Conversation Peace

1. Your Tongue Steers Your Life: Take Responsibility

Our tongues determine the direction of our lives.

Tongue as rudder. The Bible compares the tongue to a ship's rudder or a horse's bit – small but immensely powerful. Just as a rudder steers a large ship, your tongue directs the course of your life, leading you into calm or troubled waters and shaping your relationships. Accepting responsibility for your words is the first step in navigating toward peace.

Words have power. Words are not neutral; they carry immense power to create or destroy. Like a sharp knife, the same edge can be used as a helpful tool or a destructive weapon. Reckless words pierce like a sword, while wise words bring healing, build up or tear down, and determine the destiny of relationships and individuals.

Steering requires effort. Navigating your speech in the right direction requires conscious effort, time, energy, and commitment. Relying on God's guidance and strength, as outlined in the Bible's navigational chart for speech, is essential. Failing to actively steer leaves your life at the mercy of negative influences, potentially leading to disaster, just like a ship without an attentive pilot.

2. Words Reveal the Soil of Your Heart

For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

Heart is the source. The Bible views the heart as the governing center of a person's entire being – thoughts, emotions, desires, and decisions. Our words are merely the external overflow or reflection of what is hidden within our hearts, much like the composition of underground springs determines the water that bubbles to the surface.

Good fruit from good trees. Just as a tree is recognized by its fruit, our words reveal the condition of our hearts. Kind words indicate a kind heart, while ugly words point to inner ugliness. To produce good fruit (good words), the tree of our heart must first be made "good," which, biblically, means being made acceptable and morally excellent like God through a relationship with Jesus.

External vs. internal. Focusing solely on external behavior or "magic words" won't bring lasting change because the root of communication problems is spiritual, residing in the heart. Jesus taught that what comes out of the mouth (from the heart) is what makes a person unclean, not what goes in. True transformation must happen from the inside out.

3. Purify Your Heart's Soil with Truth

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

Soil of belief. Our deepest beliefs and values form the "soil" of our hearts, which determines what kinds of thoughts and words will grow. This soil can be pure truth or contaminated deceit. Deceit, biblically, is failing to acknowledge God's truth and claims, leading to false beliefs that anchor faulty words and actions.

Deceit's impact. Deceit allows negative attitudes like envy, pride, malice, and bitterness to take root, sprouting into destructive speech patterns such as slander, cursing, and complaining. If our communication lacks peace, it's likely rooted in contaminated soil. The devil, the father of deception, constantly sows seeds of falsehood to entice us away from God's truth.

Cleanup requires action. Recognizing the contamination in our hearts requires allowing God's Holy Spirit to test us, confessing our sins, and renouncing the deceit. This is a lifelong process of digging out false beliefs and replacing them with God's truth, found in the Bible. Aiming for excellence in our speech requires aiming for excellence in the soil of our hearts, regardless of the effort or cost.

4. Replace Bad Speech Habits by Sowing Good Seeds

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.

Fill the emptiness. When we repent and remove sinful attitudes and words, we create empty spaces in our hearts and mouths. These spaces must be intentionally filled with good things, or the old ugliness will return, much like an empty garden planter fills with weeds if not planted with good seeds. This is the power of exchange: putting off the old self and putting on the new.

Sow God's abundance. Our ability to give good to others stems from the abundance of good we receive from God – his grace, patience, love, and forgiveness. Focusing on God's lavish generosity enables us to be generous with others, canceling the small "debts" they owe us when they hurt us, rather than demanding repayment based on a scarcity mindset.

Plant specific seeds. We are called to sow specific seeds of goodness provided by God:

• Truth: Believing and applying God's Word to counter lies.
• Abundance: Giving generously because God has given generously to us.
• Grace: Extending unmerited favor to others as God has to us.
• Goodness: Cultivating positive character traits that result in fruitful words.
  This requires actively storing up God's goodness in our hearts, like stocking a pantry for future use.

5. Pride Builds High Gates That Block Communication

He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.

Gates as barriers. The Bible uses the metaphor of a gate for the mouth, which can either shut people out or invite them in. Pride leads us to build "high gates" of battle, control, assumption, and entitlement, creating formidable barriers in relationships. These gates signify a battle mentality, expecting and inviting conflict rather than peace.

Battle tactics. A battle mentality enters conversations with swords drawn, ready to defend or attack. This includes offensive tactics like accusing, harshness, and insults, and defensive tactics like concealing hatred, gossiping, and assuming the worst. These behaviors stem from pride, which focuses on our own rights, abilities, or insecurities instead of God's glory and sufficiency.

High gates of pride:

• Battle: Entering conflict with a combative posture.
• Control: Seeking to manipulate or coerce others into agreeing with us.
• Assumption: Believing we understand perfectly without truly listening or verifying.
• Entitlement: Demanding what we feel we deserve, neglecting self-sacrifice.
  These proud gates prevent genuine connection and communication, leading to hurt, distance, and broken relationships.

6. Humility Is the Key to Opening Communication Gates

Humility opens the door to effective communication.

Peace demolishes barriers. In contrast to pride, humility cultivates a spirit of peace, which opens doors and brings down barriers. A peacemaker's mindset is not "How can I get what I want?" but "How can I cultivate this relationship and honor God?" This shift allows us to approach conflict with a plow, not a sword, focusing on understanding and nurturing the connection.

