Choosing a Jewish Life

1. Conversion is a Journey of Redefinition, Not Just Religion

Because a “Jew-by-choice” is not someone who makes a single major decision called conversion; a Jew-by-choice is someone who makes a home inside the act of Jewish choosing.

More than a change of faith. Converting to Judaism involves redefining familiar concepts and embracing new meanings. It's not merely adopting a new religion, but integrating into a civilization with a rich history, culture, and peoplehood. This redefinition extends to personal identity, family relationships, and one's place in the world.

New meanings for familiar terms. Words like "faith," "law," and "charity" take on different connotations within Judaism. The concept of "peoplehood" itself requires understanding a sense of collective identity that transcends national boundaries and individual beliefs. This process of redefinition can be both challenging and enriching, as it requires questioning assumptions and embracing new perspectives.

Holistic transformation. The journey involves learning new vocabulary, understanding historical events like the Holocaust, and re-evaluating holidays like Christmas. It's a process of continuous learning and adaptation, where the act of choosing becomes a way of life. This ongoing commitment to Jewish choosing shapes the convert's identity and integrates them into the Jewish people.

2. Peoplehood: Joining a Tribe in a Post-Tribal World

It is belonging to a people, not only those living but also those who are not.

Transcending individualism. In an age of increasing globalization and individualism, becoming Jewish offers a sense of belonging to something larger than oneself. It's about connecting to a four-thousand-year-old history, a shared culture, and a community that spans time and space. This sense of peoplehood provides a tangible connection to continuity and community.

Navigating "us-and-them." Even in an assimilated society, Jews often experience a sense of "otherness." This feeling can stem from the prevalence of Christian symbols and assumptions in American culture, as well as the historical reality of anti-Semitism. Joining the Jewish people means embracing this sense of shared identity and becoming part of a global family.

Challenging assumptions. Converts challenge the notion of Jewish identity as solely ethnic or hereditary. Their choice highlights the importance of living a Jewish life, engaging in Jewish practices, and actively participating in the community. This redefinition of Jewishness emphasizes the ongoing evolution of Jewish identity and the importance of individual commitment.

3. Choosing a Rabbi: Finding a Guide for Your Jewish Journey

I went to the rabbi to learn how he ties his shoelaces.

More than a teacher. Selecting a rabbi is a crucial step in the conversion process. The rabbi serves not only as a teacher but also as a mentor, guide, and confidant. This relationship involves personal connection, open communication, and mutual respect.

Finding the right fit. Prospective converts should seek a rabbi whose approach resonates with them. This may involve attending services at different synagogues, speaking with congregants, and scheduling introductory meetings. The goal is to find someone who inspires a love of Judaism and earns your trust.

Building a relationship. The rabbi's role extends beyond imparting knowledge. They provide guidance on Jewish practice, address doubts and concerns, and facilitate the convert's integration into the Jewish community. This relationship is a cornerstone of the conversion process, shaping the convert's understanding and experience of Judaism.

4. Study as a Spiritual Practice: Engaging with Torah

And the study of Torah is equal to them all because the study of Torah leads to them all.

More than academic pursuit. Jewish study, particularly Torah study, is considered a mitzvah, a sacred obligation. It's not merely about acquiring knowledge but about engaging in a lifelong conversation with the Jewish tradition. This engagement involves questioning, interpreting, and applying ancient texts to contemporary life.

The power of midrash. The uniquely Jewish approach to Torah study is through midrash, an imaginative yet disciplined search for revelation. Midrash transforms reading into a personal and collective exploration, blending academic rigor with creative interpretation. This process encourages individuals to find their own meaning within the text.

Community and debate. Solitary study is discouraged in favor of group learning. The give-and-take of Talmudic argument is a cornerstone of Jewish pedagogy, preserving minority opinions and encouraging critical thinking. Becoming a Jew means joining this ongoing debate and contributing your own voice to the conversation.

5. Rituals and Ceremonies: Embodied Transformation

I felt so sweet when I came out of the mikvah, I didn’t want to wash for a week.

Physical and spiritual acts. Conversion involves not only intellectual understanding but also physical and spiritual transformation. Rituals like mikvah (ritual immersion) and milah (circumcision) are intimate acts of renewal and rebirth. These ceremonies mark a transition and symbolize a commitment to Jewish life.

Mikvah: A primal embrace. The mikvah, a ritual bath, is a powerful experience of purification and renewal. Immersion in the water symbolizes a return to the source of life and a rebirth into the Jewish people. This act is often described as transformative, providing a sense of peace, connection, and belonging.

Communal welcome. Conversion ceremonies, such as standing on the bimah with the Torah, affirm the mutual commitment between the individual and the community. These ceremonies provide an opportunity for family and friends to witness and celebrate the convert's journey, strengthening their connection to the Jewish people.

