Happier

1. Happiness is the ultimate currency, not material wealth

Happiness is the highest on the hierarchy of goals, the end toward which all other ends lead.

Rethink success metrics. Most people pursue money, fame, or prestige as their primary goals, believing these will lead to happiness. However, research shows that beyond meeting basic needs, increased wealth does not correlate with increased happiness. In fact, rates of depression have risen tenfold since the 1960s, despite unprecedented material prosperity.

Prioritize emotional prosperity. Instead of chasing external markers of success, focus on maximizing your "emotional bank account." This means pursuing activities and relationships that provide both meaning and pleasure. When faced with choices, ask yourself: "What will make me happier?" rather than "What will make me richer or more prestigious?" By reframing success in terms of happiness, you align your pursuits with what truly matters.

2. True happiness requires both meaning and pleasure

To be happy, we need to find both meaning and pleasure—to have both a sense of purpose and the experience of positive emotions.

Avoid common happiness traps. Many people fall into one of two ineffective patterns:

• The "rat race": Constantly pursuing future goals while sacrificing present enjoyment
• Hedonism: Seeking immediate pleasure without regard for long-term fulfillment

Strive for synthesis. To achieve lasting happiness, integrate both present and future benefits in your pursuits. Engage in activities that:

• Provide a sense of purpose and contribute to your long-term goals
• Generate positive emotions and enjoyment in the present moment
• Utilize your strengths and align with your values

By balancing meaning and pleasure, you create a sustainable foundation for happiness that isn't dependent on fleeting highs or distant achievements.

3. Set self-concordant goals aligned with your values and interests

Self-concordant goals are those we pursue out of deep personal conviction and/or a strong interest.

Identify intrinsic motivations. Self-concordant goals stem from your authentic desires and values, not external pressures or expectations. Research shows that pursuing these goals leads to greater well-being and success. To set self-concordant goals:

1. Ask yourself:
   • What gives me meaning?
   • What gives me pleasure?
   • What are my strengths?
2. Find the overlap between these answers
3. Set specific, challenging goals in these areas

Shift from "have-to" to "want-to." Examine your current pursuits and commitments. Are they primarily driven by external factors (obligation, status, others' expectations) or internal motivations (personal interest, values, enjoyment)? Gradually reduce "have-to" activities and increase "want-to" pursuits to align your life more closely with your authentic self.

4. Craft your work and relationships to maximize happiness

Even in the most restricted and routine jobs, employees can exert some influence on what is the essence of their work.

Reshape your perspective. You don't always need to change jobs or partners to increase happiness. Often, you can craft your existing roles to derive more meaning and pleasure:

At work:

• Identify aspects that align with your values and strengths
• Seek opportunities to use your skills in new ways
• Build meaningful relationships with colleagues and customers
• Frame your work in terms of its broader impact

In relationships:

• Focus on knowing and being known deeply by your partner
• Engage in shared activities that are meaningful to both of you
• Express gratitude and appreciation regularly
• Prioritize the relationship's growth, not just maintenance

By actively shaping your experiences, you can transform seemingly mundane situations into sources of fulfillment and joy.

5. Introduce "happiness boosters" into your daily routine

Happiness boosters can inspire and invigorate us, acting as both a motivational pull and a motivational push.

Create pockets of joy. Even when major life changes aren't possible, you can significantly increase your overall happiness by incorporating brief, meaningful activities into your routine. These "happiness boosters" provide both present pleasure and future benefit.

Examples of happiness boosters:

• 30 minutes of reading for pleasure
• A weekly date night with your partner
• Volunteering at a local charity
• Pursuing a hobby or creative project
• Mindfulness meditation or exercise

Ritualize positive experiences. Schedule these activities regularly and treat them as non-negotiable appointments with yourself. By consistently engaging in pursuits that align with your values and bring you joy, you create a more sustainable and fulfilling lifestyle.

6. Education should foster love of learning, not just achievement

To be happy, we need to identify and pursue goals that are both pleasurable and meaningful.

Reframe the purpose of education. Many educational systems prioritize grades and test scores over genuine engagement with learning. This approach often leads to stress, burnout, and a loss of intrinsic motivation. Instead, education should:

• Cultivate curiosity and a love of learning
• Help students identify and pursue their passions
• Teach skills for lifelong growth and adaptation
• Prioritize understanding over memorization

Create flow in learning. Apply Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's concept of "flow" to education. Flow occurs when challenge and skill levels are optimally balanced, leading to deep engagement and enjoyment. To foster flow in learning:

• Provide appropriately challenging tasks
• Allow students to choose topics of personal interest
• Offer immediate feedback and opportunities for improvement
• Create a supportive, low-stress environment

By shifting the focus from external rewards to intrinsic motivation, education can become a rich source of meaning, pleasure, and personal growth.

