Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

1. Embrace Feminism as Unconditional Equality

"Your feminist premise should be: I matter. I matter equally. Not 'if only'. Not 'as long as'. I matter equally. Full stop."

Unconditional equality. Feminism is not about conditional female equality or female superiority. It's about the fundamental belief that women and men are inherently equal. This premise should be the foundation for all interactions and decisions in life.

Rejecting Feminism Lite. Avoid the trap of "Feminism Lite," which suggests that men are naturally superior but should treat women well. This mindset perpetuates inequality and undermines true feminist values. Instead, advocate for full equality in all aspects of life, including:

• Career opportunities
• Domestic responsibilities
• Decision-making power
• Social expectations

2. Reject Gender Roles and Stereotypes

"Because you are a girl' is never a reason for anything. Ever."

Challenge societal norms. Actively question and reject gender roles that limit potential and perpetuate inequality. These roles are socially constructed and can be changed. Encourage children to explore interests and activities based on their individual preferences, not societal expectations.

Promote gender-neutral parenting. Apply this principle in various aspects of child-rearing:

• Toys: Offer a diverse range of toys, not limited by gender stereotypes
• Clothing: Allow children to choose clothes based on comfort and personal taste
• Activities: Encourage participation in sports, arts, and other pursuits regardless of gender
• Household chores: Assign tasks based on ability and fairness, not gender

3. Foster Self-Reliance and Identity

"Teach her self-reliance. Tell her that it is important to be able to do for herself and fend for herself."

Empower independence. Encourage self-reliance in all aspects of life, from practical skills to emotional resilience. This fosters confidence and prepares children to navigate the world effectively.

Cultivate a strong sense of identity. Help children develop a positive self-image that includes:

• Cultural pride: Teach them to embrace their heritage while critically examining cultural practices
• Individual strengths: Recognize and nurture their unique talents and abilities
• Personal values: Help them develop their own ethical framework
• Diverse role models: Expose them to inspiring figures from various backgrounds

4. Teach Critical Thinking and Language Awareness

"Teach her to question language. Language is the repository of our prejudices, our beliefs, our assumptions."

Develop linguistic awareness. Help children understand the power of language in shaping perceptions and reinforcing biases. Encourage them to critically analyze the words they hear and use.

Question societal norms. Teach children to examine common phrases, assumptions, and practices through a critical lens. This includes:

• Analyzing media messages
• Questioning traditional sayings and proverbs
• Examining historical narratives
• Challenging gender-biased language in everyday conversations

5. Prioritize Education and Love of Learning

"Teach Chizalum to read. Teach her to love books. The best way is by casual example."

Foster a love for reading. Cultivate a passion for learning through books and diverse educational experiences. This provides children with knowledge, empathy, and the tools to understand and question the world around them.

Encourage curiosity. Promote a lifelong love of learning by:

• Leading by example: Let children see you reading and learning
• Creating a print-rich environment: Surround them with books and educational materials
• Engaging in discussions: Talk about ideas from books and current events
• Supporting their interests: Provide resources for exploring their passions

6. Emphasize Bodily Autonomy and Healthy Sexuality

"Tell her that her body belongs to her and her alone, that she should never feel the need to say yes to something she does not want, or something she feels pressured to do."

Promote bodily autonomy. Teach children that they have the right to make decisions about their own bodies. This includes the power to say no to unwanted touch or activities.

Discuss sexuality openly. Have honest, age-appropriate conversations about sex and relationships. Key points to cover:

• Consent and boundaries
• Emotional and physical health
• Respect for oneself and others
• Accurate biological information
• Healthy relationship dynamics

7. Encourage Authenticity Over Likeability

"Teach her to reject likeability. Her job is not to make herself likeable, her job is to be her full self, a self that is honest and aware of the equal humanity of other people."

Prioritize authenticity. Encourage children to be true to themselves rather than conforming to please others. This fosters self-respect and genuine relationships.

Balance kindness and assertiveness. Teach children to be:

• Kind and considerate of others' feelings
• Honest about their own thoughts and feelings
• Willing to stand up for themselves and others
• Able to set healthy boundaries
• Comfortable with being disliked for the right reasons

8. Redefine Beauty and Challenge Societal Norms

"Let her know that there are many individuals and many cultures that do not find the narrow mainstream definition of beauty attractive."

Expand beauty standards. Help children understand that beauty is diverse and subjective. Challenge narrow, mainstream beauty ideals that often prioritize specific body types, skin colors, or features.

Promote body positivity. Encourage a healthy relationship with one's body by:

• Focusing on health and functionality rather than appearance
• Celebrating diversity in body types and features
• Challenging media representations of beauty
• Encouraging physical activity for enjoyment and health, not appearance
• Avoiding negative self-talk about bodies

9. Promote Equal Partnerships in Relationships

"Teach her that if you criticize X in women but do not criticize X in men, then you do not have a problem with X, you have a problem with women."

Model equality in relationships. Demonstrate and discuss the importance of equal partnerships in romantic relationships and marriages. This includes shared decision-making, financial responsibility, and domestic duties.

Challenge double standards. Teach children to recognize and question gender-based double standards in relationships, such as:

• Expectations around household chores
• Career sacrifices for family
• Emotional labor and nurturing roles
• Sexual behavior and reputation

10. Cultivate a Supportive Community

"Surround her with a village of aunties, women who have qualities you'd like her to admire."

Create a diverse support network. Expose children to a variety of positive role models who embody the values and qualities you want to instill. This "village" should include:

• Strong, accomplished women in various fields
• Men who challenge traditional gender roles
• People from diverse cultural backgrounds
• Individuals who have overcome adversity

Encourage mentorship. Foster relationships with mentors who can provide guidance, support, and inspiration. These connections can help children:

• Develop new skills and interests
• Gain confidence and self-esteem
• Navigate challenges and setbacks
• Envision diverse future possibilities for themselves

Last updated: January 22, 2025