For Your Own Good

1. "Poisonous Pedagogy" is a tradition of cruel child-rearing masked as good intentions.

The former practice of physically maiming, exploiting, and abusing children seems to have been gradually replaced in modern times by a form of mental cruelty that is masked by the honorific term child-rearing.

Historical context. Centuries of child-rearing manuals reveal techniques aimed at controlling children from infancy, often justified as being "for their own good." This tradition, termed "poisonous pedagogy," uses methods like punishment, deception, and humiliation.
Masked cruelty. What appears as discipline or guidance is often a hidden form of mental cruelty. This early conditioning makes it difficult for the child to recognize the abuse, especially when coupled with dependence on parental love.
Passing it on. Parents, often products of this same system, unconsciously perpetuate these methods. They may genuinely believe they are acting in the child's best interest, repeating the patterns they experienced.

2. Suppressing a child's spontaneous feelings, especially anger, leads to severe psychological problems.

If he is prevented from reacting in his own way because the parents cannot tolerate his reactions (crying, sadness, rage) and forbid them by means of looks or other pedagogical methods, then the child will learn to be silent.

Silence as danger. Forcing a child to suppress natural reactions like crying, sadness, or rage prevents the integration of painful experiences. This silence, while a sign of pedagogical effectiveness, is a danger signal for future pathological development.
Repression's cost. Repressed feelings, particularly from early trauma, do not disappear. They remain unsatisfied and can cause severe psychological problems, including neuroses and compulsion neuroses, as they cannot be articulated or processed.
Adult consequences. Adults who were forbidden to express feelings as children may struggle with:

• Inability to recognize or express their own emotions.
• Difficulty setting boundaries or defending themselves.
• A need to expend energy to keep feelings suppressed.

3. Breaking a child's will and demanding blind obedience creates compliant adults susceptible to manipulation.

If their wills can be broken at this time, they will never remember afterwards that they had a will, and for this very reason the severity that is required will not have any serious consequences.

Will-breaking goal. A central tenet of poisonous pedagogy is breaking the child's will ("obstinacy," "willfulness") as early as possible, ideally before they can remember having a will of their own. This is seen as essential for instilling obedience and order.
False premise. The belief that this severity has no serious consequences is tragically false. While the child may forget the specific events, the trauma of having their will broken remains, leading to:

• Difficulty recognizing their own will or desires.
• Susceptibility to external authority and manipulation.
• A tendency to view another's will as their own.
  Political implications. Adults raised this way are well-suited for totalitarian regimes, where unquestioning obedience is paramount. They may identify with the authority figure, transferring early idealization of parents to leaders.

4. Traditional child-rearing methods primarily serve the unconscious needs and defenses of parents.

For parents’ motives are the same today as they were then: in beating their children, they are struggling to regain the power they once lost to their own parents.

Parental motives. Despite claims of acting for the child's good, parents often mistreat children due to their own unresolved psychological issues. The child becomes a target for displaced feelings and power struggles from the parent's own past.
Unconscious needs. Child-rearing can fulfill various unconscious parental needs:

• Discharging repressed affect (anger, humiliation).
• Reenacting power dynamics from their own childhood.
• Idealizing their own upbringing by applying its principles.
• Suppressing qualities in the child they had to suppress in themselves.
  Resistance to change. The deep emotional roots of these patterns explain the resistance to acknowledging psychological insights about child development. Exposing these mechanisms threatens parents' self-image and rationalizations.

5. Unconscious repetition compulsion drives adults to reenact their childhood trauma on others or themselves.

Would it not be much worse if the parents’ pedagogical aims were fully realized and it were possible successfully and irreversibly to murder the child’s soul without this ever coming to public attention?

Repeating the past. Adults who suffered abuse or emotional neglect as children are often compelled to repeat these experiences. This can manifest as:

• Abusing their own children.
• Seeking out partners who replicate the dynamics of their childhood relationships.
• Directing the aggression inward (self-harm, addiction).
  Seeking an outlet. Repressed trauma and forbidden feelings seek expression. If conscious processing is blocked, the unconscious compulsion to repeat takes over, often in destructive ways.
  Tragic cycle. This cycle perpetuates suffering across generations. The "successful" product of poisonous pedagogy may appear well-adjusted but carries the inner damage, which is then passed on.