7. Simplify your life and prioritize time affluence

Time affluence is the feeling that one has sufficient time to pursue activities that are personally meaningful, to reflect, to engage in leisure.

Recognize the cost of busyness. Constant time pressure and overcommitment lead to stress, reduced creativity, and diminished enjoyment of potentially pleasurable activities. Even parents report not enjoying time with their children when overwhelmed by competing demands.

Strategies for simplification:

• Learn to say "no" to non-essential commitments
• Reduce time spent on low-value activities (e.g., excessive TV or internet use)
• Create dedicated time for meaningful pursuits without distractions
• Prioritize quality over quantity in experiences and possessions

Value time over money. Research shows that time affluence is a better predictor of well-being than material affluence. When making decisions, consider the impact on your time and energy, not just your finances. Sometimes, doing less can lead to greater success and happiness.

8. Happiness is not fixed; you can increase your base level

We all can become significantly happier. And most people fall far short of their happiness potential.

Challenge the "set point" theory. While genetics and early experiences influence our happiness, they don't determine it. Research shows that intentional activities and practices can sustainably increase our baseline level of well-being.

Factors influencing happiness:

1. Genetic predisposition (accounts for ~50%)
2. Life circumstances (accounts for ~10%)
3. Intentional activities and practices (accounts for ~40%)

Focus on what you can control. While you can't change your genes or always alter your circumstances, you have significant power over your daily choices and habits. By consistently engaging in activities that provide meaning and pleasure, you can gradually shift your happiness baseline upward.

Strategies for increasing baseline happiness:

• Cultivate gratitude through regular reflection
• Build and maintain strong relationships
• Engage in activities that utilize your strengths
• Set and pursue meaningful goals
• Practice mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques

9. Practice self-acceptance and overcome barriers to happiness

To lead a happy life, we must experience a sense of inherent worthiness.

Recognize internal obstacles. Many people subconsciously believe they don't deserve happiness or fear success. This can lead to self-sabotage and a failure to pursue or appreciate positive experiences.

Common barriers to happiness:

• Fear of loss or disappointment
• Guilt about being happy when others suffer
• Belief that struggle and sacrifice are virtuous
• Low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness

Cultivate self-acceptance. Acknowledge your inherent worth as a human being, independent of achievements or external validation. Practice self-compassion and challenge negative self-talk. Remember that your happiness doesn't diminish others; in fact, it often allows you to contribute more positively to the world.

Exercises for increasing self-acceptance:

• Write a self-compassionate letter to yourself
• Practice mindfulness to observe thoughts without judgment
• Celebrate small wins and personal growth
• Surround yourself with supportive, affirming people

10. Cultivate relationships through knowing and being known

To cultivate genuine intimacy the focus in a relationship must shift from the desire to be validated—seeking approval and praise—to the desire to be known.

Prioritize deep connection. Strong, fulfilling relationships are consistently linked to higher levels of happiness. However, many people focus on surface-level interactions or seek constant validation rather than genuine intimacy.

Keys to meaningful relationships:

• Vulnerability: Share your authentic self, including fears and dreams
• Active listening: Truly seek to understand your partner's perspective
• Shared experiences: Engage in activities that create lasting memories
• Continued discovery: Maintain curiosity about your partner's inner world
• Unconditional positive regard: Love and accept each other's core selves

Invest in your "love map." Continuously update your understanding of your partner's world – their values, concerns, hopes, and interests. This ongoing process of knowing and being known creates a deep, sustainable bond that withstands challenges and grows richer over time.

11. Shift from material perception to happiness perception

Happiness perception is about recognizing that happiness is the ultimate currency, the end toward which all other goals lead.

Recognize the limits of materialism. Our culture often equates success and well-being with material wealth and quantifiable achievements. This "material perception" leads to a never-ending pursuit of external validation and possessions, often at the expense of genuine happiness.

Adopt a "happiness perception." Reframe your goals and decision-making process around maximizing well-being rather than material gain. This shift can have profound personal and societal implications:

Personal benefits:

• Greater life satisfaction and sense of purpose
• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Improved relationships and social connections
• Increased resilience in the face of challenges

Societal benefits:

• Reduced conflict and envy
• Greater focus on sustainable development
• Increased empathy and prosocial behavior
• Potential for a "happiness revolution" leading to widespread well-being

By consciously adopting a happiness perception, you not only improve your own life but contribute to a more fulfilled and harmonious society.

Last updated: August 8, 2024