Diana

1. A difficult childhood shaped Diana's sense of being different.

I always felt very different from everyone else, very detached.

Early family trauma. Diana's childhood was deeply affected by her parents' acrimonious divorce when she was six. She recalled constant crying, lonely silences, and feeling like a "nuisance" for not being born a boy to continue the family line. This instability led to a feeling of detachment and a sense that she was somehow set apart from others.

Lack of emotional warmth. Despite a privileged upbringing with nannies and material comforts, Diana craved affection and physical closeness that her parents, products of a distant era, did not provide. She remembered her brother crying for their mother and feeling unable to comfort him, a lasting painful memory. This emotional void contributed to her later struggles with self-worth.

Seeking connection early. Even as a child, Diana showed a natural empathy and desire to connect with people from all walks of life, a quality her father encouraged. She enjoyed visiting the elderly and those in mental asylums, finding a sense of purpose and connection that was missing in her family life. This foreshadowed her later humanitarian work.

2. Entering the royal world was an overwhelming shock.

One minute I was nobody, the next minute I was Princess of Wales, mother, media toy, member of this family, you name it, and it was too much for one person at that time.

Sudden, intense scrutiny. The transition from kindergarten teacher to global icon after her engagement was abrupt and overwhelming. She was instantly thrust into the spotlight, with constant media attention monitoring her every move, which she found terrifying and difficult to cope with. The Palace press office offered little support, telling her she was "on her own."

Unprepared for the role. Despite her aristocratic background, Diana felt ill-equipped for the rigid protocol and expectations of royal life. She received minimal training and felt like an outsider in the formal, emotionally reserved environment of Buckingham Palace. Simple tasks like knowing how to curtsy or handle her handbag in public became sources of anxiety.

Loss of personal freedom. Her engagement marked the end of her private life, a fact starkly highlighted by her bodyguard the night before the announcement. She missed the simple joys of her bachelor life with friends, feeling confined and watched constantly. This loss of freedom contributed significantly to her early unhappiness within the system.

3. Her marriage was marked by loneliness and a painful love triangle.

There were three of us in this marriage so it was a bit crowded.

Camilla's constant presence. From the early days of her courtship and honeymoon, Diana was acutely aware of Prince Charles's deep connection to Camilla Parker Bowles. Discovering gifts, letters, and overhearing conversations fueled her jealousy and suspicion, making her feel like a third wheel in her own marriage. This created immense emotional distress.

Lack of spousal support. Diana felt her husband was indifferent to her struggles, particularly her difficulties with the media and her health issues. She craved his support, encouragement, and praise, but felt constantly dismissed or criticized instead. This emotional neglect deepened her sense of isolation within the marriage.

Growing emotional distance. Despite moments of closeness, particularly before Prince Harry's birth, the couple drifted apart, leading separate lives and eventually sleeping in separate rooms. Diana felt increasingly alone and unloved, believing the marriage was a "charade" and that her husband had effectively "abdicated his regal responsibilities" within their relationship.

4. Bulimia and self-harm were desperate cries for help.

He walked in and said: ‘How many times have you tried to do yourself in?’ I thought: ‘I don’t believe this question’, so I heard myself say: ‘Four or five times.’

Triggered by emotional pain. Diana's bulimia began shortly after her engagement, triggered by a comment from Prince Charles about her weight and the stress of his relationship with Camilla. It became a way to release tension and feel a sense of control in a life where she felt powerless. The condition worsened significantly during her pregnancy and early marriage.

Attempts as calls for help. Her acts of self-harm, including throwing herself down stairs and cutting herself, were not serious suicide attempts but desperate pleas for attention and understanding from her husband and the royal family. She felt unheard and dismissed when she tried to articulate her distress.

Misunderstood by the system. The royal family and some doctors initially viewed her bulimia and emotional struggles as the cause of the marriage problems, rather than symptoms of her unhappiness and the pressures she faced. They offered pills instead of the rest, patience, and understanding she felt she needed. This lack of empathy exacerbated her suffering.

5. Through suffering, Diana found her inner strength and purpose.

My outlook on life has changed its course and become more positive and balanced.

Learning to cope with crisis. Tragic events, like the death of Major Hugh Lindsay in an avalanche, revealed Diana's ability to remain calm and take charge in a crisis. This experience, coupled with therapy and self-reflection, helped her realize her inner strength and resilience. She began to understand that she could handle difficult situations.

Therapy and self-discovery. Seeking professional help for her bulimia and depression was a turning point. Therapists helped her understand that her problems were not solely her fault and encouraged her to build self-esteem. Reading books about her condition and psychology helped her feel less alone and validated her experiences.

Finding fulfillment in helping others. Her charity work, particularly with the sick and dying, provided a deep sense of purpose and satisfaction that royal duties alone did not. She felt genuinely needed and valued in these interactions, which boosted her confidence and allowed her natural compassion to shine. This work became a vital part of her identity.

6. Separation ended the fairytale but brought hope for a new life.

The fairytale had come to an end …

Formalizing the inevitable. The official separation in 1992, though sad, was a necessary step after years of a broken marriage. It ended the public "fairytale" charade and allowed Diana to begin building a life independent of her husband. This decision brought a sense of peace and relief, despite the challenges ahead.

