Buy What You Love Without Going Broke

1. Spending is a Skill, Not an Identity

There is no such thing as being a “spender” or a “saver.” Everyone spends, everyone saves. Spending is what we do, not who we are.

Reframing spending. The book challenges the common notion that people are inherently "spenders" or "savers," arguing that spending is a skill that can be learned and improved. This perspective shifts the focus from self-judgment to self-improvement, empowering readers to take control of their financial habits. By viewing spending as a skill, individuals can approach it with intention and strategy, rather than feeling trapped by a fixed identity.

Skills can be learned. Just like any other skill, spending can be honed through practice and education. This involves understanding personal values, identifying spending triggers, and developing strategies for making conscious financial choices. The authors emphasize that even those who struggle with spending can learn to manage their money effectively.

Spending is not a reflection of worth. The book stresses that one's identity is not tied to what they spend or don't spend. This message aims to alleviate the guilt and shame often associated with spending, encouraging readers to separate their self-worth from their financial habits. This separation allows for a more objective and compassionate approach to managing money.

2. Values-Based Spending: Aligning Money with Meaning

The goal of values-based spending is to spend without guilt on what you love and build the right barriers to say no to what you don’t.

Prioritizing what matters. Values-based spending is a method that emphasizes aligning financial decisions with personal values. This involves identifying what truly matters to an individual, both on a macro and micro level, and prioritizing spending or saving for those things. By focusing on what is most important, individuals can make more intentional and fulfilling financial choices.

Saying no to what doesn't matter. A key component of values-based spending is learning to say no to things that don't align with personal values. This requires building barriers to resist impulse purchases and societal pressures, freeing up resources for what truly matters. This approach helps individuals avoid the trap of consumerism and focus on experiences and possessions that bring lasting satisfaction.

The Four F's. The book highlights four key areas that often align with personal values: family, friends, faith, and fulfilling work. These areas serve as a starting point for identifying what is most important and prioritizing spending accordingly. By focusing on these core values, individuals can create a more meaningful and fulfilling financial life.

3. Curiosity: The Key to Uncovering True Desires

When we’re able to train ourselves to be curious, we are better able to navigate our circumstances with decreased judgment and less shame.

Rejecting assumptions. The book emphasizes the importance of curiosity in understanding spending habits. This involves actively rejecting assumptions about why we spend and approaching our financial decisions with a "not-knowing" posture. By questioning our motivations and biases, we can gain a deeper understanding of our true desires.

Overcoming unhelpful thinking styles. The authors identify several "unhelpful thinking styles" that can hinder our ability to make sound financial decisions, including labeling, overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, "should-ing," and all-or-nothing thinking. Curiosity helps us challenge these patterns and develop a more balanced perspective.

Steps to practice curiosity:

• Create space for reflection
• Observe objectively
• Inquire inquisitively (avoiding "why" questions)
• Assess the data
• Respond with informed action

By cultivating a habit of curiosity, we can break free from ingrained spending patterns and make more intentional choices that align with our values.

4. The 90-Day Transaction Inventory: A Financial Mirror

If you want to make changes to what you will buy, you need to figure out what you’re currently buying!

Understanding current spending. The 90-day transaction inventory is a practical exercise that involves tracking all spending for three months to gain a clear picture of where money is going. This process helps individuals identify patterns, triggers, and areas where they may be overspending or making unintentional purchases. It's a tool for self-discovery, not self-criticism.

Analyzing transactions. The inventory involves categorizing each transaction, noting the date, vendor, amount, and purpose behind the purchase. This detailed analysis helps individuals understand the motivations and emotions driving their spending habits. It's about uncovering the "why" behind the "what."

Identifying areas for change. By reviewing the inventory, individuals can identify purchases that don't align with their values or bring lasting satisfaction. This process helps prioritize spending on what truly matters and eliminate unnecessary expenses. It's a crucial step in aligning financial decisions with personal values.

5. Manufactured Desire: Unmasking Consumerism's Influence

Mass production is profitable only if its rhythm can be maintained—that is, if it can continue to sell its product in steady or increasing quantity.

The history of consumerism. The book explores the history of consumerism, highlighting the role of figures like Edward Bernays in shaping modern marketing techniques. Understanding how consumer culture has been intentionally engineered helps individuals recognize and resist its influence. It's about becoming aware of the forces that are constantly trying to manipulate our desires.

Dopamine and shopping. The authors discuss the role of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, in driving shopping habits. Every purchase releases dopamine, reinforcing the behavior and making it more likely to be repeated. This understanding helps individuals recognize the addictive nature of shopping and develop strategies for managing it.

Fintech and frictionless buying. The book highlights how financial technology companies are making it easier than ever to spend money, capitalizing on the anticipatory dopamine rush associated with shopping. By understanding these tactics, individuals can be more mindful of their online spending habits and resist the urge to make impulse purchases.

