Everyone You Hate is Going to Die

1. Relationships are often built on fear of being alone, not genuine connection.

If your other half completes you, why on earth didn’t you try to fill that void yourself first?

Societal pressure. The author argues that many people rush into relationships or stay in bad ones because society tells them they must be with someone to be complete or happy. This pressure starts young, leading people to view partners as glorified Pokémon they just need to "catch." The desire to emulate others or fit a perceived norm drives this behavior.

The "Jigsaw" analogy. The author's stand-up special, Jigsaw, famously led to thousands of breakups by making people question if their partner truly fit them, or if they were just forcing pieces together out of fear of being incomplete. This highlights how many relationships are built on the idea of finding a missing piece rather than two whole people choosing to be together.

Settling for less. This fear of being alone leads people to settle for partners who are "the ninth best thing" or simply the first person who showed interest. The author suggests this is a primary cause of divorce and unhappiness, as curiosity about what else is out there eventually surfaces, often years into a marriage.

2. Breakups are necessary, even if they suck.

It’s waaaaay crueler to not dump that person.

Cruelty of staying. The author vehemently argues that staying in a relationship you don't want to be in is monstrously selfish. Every moment spent with someone you don't truly want is time stolen from them – time they could use to find someone who genuinely likes them and offers a future.

Breakups always suck. There's no easy way to break up. It's always painful, even if mutual. It's an ending, a chapter closing, and it's natural to feel sadness for the loss of that person from your life, even if the relationship wasn't right.

Cutting ties is crucial. To heal and move on, you must completely cut the person out of your life initially. This includes:

• Deleting photos and texts
• Unfollowing on social media
• Avoiding contact, even "just being friends" immediately

This drastic separation, while painful, is presented as necessary for both parties to truly recover and move forward.

3. Sex is important for personal development and shouldn't be overly romanticized.

Have as much consensual sex as you possibly can, get good at it, find out what you like, and have a bloody good exploration of yourself and your body.

Sex as exploration. The author views virginity not as something precious to be "lost," but like baby teeth – something you eventually move past. He advocates for young people having plenty of consensual sex to learn about themselves, their bodies, and what they enjoy, free from the pressure of it being a "special" or life-changing event.

"Making love" vs. "Fucking". The book distinguishes between these two forms of sex:

• Making love: Deeply emotional, intimate, requires connection.
• Fucking: Carnal, instinctive, fun, can be purely physical.

Both are presented as valuable and necessary. If everything is "making love," nothing is special.

Challenging shame and jealousy. The author criticizes slut-shaming and partners who are jealous of past sexual experiences. He argues that a healthy relationship with sex involves accepting one's own and a partner's past, viewing it as experience rather than something that diminishes value.

4. Friends, especially of the opposite sex, offer unique perspectives and support.

I think having friends of the opposite sex is very important.

Different perspectives. Friends of the opposite sex offer insights into how the other gender thinks and experiences the world, which can be invaluable, especially in navigating romantic relationships. They can act as "emotional mentors" or provide a reality check on dating behaviors.

Navigating romantic assumptions. Society often assumes that opposite-sex friends must secretly want to be together ("Ross and Rachel" trope). The author argues this is often untrue and that these friendships are valuable precisely because they are not romantic, offering a different kind of deep bond.

Challenges with partners. Introducing a romantic partner to an opposite-sex best friend can be difficult due to jealousy and insecurity. The author stresses that loyalty lies with the friend in such situations, especially if the partner demands the friendship end, viewing it as a sign the partner is insecure or possessive.

5. Family bonds are complex; chosen family can be stronger than blood.

“Blood is thicker than water” is not only wrong as a sentiment, it’s also wrongly quoted.

Reinterpreting proverbs. The author challenges the common understanding of "blood is thicker than water," citing the full proverb ("The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb") to argue that chosen bonds (covenant) are stronger than biological ones (womb).

Impact of upbringing. Parents are the first significant relationships and shape who we become, for better or worse. The author reflects on his own parents' influence and contrasts it with parents who do a "shit job," arguing that not everyone should have kids.

Siblings and loss. The experience of having siblings, including a deceased sister, taught lessons about protection, forced love, and dealing with grief. While biological siblings are important, the author suggests that chosen friends can fulfill similar roles and provide equally, if not more, meaningful connections.

