First They Killed My Father

1. Loung Ung's idyllic childhood in Phnom Penh shattered by Khmer Rouge takeover

"From 1975 to 1979—through execution, starvation, disease, and forced labor—the Khmer Rouge systematically killed an estimated two million Cambodians, almost a fourth of the country's population."

Peaceful beginnings. Loung Ung's early life in Phnom Penh was one of relative privilege and comfort. As the daughter of a high-ranking government official, she enjoyed:

• A middle-class lifestyle with modern amenities
• Access to education and cultural experiences
• A loving family environment with parents and six siblings

Abrupt upheaval. On April 17, 1975, the Khmer Rouge seized control of Cambodia, instantly transforming life for Loung and millions of others:

• Forced evacuation of cities, including Phnom Penh
• Elimination of currency, markets, schools, and religion
• Implementation of a radical agrarian communist ideology

The stark contrast between Loung's peaceful childhood and the brutal new reality under the Khmer Rouge sets the stage for the harrowing journey that follows.

2. Forced evacuation and harsh new reality under communist regime

"I hate the gods for hurting me. I hate Pol Pot for murdering Pa, Ma, Keav, and Geak. I stab my wooden stake high into the dummy's chest, feeling it puncture the body and hit the tree."

Sudden displacement. The Ung family, along with millions of others, was forced to leave Phnom Penh with little warning:

• Long, grueling march to the countryside
• Separation from familiar surroundings and possessions
• Constant fear and uncertainty about their fate

New social order. The Khmer Rouge imposed a strict class system and rigid rules:

• "Base people" (rural peasants) given preferential treatment
• "New people" (city dwellers) subjected to harsh treatment and suspicion
• Forced labor, meager rations, and constant surveillance

Loung and her family had to quickly adapt to this brutal new reality, hiding their educated background and struggling to survive in a world where intellect and individuality were seen as threats to the regime.

3. Family separation and loss as survival strategy

"If we stay together, we will die together," she says quietly, "but if they cannot find us, they cannot kill us."

Desperate measures. As the situation worsened, Loung's mother made the heart-wrenching decision to separate the children:

• Siblings sent to different work camps
• Parents remained with youngest child
• Goal to increase chances of survival for some family members

Emotional toll. The separation had profound psychological effects:

• Loss of family support system
• Trauma of abandonment, even if understood as necessary
• Constant worry about the fate of loved ones

This strategy, while painful, ultimately allowed some of the Ung children to survive the Khmer Rouge regime. It demonstrated the impossible choices families faced under extreme circumstances.

4. Child soldier indoctrination and psychological impact

"Met Bong says Pol Pot loves me, but I know he does not. Maybe he loves the other children, the uncorrupted base children with their uncontaminated parents."

Systematic brainwashing. Loung, at a young age, was subjected to intense propaganda and military training:

• Daily indoctrination sessions praising Angkar and Pol Pot
• Dehumanization of perceived enemies, especially "Youns" (Vietnamese)
• Weapons training and combat simulations

Psychological conflict. The indoctrination clashed with Loung's memories and experiences:

• Struggle to reconcile taught hatred with her own background
• Development of a facade to survive while maintaining inner resistance
• Long-lasting impact on identity and worldview

The experience of being turned into a child soldier left deep scars on Loung and countless other Cambodian children, forcing them to confront violence and hatred at a formative age.

5. Devastating losses of family members to starvation and execution

"Ma is dead," I repeat to myself with little emotion. "Ma is dead." I have no memory of the three days after I left her village.

Gradual decimation. Loung's family was slowly torn apart by the brutality of the Khmer Rouge regime:

• Sister Keav dies from dysentery in a labor camp
• Father taken away and presumed executed
• Mother and youngest sister Geak killed by soldiers

Psychological coping mechanisms. Loung develops ways to process the immense trauma:

• Emotional numbness and dissociation
• Focusing on anger and revenge to avoid overwhelming grief
• Creating alternate scenarios or denying reality

The loss of her immediate family members left Loung with deep emotional scars and a burning desire for survival and eventual justice.

6. Resilience and adaptability in the face of constant upheaval and danger

"I have to be strong. No time to be weak."

Survival skills. Loung quickly learned to adapt to ever-changing and dangerous circumstances:

• Hiding her educated background and "new people" status
• Foraging for food and avoiding detection
• Navigating complex social dynamics in work camps

Inner strength. Despite her young age, Loung demonstrated remarkable resilience:

• Channeling anger and hatred into a drive to survive
• Maintaining hope for reunion with surviving family members
• Quick thinking in life-threatening situations

Loung's ability to adapt and persevere through unimaginable hardships was crucial to her survival and eventual escape from Cambodia.

7. Escape to Vietnam and perilous journey to Thai refugee camp

"With our legs shaking in fear, we follow the father, ducking when he ducks, keeping low when he keeps low."

Risky escape. Loung and her older brother Meng made the dangerous decision to flee to Vietnam:

• Reliance on smugglers and precarious situations
• Constant fear of discovery and punishment
• Separation from remaining family members in Cambodia

Boat journey. The final leg of their escape involved a harrowing sea voyage:

• Overcrowded boat with limited food and water
• Threats from pirates and treacherous weather
• Physical and emotional strain of the journey

The escape represents both the desperation of their situation in Cambodia and the hope for a better future, despite the extreme risks involved.

8. Hope for a new life in America amidst lingering trauma

"Five years," I think as we ride away. "In five years I will see them again."

New beginnings. Arrival at the Thai refugee camp marked the start of a new chapter:

• Possibility of resettlement in America
• Access to basic necessities and relative safety
• Opportunity for education and a different future

Lasting impact. Despite the hope for a better life, the trauma of the past remained:

• Survivor's guilt and worry for those left behind
• Challenges of adapting to a new culture and language
• Need to process and heal from years of violence and loss

Loung's journey to America represented both an escape from the horrors of the past and the beginning of a long process of healing and rebuilding her life.

Last updated: January 22, 2025