciliation and understanding, as Garrard and his parents gradually learn to communicate and accept each other for who they are.

10. The Long Road to Recovery: Healing from Trauma

Slowly yet surely I began to recover.

The journey of healing. The memoir is ultimately a story of resilience and hope, documenting Garrard's long and difficult journey toward healing from the trauma of ex-gay therapy.

Self-compassion and acceptance. He learns to practice self-compassion, forgive himself for his past mistakes, and embrace his true identity.

Finding his voice. The memoir itself becomes an act of healing, as Garrard finds his voice and shares his story with the world, offering hope and inspiration to others who have experienced similar trauma.

Last updated: April 22, 2025