Dinner for Vampires

1. A Childhood Search for Belonging

I decided he would be where I belonged.

Early instability. Growing up, the author experienced frequent moves due to her parents' job changes, leading to constant school changes and difficulty forming lasting friendships. This created a deep-seated feeling of isolation and a strong desire for connection and belonging. Her parents' volatile marriage added to the chaos, teaching her to question her reality and avoid being perceived as high-maintenance.

Finding solace. Acting became an early refuge, offering a community where her eccentricities were assets and she felt accepted. Inspired by her performing arts lineage, she pursued acting seriously, finding a sense of purpose and belonging on stage and screen. This passion provided an escape from her difficult home life and fueled her dreams of a stable, fulfilling future.

Seeking connection. The author's longing for family and belonging was a driving force. She idealized the idea of a large, loving family, a stark contrast to her own fragmented one. This deep need made her particularly vulnerable to groups that offered a strong sense of community and acceptance, setting the stage for future entanglements.

2. Finding a "Spiritual Family" in Los Angeles

This house was the most the family could afford a decade prior when the two brothers decided to pursue acting and found enough success that their family relocated part-time from Idaho to LA.

A new community. After moving to Los Angeles, the author struggled with loneliness and the superficiality of the Hollywood scene. She found connection through a Bible study group hosted by the Van Hewitt family, initially drawn to their apparent modesty, warmth, and genuine faith, which felt like a stark contrast to the ego-driven environment she was navigating.

Initial appeal. The group offered a sense of intimacy and connection she craved. The Van Hewitts, particularly Pam, provided a maternal warmth, while the brothers, Harker and Abe, offered intellectual and spiritual camaraderie. The shared faith and vulnerability created a powerful bond, quickly making this group her primary social and spiritual support system in LA.

Les's introduction. The dynamic shifted with the introduction of Les, a pastor from Idaho connected to the Van Hewitts. His charismatic presence and seemingly profound spiritual insights began to subtly influence the group. His ability to speak directly to the author's core insecurities, like feeling "second best," created an immediate sense of being deeply seen and understood, solidifying his place in her life.

3. Targeted Manipulation Disguised as Spiritual Truth

His words hit my core wound with surgical precision.

Exploiting vulnerabilities. Les quickly identified and targeted the author's deepest insecurities, particularly her feelings of inadequacy and her desire for approval. He framed these as spiritual flaws, such as "performance-for-love" and a "spirit of independence," convincing her that her struggles were spiritual battles she needed help to overcome.

Redefining concepts. Les introduced new terminology and interpretations of faith that served to control the group. Concepts like "spiritual authority," "covenant family," and "unity" became tools to demand obedience and conformity. He positioned himself and other leaders (Pam, Kurt, Lucy) as divinely appointed "spiritual parents" whose guidance was necessary for the group's spiritual growth and protection.

Creating dependence. By convincing members that their natural instincts and outside relationships were untrustworthy or influenced by the "enemy," Les fostered dependence on the group for validation and decision-making. This subtle manipulation eroded self-trust and made members more susceptible to his control, believing they were pursuing spiritual maturity when they were actually being groomed for compliance.

4. Isolation Tactics Severed Outside Relationships

We can honor our bio-families without betraying who God’s called us to be,

Distrusting outsiders. Les and the leadership actively discouraged close relationships with anyone outside the "covenant family," labeling them as potentially negative influences or lacking "spiritual ears" to understand the group's path. This included the author's biological parents and her friends from work and New York.

Creating an "us vs. them" mentality. The group developed an insular culture, framing external criticism or concern as persecution from the "enemy" or those who were "stuck in religion." This narrative reinforced the idea that the group was special and on a unique, divinely ordained path, further isolating members from their former support systems.

Examples of isolation:

• Discouraging the author from spending holidays with her parents.
• Pam's confrontational interactions with the author's mother and Camille's mother.
• Les's encouragement to cut off contact with friends who expressed concern.
• The group's avoidance of the author's father when he visited the Bible study.

This systematic isolation made it harder for members to receive outside perspectives or support, deepening their reliance on the group and its leaders.

5. Financial Exploitation Under the Guise of Ministry

There’s two million missing,” I muttered.

Investing in ventures. Under Les's direction, the group embarked on various business ventures framed as "ministry projects," including a motel and a restaurant. Members, particularly those with financial resources like the author and Dontay's mother, were pressured to invest significant sums of money.

Lack of transparency. Financial management was consolidated under TRIAD, a company run by Les, Kurt, Pam, and Gretchen. Despite requests for information, investors were given vague or misleading updates. The author, trusting the group, transferred control of her substantial earnings to TRIAD, believing it was a "risk-free investment" and a way to support God's work.