New freedoms and challenges. Separation offered Diana more control over her life, including her home and schedule. However, it also brought new difficulties, such as negotiating her role within the royal family, dealing with continued media scrutiny, and facing the prospect of living alone. She had to learn to navigate this new, undefined space.

Ambivalence about the future. While she gained freedom, Diana also faced uncertainty about her future role and status. She grappled with the idea of leaving the royal system entirely but worried about losing access to her children and the platform her position provided for her charity work. This period was marked by both hope and indecision.

7. Motherhood was Diana's anchor and greatest joy.

I hug my children to death. I get into bed with them at night, hug them and say: ‘Who loves them most in the whole world?’ and they always say: ‘Mummy’.

A source of unconditional love. Her sons, William and Harry, were the most important people in Diana's life and a constant source of love and stability. She was fiercely protective and determined to give them the emotional warmth and affection she felt she had lacked in her own childhood. Their bond was a vital lifeline.

Shielding them from royal life. Diana was determined to raise her children as normally as possible, ensuring they experienced the outside world beyond palace walls and boarding schools. She chose their schools and involved them in her charity work to give them an understanding of different lives and emotions. She wanted them to be open and empathetic.

Preparing the future king. Conscious of William's destiny, Diana subtly prepared him for his future role by exposing him to real-world issues and encouraging his emotional development. She believed this was essential for him to be a compassionate and effective monarch. She was proud of his sensitivity and understanding.

8. The media's intense focus was a constant, complex challenge.

I always believed the press would kill her in the end.

From adoration to scrutiny. Initially portrayed as a fairytale princess, Diana's relationship with the media became increasingly complex and often hostile. While her popularity provided a platform for her work, the relentless intrusion into her private life was a constant source of stress and contributed to her unhappiness. She felt hounded and misrepresented.

Used by both sides. Diana felt caught in the middle of a media war, with both her own actions and those of the Palace and her husband's circle being leaked or spun to influence public perception. The publication of private conversations like the Squidgygate tapes was deeply distressing and made her feel betrayed and violated. She struggled to control her own narrative.

A love-hate relationship. Despite the negative aspects, Diana also understood the power of the media and learned to use it to her advantage, particularly in promoting her charity work. She knew her image could draw attention to important causes, creating a complex dynamic where she both resented and relied on media coverage. This tension persisted throughout her life.

9. Seeking a new role as a humanitarian ambassador.

I would like to be a Queen in people’s hearts … someone’s got to go out there and love people and show it.

Beyond traditional duties. Diana aspired to a more meaningful public role focused on humanitarian issues rather than traditional royal engagements. She felt a deep calling to help the sick, the poor, and the marginalized, believing her position could make a significant difference on a global scale. This ambition grew stronger after her separation.

Championing difficult causes. She deliberately chose challenging and often controversial causes like Aids, leprosy, and landmines, areas where she felt she could have the greatest impact. Her willingness to engage directly with sufferers, often without the usual royal retinue, earned her widespread admiration and helped destigmatize these issues. Her empathy was her greatest asset.

Ambassadorial aspirations. Diana envisioned a role as a roving humanitarian ambassador for Britain, using her international fame to promote compassion and understanding. She discussed this with political figures, including Tony Blair, who recognized her potential. This new direction gave her a renewed sense of purpose and excitement in the final years of her life.

10. The struggle for independence defined her later years.

From now on I am going to own myself and be true to myself.

Breaking free from the system. After her separation and divorce, Diana actively sought to redefine her life outside the strict confines of the royal family. She reduced her charities, sought privacy, and tried to live a more "normal" life, shedding some of the trappings of royalty. This was a conscious effort to reclaim her identity.

Facing internal and external resistance. Her quest for independence was met with resistance, both from within the Palace system and from her own lingering insecurities. She struggled with indecision and self-doubt, sometimes retreating into isolation. The constant scrutiny and criticism from some quarters of the media and Establishment also made this transition difficult.

Finding her authentic self. Despite the challenges, Diana's journey towards independence allowed her to develop her character and pursue her passions. She invested in therapy, explored new interests, and focused on her charity work, gradually building a life that felt more authentic and fulfilling. This period marked a significant personal transformation.

11. Her tragic death cemented her image as the 'People's Princess'.

She was the People’s Princess and that is how she will stay, how she will remain in all our hearts and memories for ever.

Shock and outpouring of grief. Diana's sudden death in a car crash in Paris triggered an unprecedented wave of public mourning around the world. The scale of the grief reflected the deep connection people felt to her, seeing her as a relatable figure who had faced personal struggles despite her royal status. Her vulnerability resonated with millions.

A symbol of empathy and modernity. Her legacy became intertwined with her humanitarian work and her ability to connect with ordinary people. She was remembered for her compassion, her willingness to break down barriers, and her challenge to the traditional, distant image of the monarchy. She represented a more modern, emotional approach to public life.

Catalyst for reflection. Her death and the public's reaction prompted a period of national introspection in Britain, highlighting the disconnect between the monarchy and the people. It forced the royal family to adapt and show more emotional openness, demonstrating Diana's lasting impact on the institution she had struggled within. Her life and death left an indelible mark on history.

Last updated: May 14, 2025