Fighting Shadows

1. Men today face pervasive shadows causing deep angst.

A low-grade angst seems to have settled over the hearts of men in our world today.

Angst is widespread. Many men experience daily confusion, shame, and fear, a quiet desperation often hidden beneath the surface. This isn't just external cultural pressure but an internal struggle with falling short of being godly men.

Problematic reactions abound. Faced with criticism and internal failure, men often react in unhelpful ways:

• Overcompensating: Aggressively doubling down on traditional roles.
• Shutting down: Becoming passive and bottling emotions.
• Medicating: Escaping pain through distractions like porn, hobbies, or food.

These reactions deform. Such responses deaden hearts and shrink men, causing them to drift from the light into the shadows, becoming reactive instead of purposeful. The book aims to expose these shadows and guide men back to the light.

2. Satan's strategy is to eclipse God's light with problems.

Satan’s plan is to position something between you and God so that you cannot see his light.

Failure is the goal. Satan seeks to make men fail, not just in action but in faith. His strategy is ekleip, the Greek word for fail, also the root of "eclipse," meaning the light fails.

Problems block vision. By bringing problems and temptations close, Satan distorts reality, making God disappear behind the immediate struggle. Examples include Peter's fear eclipsing faith, the Israelites' fear of giants eclipsing God's power, and David's lust eclipsing his zeal.

Shadows lead to unthinkable acts. When God's light is blocked, men stumble in the dark, leading to shame, paralysis, and giving up. The goal is to reposition our eyes to see past the eclipse back to the source of light.

3. Fight Despair with Hope rooted in God's promised future.

Hope and despair are all about how we see the future and what we believe about it.

Despair is deadly. "Deaths of despair" (suicide, overdose, alcoholism) disproportionately affect men, highlighting a crisis of direction and connection. Mere optimism (worldly hope) isn't enough; it's wishful thinking without surety.

Hope is expectation. Biblical hope is concrete expectation rooted in God's promises and future. How you live now is dictated by your belief about how you will live then. A faulty telos (chief aim) leads to despair if it's not rooted in God's ultimate plan.

God's future is the true telos. Our hope isn't a disembodied heaven, absence of suffering, or total control. It's God making all things new, partnering with us now. Renounce false hopes and embrace God's promises:

• Suffering achieves eternal glory (2 Cor 4:17).
• Work is for good works (Eph 2:10).
• We are seated in heavenly realms (Eph 2:6).

4. Fight Loneliness by prioritizing deep, life-giving Friendship.

The real cure for loneliness is friendship—deep, enriching, beautiful, long-term friendship.

Loneliness numbs and kills. Unwanted solitude is a dangerous shadow, leading to aggressive/self-defeating behavior and emotional numbness. Research shows loneliness is as harmful as smoking or obesity and significantly reduces lifespan.

Friendship is a superpower. The Harvard Study of Adult Development shows strong relationships matter more than IQ, class, or money for life satisfaction. "Social fitness" requires consistent investment, like physical fitness.

Build friendship through presence. Key ingredients are proximity, unplanned interactions, and vulnerability. Resist the isolating effects of screens (smartphone, TV, windshield) by prioritizing attention, participation (living a better story, creating whimsy), and place (loving where you live).

5. Fight Shame by embracing Vulnerability and God's Delight.

Shame is the sense that there is fundamentally something wrong with me.

Shame is primal and destructive. Unlike guilt (I did wrong), shame feels like I am wrong. It's a slimy, anti-creation force that disintegrates, separating us from ourselves, others, and God. It's the Enemy's paramount weapon, pushing us to hide.

Shame requires outside help. You can't think your way out of shame; it's felt, sensed, imaged, then thought. It requires light and exposure through relationship, the very thing shame makes us flee. This creates a destructive cycle.

God delights in you. The solution isn't religious self-cleaning or distraction/medication. It's God's healing presence. He isn't ashamed or disappointed; he delights in you. Bring your hated parts to him; his love dissipates shame. Vulnerability, sharing your struggles, is the death of pride and isolation, leading to mending and healing.

6. Fight Lust by reordering desires towards Faithfulness and Formation.

For a Christian, sex is something sacred.

Sex is weaponized. The "pornification of everything" and the sexual revolution have created confusion, temptation, and pain. Reactions include repression (purity culture's failed promises) and unrestrained indulgence (desire + consent = disillusionment/deformation).