6. Idealizing parents and denying childhood suffering prevents empathy and perpetuates the cycle of abuse.

Those who actually had the privilege of growing up in an empathic environment... or who later create an inner empathic object, are more likely to be open to the suffering of others, or at least will not deny its existence.

Blocking awareness. Idealizing one's parents and denying the pain of childhood abuse is a powerful defense mechanism. This denial prevents access to the truth about one's own history.
Lack of empathy. Adults who deny their own suffering often lack empathy for others, especially children. They may minimize or dismiss accounts of child abuse because acknowledging it would threaten their idealized view of their own past.
Perpetuating harm. This lack of empathy allows the cycle of poisonous pedagogy to continue. Without recognizing the harm done to themselves, they cannot recognize the harm they may inflict on their own children.

7. Destructive behavior, from self-harm to mass murder, is often an enactment of early, repressed abuse.

When terrorists take innocent women and children hostage in the service of a grand and idealistic cause, are they really doing anything different from what was once done to them?

Acting out trauma. Extreme destructive acts are often unconscious reenactments of early childhood experiences. The perpetrator, once the helpless victim, becomes the aggressor, projecting their own suffering onto others.
Examples:

• Christiane F.'s self-destruction through drugs mirrors her father's unpredictable violence and her own self-denial.
• Jürgen Bartsch's murders replicate his experience of being locked up, humiliated, and controlled, using butcher knives like his parents.
• Adolf Hitler's persecution of Jews reflects his father's brutality, his own humiliation, and the uncertainty of his origins.
  Seeking attention. These enactments, while horrific, can also be seen as desperate, unconscious attempts to communicate the hidden trauma of childhood to a world that failed to see or hear the suffering child.

8. Understanding the roots of cruelty in childhood is crucial for preventing future violence and societal problems.

If we do not do everything we can to understand the roots of this hatred, even the most elaborate strategic agreements will not save us.

Beyond symptoms. Focusing solely on punishing adult criminals or treating symptoms like addiction is insufficient. True prevention requires understanding the underlying causes in early childhood.
Societal impact. The widespread practice of poisonous pedagogy has far-reaching consequences for society, contributing to:

• Susceptibility to authoritarianism and manipulation.
• Difficulty with genuine empathy and connection.
• Cycles of violence and abuse.
  Breaking the chain. By bringing the hidden reality of child abuse into public consciousness, we can begin to dismantle the mechanisms that perpetuate cruelty and create a more humane society.

9. Society's widespread denial and silence about child abuse perpetuate the problem across generations.

Why did almost all the journals to whom these devastating reports were sent—journals whose main concern is with “society”—choose to respond with silence?

Collective denial. Society often colludes in the silence surrounding child abuse. This denial is rooted in the personal histories of individuals who were themselves subjected to poisonous pedagogy and find it too painful to confront.
Protecting the system. Experts, media, and institutions may unconsciously avoid acknowledging the extent and impact of child abuse because it challenges fundamental beliefs about family and upbringing.
Consequences of silence. This silence ensures that the tragic cycle continues, breeding future perpetrators and victims. The suffering remains hidden, forcing individuals to act it out rather than articulate it.

10. True healing and breaking the cycle require acknowledging and experiencing repressed childhood pain.

Consciously experiencing one’s own victimization instead of trying to ward it off provides a protection against sadism; i.e., the compulsion to torment and humiliate others.

Facing the truth. Healing from the effects of poisonous pedagogy involves confronting and experiencing the repressed pain, rage, and humiliation of childhood. This process is often difficult but necessary.
Integration of self. By acknowledging the vulnerable, hurt child within, individuals can integrate these split-off parts of themselves. This reduces the need to project or reenact the trauma.
Developing empathy. Experiencing one's own suffering fosters genuine empathy for others. This understanding is the foundation for breaking the cycle of cruelty and building healthier relationships.

Last updated: May 9, 2025