Relinquish control. Humility involves relinquishing our claim to superiority and the right to control others. We humbly recognize that all true wisdom, strength, and the right to rule belong to God alone. This doesn't mean abandoning truth, but presenting our perspective with humility, aware of our own fallibility, rather than arrogantly demanding agreement.

Self-sacrifice opens gates. The high gate of entitlement, which demands comfort, control, acceptance, and recognition, is opened with the key of self-sacrifice. Following Christ's example, we set aside our perceived rights out of obedience to God, even if it involves hardship. This voluntary servanthood, focused on God's will rather than human demands, allows us to entrust ourselves to God's protection and experience the power of the open gate.

7. Build Strong Relationships with Constructive Words

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Words build tracks. Constructive words "lay tracks," bridging distance and connecting individuals, much like a railway connects distant places. Paul envisioned words building unity and harmony in relationships, allowing us to move from a "me-against-you" posture to cooperation for common good, like different parts of a body working together.

Spiritual construction. Our words have spiritual implications; constructive speech brings spiritual victory, while unwholesome talk grieves the Holy Spirit and gives evil a foothold. Paul's vision is for speech that defeats evil forces and triumphs through God's power, building up others according to their needs and benefiting listeners with grace.

Nourish with encouragement. Righteous lips lay tracks of nourishment, feeding and causing others to grow. Encouragement tells people they are valued, supported, and capable, giving them desire, confidence, and determination. It builds them up, makes them feel loved, strengthens them for good deeds, counters isolation, and provides joy in difficulty, overcoming obstacles like envy and lack of know-how.

8. Cultivate Tenderheartedness Through Kindness and Forgiveness

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Hard vs. tender hearts. When hurt, our natural tendency is often to become hard-hearted, leading to bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and malice. This calloused response creates distance and alienation, rippling out to affect other relationships and hindering our connection with God's grace.

God's tenderizing power. Tenderheartedness is possible because God has been tender toward us, offering compassion and forgiveness. His abundant grace provides the seeds needed for tenderness: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, and love. Sowing these seeds counters our natural toughness and allows our hearts to soften.

Inventory your heart. Examine your heart towards challenging relationships. Are you characterized by ill feelings, thoughts, speech, and intentions (hard-hearted) or compassion, kindness, humility, and forgiveness (tenderhearted)? Pursuing tenderness is a process, often taking time, but God promises to remove hearts of stone and give hearts of flesh if we desperately desire it and keep the pressure on through trials.

9. Speech Transformation Requires Lifelong Learning and God's Instruction

Speech transformation involves lifelong learning.

Need for instruction. Evaluating our speech against God's perfect standard reveals our shortcomings and the need for ongoing transformation. Like Isaiah, who felt ruined by his unclean lips when confronted with God's holiness, we see how far short we fall. However, God's standard is not out of reach; through Christ, we are already made perfect and are in the process of becoming holy.

Apprenticeship with the Master. Jesus is the perfect Master Speech Instructor, being "the Word" of God—creative, powerful, life-giving, enlightening, victorious, loving, full of grace and truth. He invites us to apprentice with him, taking his gentle yoke and learning from him. He chooses unlikely candidates—insecure, impaired, or impetuous people—demonstrating that our past doesn't disqualify us.

Open wide to be filled. God promises to put his words in the mouths of his people forever. Like Ezekiel, who ate a scroll of God's words that tasted sweet as honey, we need to desire and consume God's Word. Transformed speech is not out of reach; it is near, placed in our hearts and mouths by God. We need to open wide our mouths with desperate desire for him to fill us with his precious words.

10. Embrace a Teachable Spirit to Grow in Communication

Disciples welcome discipline. They are teachable.

Discipline and discipleship. The words "disciple" (learner) and "discipline" (correction, training) are closely linked. God lovingly disciplines his children through Scripture, leaders, friends, and difficult circumstances to train them for their good, helping them share in his holiness and produce a harvest of righteousness and peace.

Welcome correction. While mockers reject discipline, scorn instruction, and resent correction, disciples welcome it. They know that God's discipline is a sign of his love and faithfulness, even when it involves hardship and pain. Like David, who found that affliction taught him God's decrees and drew him closer to his Shepherd, we learn to follow God's guidance through trials.

God's purifying touch. God wants to train us so our words are pure. He disciplined Isaiah and Jeremiah by touching their mouths, purifying and empowering their words. We need to allow God to touch and discipline us, trusting that his fire will cleanse and transform our speech. In God's school, honor students are those who become more aware of their need for instruction and correction, depending on him rather than their own abilities.

11. Triumph in Communication Comes from Relying on God

"My Spirit, who is on you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever," says the LORD.

God's guarantee. God has made a covenant, a legal contract, with his people: His Spirit is with us, and he will put his words in our mouths forever. This guarantee means we don't need to worry about knowing what to say in difficult situations; he will provide the right words. Our success in speech transformation is guaranteed if we cooperate with him.

Touched and transformed. Like the man Jesus touched, opening his ears and loosening his tongue, being touched by Christ transforms our speech. We don't need to figure out how to speak perfectly; we need to desperately desire his touch and cooperate by "opening up" to his transforming power. This reliance on him, not our own efforts, is key.

Highest honors. Mockers boast in their own ability to control their words, but disciples know that true triumph comes from recognizing God as their Master and depending on him. When we cooperate with God, he transforms our incapacity into ability and our weakness into power, just as he changed Moses from an insecure stutterer into a mighty, eloquent leader. By pressing on towards perfection with God's help, highest honors in communication will be ours.

Last updated: June 21, 2025