Feminine Psychology (Norton Library

1. Neurosis Arises from Thwarted Self-Realization

Under favorable conditions man’s energies are put into the realization of his own potentialities.

Healthy development. Humans, like acorns, possess an inherent drive to grow into their full potential. This self-realization involves developing unique feelings, thoughts, wishes, interests, and the ability to express oneself authentically and connect with others. Favorable conditions, such as warmth, security, and healthy friction, nurture this growth.

Adverse conditions. Neurosis stems from environments where individuals are prevented from growing according to their needs. This often occurs when caregivers are consumed by their own neuroses, rendering them incapable of providing genuine love and support. The child experiences basic anxiety, a feeling of isolation and helplessness in a hostile world.

Coping mechanisms. To alleviate basic anxiety, children adopt rigid and extreme coping mechanisms, moving toward, against, or away from others. These strategies, while providing temporary relief, ultimately hinder genuine connection and self-realization, setting the stage for further neurotic development.

2. The Neurotic Search for Glory Creates an Idealized Self

Gradually and unconsciously, the imagination sets to work and creates in his mind an idealized image of himself.

Vital needs. Neurosis generates needs for integration, self-confidence, superiority, and identity. These needs arise from the individual's divided state, lack of inner strength, feelings of inferiority, and alienation from their real self.

Idealized image. The imagination creates an idealized image of the self to fulfill these needs. This image is built from personal experiences, fantasies, and perceived solutions to inner conflicts. Compliance becomes goodness, aggressiveness becomes heroism, and aloofness becomes wisdom.

Search for glory. The individual identifies with this idealized image, abandoning their real self. Energies shift from self-realization to actualizing the idealized self. This shift initiates a comprehensive drive called the search for glory, encompassing the need for perfection, neurotic ambition, and vindictive triumph.

3. Neurotic Claims Demand Entitlement from the World

The neurotic feels entitled to special attention, consideration, deference on the part of others.

Unrealistic expectations. Neurotic claims arise when understandable wishes or needs transform into demands. The individual feels entitled to have these needs met, regardless of reality. Non-fulfillment is perceived as an unfair offense.

Scope of claims. These claims extend beyond interpersonal relationships to institutions and life itself. They can manifest as demands for special treatment, exemption from rules, or immunity from consequences.

Irrationality of claims. Neurotic claims are unrealistic and egocentric, disregarding the needs and limitations of others. They often involve a denial of cause and effect, a belief in magic, and a sense of inviolability.

4. The Tyranny of the Should Enforces Impossible Standards

Forget about the disgraceful creature you actually are; this is how you should be; and to be this idealized self is all that matters.

Inner dictates. The neurotic aims to mold their personality into the idealized self through a rigid system of inner dictates. These "shoulds" encompass all aspects of being, feeling, and doing, setting impossible standards.

Disregard for feasibility. The tyranny of the should disregards feasibility and individual circumstances. It demands perfection, quick fixes, and retrospective alterations of the past.

Coercive character. These inner dictates are coercive, leading to violent emotional reactions when unmet. They lack the moral seriousness of genuine ideals, serving primarily to enhance the neurotic's glory.

5. Neurotic Pride Masks Deep-Seated Self-Hate

By taking this road, the individual is in fact losing his soul—his real self.

False self-esteem. Neurotic pride is a glittering but unsubstantial substitute for genuine self-confidence. It is based on imagined merits and external validation, rather than inner strength and self-acceptance.

Vulnerability. Neurotic pride is extremely vulnerable to hurt, leading to intense reactions of shame and humiliation. These reactions can trigger a cycle of defensiveness, vindictiveness, and further self-hate.

Interwoven with self-hate. Neurotic pride and self-hate are two sides of the same coin. The individual's inability to meet their impossible standards leads to self-contempt, creating a self-perpetuating cycle of negativity.

6. Alienation from the Real Self Leads to a Loss of Authenticity

The neurotic is the Faust who is not satisfied with knowing a great deal, but has to know everything.

Loss of connection. Alienation from the real self involves a loss of connection with one's feelings, wishes, beliefs, and energies. The individual feels like a spectator in their own life, lacking a sense of agency and authenticity.

Impact on functions. This alienation impairs emotional life, reduces available energy, weakens directive powers, and hinders the ability to assume responsibility. It creates a pervasive sense of uncertainty and meaninglessness.