6. Family Matters: Navigating Interfaith Relationships

Mom. Dad. We need to talk.

Transforming family dynamics. Converting to Judaism transforms your family of origin into an interfaith family. This can create challenges and require open communication, understanding, and patience. It's important to address concerns, answer questions, and reassure family members that your decision doesn't diminish your love for them.

Honoring parents. Telling your parents about your conversion can be a daunting task. It's important to approach the conversation with sensitivity, allowing them time to adjust to the idea. Reassure them that your decision is a continuation of the values they instilled in you, not a rejection of their beliefs.

Supporting children. If you have children, their needs and concerns must be taken into account. Explain the meaning of conversion in a way they can understand and reassure them that your love for them remains unchanged. Consider their wishes and provide them with the support they need to navigate their own religious identity.

7. Celebrating Conversion: Sharing Your Joy

May it be Your will, Adonai, God of our ancestors, to lead us in peace and guide our steps in safety so that we may arrive at our destination, alive, happy, and in peace.

A time for simcha. Conversion is a momentous occasion that deserves to be celebrated with joy and gratitude. Sharing your happiness with family, friends, and members of the Jewish community strengthens your connection to your new identity. These celebrations can take many forms, from intimate gatherings to large parties.

Personalizing the celebration. There are many ways to personalize your conversion celebration. You can incorporate elements of your ethnic heritage, choose meaningful readings and music, and involve loved ones in the ceremony. The goal is to create an event that reflects your unique journey and expresses your commitment to Judaism.

Giving back. Tzedakah, or charitable giving, is an integral part of Jewish tradition. Making a donation to a Jewish organization or cause in honor of your conversion is a meaningful way to give back to the community and express your commitment to Jewish values. This act of generosity adds another layer of significance to your celebration.

8. Becoming Jewish: Living a Jewish Life

Choosing Judaism has not made me a different person altogether, but it has profoundly affected many parts of me.

Beyond the rituals. The formal rituals of conversion are just the beginning. Creating a Jewish identity is an ongoing process that involves living a Jewish life. This includes observing Jewish holidays, performing mitzvot, joining a Jewish community, and engaging in lifelong learning.

Finding your place. Connecting with a synagogue is crucial for finding a spiritual home and building relationships with other Jews. Participating in synagogue activities, attending services, and volunteering your time are all ways to integrate into the community and deepen your connection to Judaism.

Embracing your unique identity. As a Jew-by-choice, you bring a unique perspective and set of experiences to the Jewish community. Embrace your ethnic heritage and find ways to integrate it into your Jewish identity. Your presence enriches the Jewish community and challenges traditional notions of what it means to be Jewish.

9. The History of Conversion: Joining a Millennia-Old Story

The names of proselytes are beloved unto me like the wine of libation brought upon the altar.

A continuous thread. Conversion to Judaism has a long and rich history, dating back to biblical times. Throughout the centuries, individuals from diverse backgrounds have chosen to join the Jewish people, enriching the tradition with their unique perspectives and experiences. Understanding this history provides a sense of connection to the past and a deeper appreciation for the diversity of the Jewish community.

From acceptance to suspicion. The Jewish community's attitude toward conversion has evolved over time, ranging from open acceptance to cautious suspicion. Historical events, such as the rise of Christianity and anti-Semitism, have influenced these shifts. Despite these challenges, conversion has remained an integral part of Jewish life.

A modern resurgence. Today, conversion is experiencing a resurgence, with thousands of individuals choosing Judaism each year. This influx of new energy and commitment is transforming the face of American Jewry and challenging traditional assumptions about Jewish identity. By understanding the history of conversion, we can better appreciate its significance in the present and its potential for the future.

10. Kavod Ha-Ger: Honoring the Convert

You have chosen us from all the peoples and nations and associated us with Your great name.

A mitzvah for all Jews. The concept of kavod ha-ger, honoring the convert, is a fundamental principle of Jewish tradition. It's a reminder that all Jews have a responsibility to welcome and support those who choose to join the Jewish people. This includes treating converts with respect, sensitivity, and understanding.

Challenging assumptions. Honoring the convert requires challenging preconceived notions about Jewish identity and embracing the diversity of the Jewish community. It means recognizing that there are many paths to Judaism and that each individual's journey is unique and valuable.

Creating a welcoming community. By creating a welcoming and inclusive environment, we can empower converts to thrive and contribute their talents and perspectives to the Jewish community. This involves providing resources, support networks, and opportunities for leadership and engagement. Ultimately, honoring the convert strengthens the entire Jewish community and ensures its vibrant future.

Last updated: April 2, 2025