6. Nationalism is often absurd, but local identity and banter are powerful.

I fucking hate England.

Banter-fueled identity. The author expresses a deep, often humorous, hatred for England, which he frames as a core part of Scottish identity and banter, despite having English friends and family. This highlights how national identity can be built on shared grievances and playful antagonism rather than genuine malice towards individuals.

Political frustrations. This "hate" is fueled by perceived political disrespect and power imbalances within the UK, particularly concerning Scotland's vote on independence and being pulled out of the EU against its will. The author feels Scotland's voice doesn't matter to the larger English population.

Cultural pride. Despite the political frustrations, the author expresses immense pride in Scottish culture, from its history and cities (Edinburgh) to its food (haggis, Irn-Bru) and traditions (kilts, country dancing). This local pride is presented as a more meaningful form of identity than broad nationalism.

7. Americans are uniquely kind but also uniquely frustrating.

Most Americans are truly kind people.

Kindness vs. Sensitivity. The author finds Americans genuinely kind and friendly, noting their willingness to engage in conversation and care about strangers' well-being, unlike the more reserved British. However, this kindness is contrasted with an extreme sensitivity to criticism, especially about their country, often requiring the preface "I love America, but..."

Cultural quirks. Specific American behaviors are highlighted as baffling or frustrating to outsiders:

• Clapping when planes land
• Talking loudly in cinemas or elevators
• Lack of self-deprecation or understanding of banter
• Extreme reactions to minor issues ("Can I speak to the manager?")

Ignorance and propaganda. The author observes a willful ignorance in some Americans, fueled by propaganda (like Fox News), leading them to believe easily disproven lies (e.g., Trump's inauguration crowd size, Biden's "dementia"). He finds this level of deliberate stupidity terrifying and unique.

8. Toxic relationships are emotionally damaging and exploit empathy.

Emotional abuse is tough because it takes you ages to realize what’s going on.

Insidious nature. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse leaves no visible bruises, making it hard to recognize and prove. Manipulative partners can gaslight victims into believing they are imagining the abuse or that it's their own fault.

Exploiting empathy. Toxic partners often exploit a victim's kindness, trust, and empathy, using these positive traits against them. They isolate the victim from friends and family, break down their self-worth, and then present themselves as the only person who could possibly love someone so flawed.

Long-lasting impact. Escaping a toxic relationship is difficult because the victim's self-esteem is at an all-time low. The psychological damage can be profound, leading to difficulty trusting future partners and lingering self-doubt, even years later.

9. Being comfortable alone is crucial to avoid settling for toxic relationships.

People hate being alone so much that they’ll take something bad over nothing at all.

Fear of loneliness. The author posits that a deep-seated fear of being alone drives many people into and keeps them in unhealthy relationships. They settle for "something awful" rather than facing the perceived emptiness of being single.

Practicing solitude. Learning to be comfortable and even enjoy being alone is presented as a vital skill. It allows individuals to understand themselves better and raises their standards for potential partners – a relationship must be better than being single to be worth pursuing.

Challenging Hollywood narratives. The author criticizes movies and TV for rarely portraying single life positively, instead focusing on lonely, incomplete characters who only find happiness through romance. This perpetuates the myth that being alone is inherently undesirable.

10. Mental health struggles are universal, and seeking help (like therapy) is essential.

I think the fact of the matter is that we all have mental health problems.

Universality of struggle. The author argues that mental health is not a black-and-white issue where some people have problems and others don't. Everyone experiences struggles, anxiety, and sadness; the difference lies in severity and how well equipped one is to cope.

Impact of external pressure. The pandemic exacerbated mental health issues by removing external validation (like performing) and forcing introspection, leading to self-criticism and guilt over not being productive. The pressure to constantly "do more" contributes to this struggle.

Value of seeking help. Therapy is presented as a crucial tool for navigating mental health challenges. Using the analogy of a house fire, the author explains that a therapist helps identify the source of the problem and provides tools to manage it, even if the "fire" can't be completely extinguished. He advocates for free, compulsory therapy for everyone.

Last updated: May 10, 2025