Sex is for formation, not just fulfillment. Our culture reduces sex to hygienic recreation, but it's a potent force shaping our lives. Sexual sin is against our own bodies (1 Cor 6:18), deforming our view of women, sexual appetites (increasing violence), commitment (hook-up culture, cohabitation risks), and sense of self (collapsing inward).

Reorder desires towards God and others. Sex points beyond itself to union, belonging, a disguised search for God. Lesser loves disappoint (Jer 2:12-13). Jesus offers true satisfaction (John 7:37-38). Reorder loves: Agape (charity) -> Philia (friendship) -> Storge (affection) -> Eros (romance). Sex is a sign of covenant, not just pleasure.

7. Fight Ambition by cultivating a Holy, Kingdom Vision.

Ambition is not often talked about in the context of our faith, but what we want and how hard we chase it are at the core of our spiritual lives.

Ambition is confusing. It can fuel passion or invoke shame. Worldly ambition seeks domination and attention ("killing it," "crushing it," seeking distinction). This damages others and leads to exhaustion.

Holy ambition is needed. The opposite of ambition isn't humility but sloth, passivity, and timidity. Godly ambition is a war for ambition, converting worldly drive into holy drive. Nehemiah, a cupbearer, shows how asking kingdom questions unlocks potential.

Cultivate kingdom vision. Lift your eyes beyond personal concerns ("personal peace and affluence"). Ask questions that expose your heart to the world's needs ("Why are men discouraged?"). This leads to the "crystallization of discontent," a sacred frustration that fuels radical change.

8. Fight Futility by embracing your Calling and meaningful Work.

I learned that meaningfulness is found in how you do something, not just in what you do.

Futility stems from disconnection. Modern shifts (wealth as money, machines replacing bodies, information replacing wisdom) create abstraction. Work can feel like a cog in a meaningless machine.

Master levels of ruling. Meaningful work is tied to ruling, bringing order from chaos. Master ruling yourself before ruling a team (marriage), tribe, or city. Skipping levels creates destruction.

Calling is a sandbox, assignments are dots. Your calling is your wiring, your passionate theme (a circle/sandbox). Assignments are specific jobs within that calling (dots). Find your calling by noticing gifts, passions, and what makes your heart alive. Live by a "code" (North Star purpose) so you're ready for your kairos (significant) moment, like Rick Rescorla on 9/11. Also, prioritize "play" (oxygen for the soul) to avoid burnout and maintain curiosity.

9. Fight Apathy by recognizing you're a Soldier in a spiritual War.

Many men today feel enveloped in an apathetic haze.

Apathy is a male malaise. Women surveyed noted men's lack of purpose, drive, and direction. Deindustrialization, family breakdown, and withdrawal from faith leave many men feeling haphazard and detached.

God is a general. Beyond shepherd, gardener, or father, God is a warrior (Exodus 15:3, Isaiah 42:13). We live on a battlefield, not just a garden. The war is spiritual, for our hearts, against an Enemy (Satan) who steals, kills, and destroys (John 10:10).

Be a soldier, not a civilian. Paul calls men to suffer like good soldiers (2 Tim 2:3-4), not getting entangled in civilian affairs (trivial things like excessive gaming or entertainment). This isn't about sinfulness but poor stewardship of time and vigor. Solomon's misallocation of strength on foreign wives instead of serving his people is a warning (Prov 31:3).

10. Becoming Light requires confronting fear and lethargy.

He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.

Confront the darkness. Enlightenment comes not from imagining light but making the darkness conscious. Shadow forces (despair, loneliness, shame, lust, ambition, futility, apathy) direct lives if unconscious.

Fight enemies of life. Every morning, fear and lethargy threaten progress. Fear says you can't sustain change, people will reject you. Lethargy is a lack of energy, a passive acceptance of the status quo.

Light removes fear. Jesus promises to be with us (Matt 28:20). God is our helper (Heb 13:6). Fear not mere mortals or Satan's accusations. Turn on the light of God's presence to confront what's there. Resist lethargy by remembering your calling, cause, and God's power. Fight because you love, like General Booth fighting for the lost. Be violent with the spirit, gentle with the person, like Jesus.

Last updated: May 3, 2025