Financial ruin. The ventures were mismanaged and failed, leading to substantial financial losses for the investing members. The author discovered millions of dollars missing from her accounts, realizing the extent of the financial exploitation. This financial control was a key mechanism for keeping members dependent and unable to easily leave.

6. Control Extended to Personal Life and Identity

You look like you should be lounging at home on the couch, and that’s inviting for men.

Dictating personal choices. Les and the leadership exerted increasing control over members' personal lives, including relationships, career choices, and even appearance. This was justified as spiritual guidance necessary for growth and "unity" within the group.

Marriage as a tool. The author's marriage to QB, Les's son, was heavily influenced and orchestrated by Les. Despite her doubts and lack of romantic connection, she was pressured into the marriage, believing it was God's will and necessary to remain part of the "Family." The marriage became another arena for control, with QB monitoring her behavior, appearance, and interactions.

Erosion of self. The constant criticism, gaslighting, and pressure to conform eroded the author's sense of self and ability to trust her own judgment. Her career, a source of identity and independence, was undermined. This systematic control led to a state of learned helplessness and emotional numbness.

7. Cracks Appear as Internal Conflict Escalates

I think I was more disturbed by that than by Kurt punching me,

Growing dissent. As the manipulation and financial mismanagement became more apparent, internal conflict arose. Members like Harker and Abe began to question Les's authority and decisions, particularly regarding finances and the treatment of others. This dissent challenged the enforced "unity" of the group.

Escalation of conflict. Tensions boiled over, culminating in a violent incident at a softball game where Kurt physically attacked Abe, and Emily intervened to defend her husband. This public display of aggression shattered the illusion of peaceful "Family" dynamics and exposed the underlying volatility and control within the group.

Questioning the narrative. The softball incident, combined with ongoing financial concerns and the realization that Les had actively deceived members (like Dontay and Jasmine about his cheating), led more people to question the leadership's integrity and the group's true nature. The author began to see the patterns of abuse and manipulation more clearly.

8. The Breaking Point: Recognizing the Cult and Escaping

I was in a cult. And I had to get out.

The realization. After years of subtle and escalating control, financial exploitation, and emotional abuse, the author reached a breaking point. A final, ruinous trip to Los Angeles with QB, culminating in his abandonment of her and their baby, forced her to confront the reality of her situation.

Naming the abuse. With the help of old friends and her therapist, she finally allowed herself to use the word "cult" to describe the group she had been a part of. This acknowledgment was a crucial step in breaking the psychological hold the group had on her.

Taking action. Recognizing the danger to herself and her daughter, the author made the difficult decision to leave the marriage and the group. This required immense courage, as it meant facing the loss of the community she had desperately sought and the potential backlash from those she was leaving behind.

9. Rebuilding Life and Fighting for Freedom

Thing is, they underestimated mine, too.

Seeking support. Upon leaving, the author reconnected with her biological parents and old friends, finding the genuine, unconditional support she had been missing. These relationships, previously discouraged by the cult, became her lifeline as she navigated the difficult process of divorce and recovery.

Legal battle. The escape triggered a fierce legal battle for custody of her daughter. The cult members, unwilling to lose control, used intimidation tactics and legal maneuvers. The author had to fight to prove the abusive nature of the group and protect her child from their influence.

Finding strength. Despite the immense challenges, including financial ruin and psychological trauma, the author found strength she didn't know she possessed. Supported by her revitalized relationships and her determination to protect her daughter, she fought back against the cult's attempts to maintain control, demonstrating resilience and courage.

10. The Lasting Impact and Lessons Learned

I had gotten so used to numbness that when I felt the tears welling up, I tamped them down, afraid if I let them out I’d never be able to stop.

The toll of trauma. Years of manipulation, control, and abuse resulted in significant psychological trauma, including learned helplessness and emotional numbness. The author had suppressed her instincts and emotions for so long that reconnecting with them became a challenging part of her recovery process.

Understanding manipulation. Through her experience, the author gained a deep understanding of how high-control groups operate, particularly their methods of isolation, financial exploitation, and psychological manipulation disguised as spiritual guidance. She learned how vulnerabilities can be targeted and exploited by charismatic leaders.

Lessons in trust and self-worth. The journey highlighted the importance of trusting one's own instincts and the value of genuine, healthy relationships. Rebuilding her life involved reclaiming her identity, healing from trauma, and learning to discern true connection from manipulative control, ultimately finding strength in her own resilience and the love of her true support system.