6. The Power of "No": Reclaiming Control Over Spending

Setting a thirty-day time limit to your no-spend challenge means you’re not giving a permanent no to pleasure spending.

The no-spend challenge. The book advocates for a 30-day no-spend challenge as a way to reset spending habits and identify true desires. This involves abstaining from all non-essential purchases for a month, forcing individuals to confront their spending triggers and get creative in meeting their needs. It's a period of intentional restriction that leads to greater clarity.

Rules and exceptions. The authors provide guidance on navigating the rules and exceptions of a no-spend challenge, addressing common questions about necessities, sales, and social events. The key is to approach the challenge with flexibility and self-compassion, focusing on progress rather than perfection.

Preparing, abstaining, and reflecting. The book outlines a three-step method for conducting a no-spend challenge: preparing by setting goals and stocking up on necessities, abstaining from non-essential spending and tracking progress, and reflecting on the experience to identify lasting changes. This structured approach helps individuals maximize the benefits of the challenge.

7. Simplify Your Environment: Less Clutter, More Clarity

People think focus means saying ‘yes’ to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying ‘no’ to the hundred other good ideas that there are.

The bias towards complexity. The book explores the human tendency to prefer complex solutions over simple ones, leading to cluttered lives and overwhelmed minds. This "complexity bias" can hinder our ability to make sound financial decisions and achieve our goals. It's about recognizing the value of simplicity and intentionally seeking it out.

Simplifying physical spaces. The authors advocate for decluttering physical spaces as a way to reduce stress and improve focus. This involves removing unnecessary possessions, organizing belongings, and creating a more calming and intentional environment. A less cluttered space leads to a less cluttered mind.

Simplifying schedules and routines. The book also emphasizes the importance of simplifying schedules and routines to reduce decision fatigue and free up time for what truly matters. This involves prioritizing activities, saying no to commitments, and automating tasks whenever possible. A simpler schedule allows for more intentional and fulfilling use of time.

8. Curate Your Community: The Influence of Relationships

Relationships are a vital internal need.

The power of relational capital. The book highlights the importance of relationships in shaping financial habits and overall well-being. Building strong connections with supportive individuals can provide encouragement, accountability, and valuable resources. It's about recognizing the value of social capital and investing in meaningful relationships.

Navigating social spending pressures. The authors acknowledge the challenges of navigating social spending pressures, such as gift-giving, social events, and keeping up with trends. They offer strategies for setting boundaries, communicating needs, and finding alternative ways to connect with others that don't involve spending money. It's about prioritizing relationships over material possessions.

Building a supportive community. The book encourages readers to actively curate their community, seeking out individuals who share their values and support their financial goals. This may involve joining online groups, attending local events, or simply being more intentional about the relationships they cultivate. A supportive community can make all the difference in achieving long-term financial success.

9. Contentment Without Complacency: Finding Satisfaction

When you’re not trying to multitask constantly or overcommitting our time, we can have more opportunities to breathe deeply, move around, eat better, and play, which decreases the negative effects of hypervigilance, tension, and consistent chemical spikes in our bodies.

The elusive nature of contentment. The book explores the concept of contentment, acknowledging that it's not about achieving a state of perpetual bliss, but rather finding satisfaction in the present moment while still striving for growth. It's about balancing gratitude with ambition and recognizing that true happiness comes from within.

Challenging the "more is better" mentality. The authors challenge the societal belief that more money, possessions, or status will automatically lead to greater happiness. They encourage readers to question their desires and identify what truly brings them joy, rather than chasing after external validation. It's about shifting the focus from quantity to quality.

Cultivating gratitude and growth. The book emphasizes the importance of cultivating gratitude for what we already have while still pursuing personal growth and development. This involves acknowledging our blessings, celebrating our accomplishments, and setting meaningful goals that align with our values. It's about finding a balance between contentment and ambition.

10. Big Impact Energy: Spending as a Force for Good

Values-based spending is about so much more than getting what you love. It’s also your responsibility to the world around you.

The ripple effect of spending choices. The book highlights the far-reaching impact of our spending decisions, both on our personal lives and on the world around us. Every purchase we make is a vote for a particular business, industry, or set of values. It's about recognizing the power of our spending and using it to create positive change.

Ethical consumption. The authors encourage readers to consider the ethical implications of their purchases, such as labor practices, environmental impact, and social responsibility. This involves researching companies, supporting sustainable businesses, and making conscious choices that align with their values. It's about using our money to support a more just and equitable world.

Giving permission to others. The book concludes by emphasizing the importance of sharing our values-based spending journey with others, inspiring them to make positive changes in their own lives. By leading by example, we can create a ripple effect that transforms our communities and beyond. It's about empowering others to take control of their finances and live more fulfilling lives.

Last updated: April 12, 2025