Bravey

1. Embrace your unique journey: Alexi's motherless childhood shaped her resilience

"Unlike my mother, I choose to let people in. I choose to share what is going on in my mind so that I'm never alone with my torment."

Early loss shaped resilience. Alexi Pappas lost her mother to suicide at a young age, leaving her to navigate childhood with her father and older brother. This experience, while traumatic, instilled in her a unique resilience and determination.

Filling the void creatively. To compensate for the absence of a mother figure, Alexi:

• Sought out mentorship from other women
• Developed a strong bond with her father
• Channeled her energy into sports and creative pursuits

Turning pain into strength. Rather than letting her loss define her negatively, Alexi used it as motivation to:

• Pursue her dreams relentlessly
• Develop a deep sense of empathy
• Become an advocate for mental health awareness

2. Seek out mentors and role models to fill the gaps in your life

"We all have dreams that we're chasing, however big or small, and we can all decide to be brave enough to give ourselves a chance."

Create a mentor buffet. Alexi actively sought out mentors and role models throughout her life to fill the void left by her mother's absence. She learned to:

• Observe and learn from women in various settings
• Ask for advice and guidance without shame
• Absorb wisdom from both personal interactions and distant role models

Diverse mentorship sources:

• Friends' mothers
• College professors
• Professional athletes
• Artistic collaborators
• Books and media figures

Applying mentorship lessons. Alexi used the knowledge and support gained from her mentors to:

• Navigate her athletic career
• Pursue creative endeavors
• Develop a stronger sense of self

3. Reframe setbacks as opportunities for growth and self-discovery

"We are the most honest things, us humans. We are squishy pulses that see things, take them in, feel them inside, and regurgitate them in one way or another while we continue to roll around on this earth."

Embrace the struggle. Alexi learned to view challenges and setbacks not as failures, but as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. This mindset helped her:

• Overcome injuries and setbacks in her athletic career
• Navigate the ups and downs of her creative pursuits
• Develop resilience in the face of personal and professional obstacles

The Rule of Thirds. Alexi's coach taught her that in pursuing any big goal:

• You should feel good a third of the time
• Okay a third of the time
• Crappy a third of the time

This perspective helped her understand that struggle is a normal and necessary part of the journey to success.

Rewriting your story. By reframing her experiences, Alexi learned to:

• Find value in both successes and failures
• Maintain a growth mindset
• Stay motivated in the face of adversity

4. Cultivate willpower and learn to budget your mental energy

"Willpower is different for everyone, and I was comparing my personal willpower standards to an objective standard for what I thought I should feel."

Understand your willpower limits. Alexi developed the concept of "willpower budgeting" to help manage her mental energy and focus. This involves:

• Recognizing that willpower is a finite resource
• Identifying activities that drain or boost your willpower
• Strategically allocating your mental energy

The Willpower Index. Alexi created a visual tool to help understand how different activities affect her willpower:

• Y-axis: "Bad for you" to "Good for you"
• X-axis: "Willpower draining" to "Willpower boosting"

Strategies for managing willpower:

• Plan ahead to reduce decision fatigue
• Create routines to conserve mental energy
• Recognize and respect your personal limits
• Allow for recovery and recharge time

5. Challenge societal expectations and create your own rules

"Rules that don't feel right probably are not right. My mom must have had a rule that if she couldn't be perfect, she would rather be nothing at all. I wish she could have known that we are the ones in control of our own rules."

Question implicit rules. Alexi learned to challenge societal expectations and unwritten rules that didn't serve her well. This included:

• Rethinking gender roles and expectations
• Questioning the "rules" of relationships and intimacy
• Challenging athletic and artistic norms

Create your own playbook. By recognizing that many "rules" are self-imposed or societal constructs, Alexi was able to:

• Define success on her own terms
• Pursue unconventional career paths
• Build relationships based on mutual growth and support

The power of rewriting rules. Alexi's willingness to challenge and rewrite rules allowed her to:

• Combine her athletic and artistic pursuits
• Navigate complex personal and professional relationships
• Find unique solutions to challenges in her life

6. Embrace your body and talents, even if they don't fit conventional standards

"I became stunning to myself."

