Dealing with Difficult People

1. Understand the Seven Classic Difficult Types

Difficult people are predictable people.

Recognize the archetypes. The seven classic difficult types are: hostile-aggressive, complainers, silent-unresponsive, super-agreeable, negativists, know-it-alls, and indecisive. Each type has distinct characteristics and requires specific handling strategies.

Tailor your approach. For hostile-aggressives, remain calm and focus on facts. With complainers, acknowledge their concerns and redirect to problem-solving. For silent types, ask open-ended questions and be patient. Super-agreeables need clear expectations and follow-up. Negativists benefit from redirection to positive aspects. Know-it-alls require respect for their knowledge while gently introducing alternative viewpoints. Indecisive types need support in breaking down decisions into manageable steps.

Develop adaptability. By understanding these types, you can quickly assess and adjust your communication style. This flexibility allows you to maintain productivity and positive relationships, even in challenging interpersonal situations.

2. Master Conflict Resolution Techniques

Conflict will not be effectively resolved if there is no facility for emotional release in conflict resolution.

Acknowledge emotions. Recognize that conflicts often stem from emotional reactions. Allow space for individuals to express their feelings without judgment. This emotional release can pave the way for more rational problem-solving.

Focus on interests, not positions. Encourage parties to articulate their underlying needs and concerns rather than fixed positions. This approach opens up more possibilities for mutually beneficial solutions.

Use collaborative problem-solving. Engage all parties in generating multiple options. Evaluate these options objectively based on agreed-upon criteria. This process fosters a sense of ownership and increases the likelihood of sustainable resolutions.

3. Effectively Manage Difficult Bosses

Never let them see you sweat.

Maintain professionalism. Regardless of your boss's behavior, remain calm and composed. This approach helps you maintain control of the situation and your reactions.

Document everything. Keep detailed records of communications, decisions, and incidents. This documentation can protect you and provide clarity in ambiguous situations.

Seek understanding. Try to identify the root causes of your boss's difficult behavior. Are they under pressure from above? Lacking certain skills? Understanding their perspective can help you develop more effective strategies for interaction.

• Adapt your communication style to their preferences
• Anticipate their needs and be proactive
• Build a network of support within the organization

4. Navigate Challenging Colleague Relationships

Personal attacks don't work. They leave behind a stain on a relationship which can take forever to remove.

Focus on issues, not personalities. When conflicts arise, keep discussions centered on specific behaviors or situations rather than personal characteristics. This approach reduces defensiveness and promotes problem-solving.

Build alliances. Cultivate positive relationships with a diverse range of colleagues. These connections can provide support, different perspectives, and potential mediation in difficult situations.

Practice active listening. Show genuine interest in your colleagues' viewpoints, even when you disagree. Paraphrase their points to ensure understanding and demonstrate respect for their opinions.

• Use "I" statements to express your concerns without blame
• Look for common ground and shared goals
• Offer solutions, not just complaints

5. Handle Problematic Staff with Finesse

There are no bad staff, just poorly performing managers.

Set clear expectations. Ensure that your staff understand their roles, responsibilities, and performance standards. Regular communication and written guidelines can prevent misunderstandings.

Address issues promptly. Don't let problems fester. Have timely, private conversations to address concerns. Be specific about the behavior that needs to change and offer support for improvement.

Recognize and reward good performance. Regularly acknowledge staff members who meet or exceed expectations. This positive reinforcement can motivate others and create a culture of excellence.

• Provide ongoing feedback, both positive and constructive
• Offer training and development opportunities
• Document performance issues and improvement plans

6. Defuse Tension with Egotists and Aggressive Individuals

Don't try to out-manipulate a manipulator. Instead, deal with it head on.

Appeal to their self-interest. With egotists, frame requests or feedback in terms of how it benefits them. For aggressive individuals, acknowledge their concerns while redirecting the conversation to constructive solutions.

Use assertive communication. Clearly state your own needs and boundaries without aggression. Use "I" statements to express how their behavior affects you and the work environment.

Seek win-win solutions. Look for ways to meet both your needs and theirs. This approach can turn potential conflicts into opportunities for collaboration and mutual gain.

• Avoid personal attacks or sarcasm
• Stay focused on facts and specific behaviors
• Use strategic praise to reinforce positive interactions

7. Transform Negativity and Criticism into Productivity

Criticism from customers must be listened to. Criticism from junior colleagues is worth attending to: think how much courage it has taken for them to face you.

Reframe criticism as feedback. Encourage a culture where constructive criticism is seen as an opportunity for improvement rather than a personal attack. Model this behavior by graciously accepting feedback yourself.

Dig deeper into complaints. Often, negativity stems from underlying issues or unmet needs. Ask probing questions to understand the root causes of dissatisfaction.

Channel negative energy into problem-solving. Challenge critics to propose solutions. This approach can turn complainers into valuable contributors to organizational improvement.

• Acknowledge valid points in criticism
• Set clear boundaries for how feedback should be delivered
• Regularly solicit input on how processes or conditions can be improved

8. Optimize Meetings for Maximum Efficiency

Meetings are not an add-on, not an interruption of the working day, and not an appendage. Meetings are management.

Plan meticulously. Create and distribute a clear agenda in advance. Specify the purpose, desired outcomes, and time allocations for each item.

Manage participation effectively. Encourage input from all attendees, but keep discussions focused and on-track. Use techniques like round-robin or breakout groups to ensure diverse perspectives are heard.

Follow up diligently. Distribute minutes or action items promptly after the meeting. Assign clear responsibilities and deadlines for follow-up tasks.

• Start and end on time
• Use technology to enhance participation and information sharing
• Regularly evaluate meeting effectiveness and adjust formats as needed

9. Leverage Technology to Enhance Communication

Once-glamorous options such as video-conferencing have now become routine.

Choose the right tool for the job. Consider the nature of the communication and the preferences of your audience when selecting between email, instant messaging, video calls, or other platforms.

Establish clear guidelines. Develop and communicate policies for appropriate use of various communication technologies. This can help prevent misunderstandings and maintain professional standards.

Stay current with emerging technologies. Regularly assess new communication tools that could improve efficiency or collaboration within your organization.

• Use video for complex or sensitive discussions
• Leverage project management software for team coordination
• Implement secure file-sharing systems for document collaboration

10. Turn Customer Complaints into Opportunities

Handled correctly, a complaining customer can become an advocate and a champion.

Listen actively and empathetically. Give the customer your full attention and acknowledge their feelings. This approach can often defuse tension and open the door to resolution.

Take ownership of the problem. Even if you're not directly responsible, show the customer that you're committed to finding a solution. This builds trust and demonstrates your organization's commitment to service.

Follow up and exceed expectations. After resolving the immediate issue, go the extra mile to ensure customer satisfaction. This could involve a follow-up call, a small gesture of goodwill, or proactive suggestions to prevent future problems.

• Train staff in effective complaint handling techniques
• Use complaints as valuable feedback for process improvement
• Implement a system to track and analyze complaint patterns

Last updated: August 21, 2024