Central inner conflict. The alienation from self sets the stage for a central inner conflict between the pride system and the real self. This conflict represents a battle for the individual's soul, with the potential for either further destruction or genuine growth.

7. General Measures to Relieve Tension Reinforce Neurotic Patterns

The neurotic is the Faust who is not satisfied with knowing a great deal, but has to know everything.

Automatic attempts. To cope with the unbearable tensions generated by the pride system, the individual employs various measures to relieve tension. These measures, while providing temporary relief, ultimately reinforce neurotic patterns.

Common measures. These measures include alienation from self, externalization of inner experiences, psychic fragmentation, and automatic control. They serve to maintain the idealized image and shift responsibility away from the individual.

Malfunctioning checks. The checks on imagination are malfunctioning in the search for glory. This does not mean a general incapacity to see necessities and abide by them. A special direction in the further neurotic development may make many people feel safer to restrict their lives, and they may then tend to regard the possibility of being carried away into the fantastic as a danger to be avoided.

8. Expansive Solutions Seek Mastery Through Domination

He does not want to climb a mountain; he wants to be on the peak.

Identification with the idealized self. Expansive solutions involve identifying with the idealized self and seeking mastery over life. This manifests as a drive for achievement, power, and recognition.

Types of expansive solutions. These solutions include narcissism, perfectionism, and arrogant-vindictiveness. Each type seeks mastery in a different way, with varying degrees of self-awareness and interpersonal impact.

Compulsive nature. The expansive drives are compulsive, leading to a disregard for limitations and a focus on the end result rather than the process. This can result in a loss of interest in truth and a shift from being to appearing.

9. Self-Effacing Solutions Pursue Love Through Subordination

The world should be at my service, and I should not be bothered.

Identification with the despised self. Self-effacing solutions involve identifying with the despised self and seeking love through subordination. This manifests as a need to please, appease, and sacrifice for others.

Compulsive compliance. The self-effacing individual seeks to earn love and acceptance by suppressing their own needs and desires. This can lead to a loss of authenticity and a sense of being used or exploited.

Morbid dependency. The pursuit of love can become a morbid dependency, characterized by a fear of rejection, a need for constant reassurance, and a willingness to tolerate abuse.

10. Resignation Appeals to a False Sense of Freedom

I am an unattached comet, rushing in space. Which means that what I need is real—others with their needs are unreal.

Withdrawal from conflict. Resignation involves withdrawing from the inner battlefield and seeking peace through detachment. This manifests as a "don't care" attitude, a restriction of wishes, and an aversion to effort.

False freedom. The appeal of resignation lies in a false sense of freedom from responsibility and emotional entanglement. However, this freedom comes at the cost of genuine connection and self-realization.

Shallow living. Resignation can lead to shallow living, characterized by a lack of purpose, a diminished capacity for enjoyment, and a general sense of meaninglessness.

11. Neurotic Patterns Distort Interpersonal Relationships

I am an unattached comet, rushing in space. Which means that what I need is real—others with their needs are unreal.

Egocentricity. The pride system makes the neurotic egocentric, hindering their ability to see others as individuals in their own right. They are primarily concerned with how others relate to their own needs and idealized image.

Distorted perceptions. The neurotic's view of others is distorted by their needs, externalizations, and defensive mechanisms. They may idealize or demonize others, project their own traits onto them, or become blind to their true qualities.

Reinforced basic anxiety. These distortions reinforce basic anxiety, creating a cycle of fear, distrust, and isolation. The neurotic's need for others becomes both more intense and more difficult to fulfill.

12. Neurosis Impairs Fulfillment and Satisfaction in Work

I am an unattached comet, rushing in space. Which means that what I need is real—others with their needs are unreal.

Impact on work. Neurosis impairs fulfillment and satisfaction in work by undermining self-confidence, distorting perceptions, and creating rigid conditions. The individual's approach to work is shaped by their dominant neurotic solution.

Expansive types. Expansive types may overrate their abilities, struggle with details, and have difficulty accepting criticism. They may achieve success but lack genuine satisfaction.

Self-effacing types. Self-effacing types may underrate their abilities, struggle with self-assertion, and have difficulty taking credit for their accomplishments. They may be productive but feel unfulfilled.

Last updated: April 4, 2025