Redefine beauty and strength. Alexi struggled with body image issues as her athletic career transformed her physique. She learned to:

• Appreciate her body for its strength and capabilities
• Challenge conventional beauty standards
• Find confidence in her unique attributes

Overcoming self-doubt. Through exposure to confident female athletes and her own accomplishments, Alexi developed:

• A deep appreciation for her athletic body
• The courage to showcase her unique talents on screen
• A desire to represent non-traditional female body types in media

Turning uniqueness into strength. By embracing her distinctive qualities, Alexi was able to:

• Excel in both athletics and artistry
• Create authentic representations of female athletes in film
• Inspire others to embrace their own unique attributes

7. Love is a journey of mutual growth and support

"If you find someone who pulls you out of the real world and makes you feel like the two of you are inside your own little snow globe, hold on to them."

Building a partnership. Alexi's relationship with her husband, Jeremy, demonstrates the power of mutual support and shared dreams. Their partnership is characterized by:

• A willingness to take risks together
• Supporting each other's individual pursuits
• Adapting to challenges as a team

Navigating challenges together. Alexi and Jeremy faced numerous obstacles, including:

• Long-distance periods
• Career uncertainties
• Mental health struggles

Their ability to work through these challenges strengthened their bond and individual growth.

Creating a shared vision. By aligning their goals and dreams, Alexi and Jeremy were able to:

• Collaborate on creative projects
• Support each other's athletic and artistic pursuits
• Build a life that balances individual and shared aspirations

8. Overcome depression by focusing on actions, not feelings

"First your actions change, then your thoughts, then finally your feelings, in that specific order."

Recognizing the struggle. Alexi experienced severe depression following her Olympic performance, learning that:

• Depression can affect anyone, regardless of success
• Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness
• Recovery is possible with the right support and approach

Action-focused recovery. Alexi's therapist taught her to focus on actions rather than trying to change her feelings directly:

• Commit to small, consistent actions each day
• Trust that thoughts and feelings will follow improved actions
• Be patient with the recovery process

Tools for managing depression:

• Consistent therapy sessions
• Medication when necessary
• Maintaining routines and commitments
• Focusing on helping others
• Reframing negative thoughts

9. Create your own traditions and connections to your past

"Traditions are ours to create."

Finding connection through objects. With limited physical connections to her mother, Alexi learned to create her own traditions and connections:

• Using her mother's cooking pot to make spaghetti
• Wearing her mother's Gucci shoes on special occasions
• Creating new traditions around these inherited items

Building new traditions. Alexi actively sought to create traditions in her adult life:

• Establishing favorite places and routines in new locations
• Creating shared experiences with her husband
• Connecting to her Greek heritage through food and culture

Passing on traditions. By creating her own traditions, Alexi plans to:

• Give her future children a sense of connection to their grandmother
• Create a legacy of shared experiences and memories
• Bridge the gap between past, present, and future generations

10. Success is about integrity and redefining goals, not just achieving them

"Trying your best doesn't mean being the best, it just means trying your best."

Redefining success. Through her athletic and creative pursuits, Alexi learned that true success is about:

• Maintaining integrity in the face of challenges
• Being willing to adapt goals when circumstances change
• Finding value in the journey, not just the outcome

The Chicago Marathon lesson. When faced with unexpected challenges during her marathon debut, Alexi:

• Adjusted her goals mid-race
• Found pride in finishing, despite not achieving her initial time goal
• Reframed the experience as a valuable learning opportunity

Applying success principles broadly. Alexi's approach to success extends beyond athletics to:

• Creative pursuits
• Personal relationships
• Mental health and well-being

By focusing on integrity and adaptability, Alexi has been able to find fulfillment and growth in various aspects of her life.

Last updated: January 23, 2025