Funeral in the Rain

The story opens with the unnamed protagonist, a reserved high school boy, alone in his room on the day of his classmate Sakura Yamauchi's funeral. He reflects on his isolation and the fact that he didn't attend her wake or funeral, despite having been close to her in her final months. He's not grieving in the way others expect; instead, he's reading a book he borrowed from Sakura, the only book she ever cared about. The boy's detachment is a defense mechanism, but the memory of his last message to her—"I want to eat your pancreas"—haunts him. He wonders if she ever read it, and what she thought.

The Secret in the Library

Months earlier, the boy accidentally discovers Sakura's handwritten journal, "Living with Dying," in a hospital waiting room. He learns she has a terminal pancreatic illness, a secret she's kept from everyone but her family. Rather than being devastated, Sakura is cheerful and direct, and she enlists the boy as her confidant. Their relationship is born from this secret, and she insists on spending time with him, drawn to his honesty and lack of pretense. Their dynamic is established: she is vibrant and outgoing, he is introverted and passive, but their differences create a unique bond.

Living with Dying

Sakura's journal is not just a record of her illness, but a manifesto for living fully in the face of death. She writes only on days that feel special, refusing to let her disease define her. The boy, now her only confidant, is drawn into her world. She insists on normalcy, even as she plans for her own death. Their conversations are laced with dark humor and philosophical musings about mortality, meaning, and the value of each day. The boy is forced to confront his own emotional numbness and the reality that everyone, not just Sakura, is living on borrowed time.

Yakiniku and Offal

Sakura drags the boy out for yakiniku (grilled meat), ordering offal and joking about eating his pancreas to cure herself. Their banter is playful but edged with the knowledge of her impending death. She challenges his passivity, while he questions her choices—why spend her limited time with him, organizing books or eating meat? Sakura's answer is simple: every day is equally valuable, and she finds joy in the ordinary. Their day together is filled with laughter, awkwardness, and a growing sense of intimacy, as the boy begins to see the world through her eyes.

Lists and Lies

Sakura keeps a list of things she wants to do before she dies, but she also lies to her friends and family to protect them from her reality. The boy, too, lies—to his parents about having friends, to himself about his feelings. Their relationship is defined by what is said and unsaid, by the boundaries they set and break. Sakura's best friend Kyōko is kept in the dark, and the boy is forced to navigate the suspicions and rumors of their classmates. The tension between truth and deception becomes a central theme, as both characters struggle to define what their connection means.

Summer's Fleeting Joy

After exams, Sakura proposes a spontaneous overnight trip to Fukuoka, using her illness as leverage to get permission from her parents (who think she's traveling with Kyōko). The boy is swept along, initially resistant but ultimately complicit. Their journey is filled with food, sightseeing, and moments of vulnerability—sharing a hotel room, playing drinking games, and discussing their fears. The trip is a microcosm of their relationship: impulsive, intimate, and tinged with the awareness that time is running out. The boy begins to realize how much Sakura means to him, even as he remains unable to articulate it.

The Trip and the Truth

During the trip, Sakura and the boy's relationship teeters between friendship and something more. They play "truth or dare," revealing insecurities and desires, but always stopping short of confession. Sakura asks what living means to him; he struggles to answer. She hints at her own fear of death, but masks it with jokes and dares. Their physical closeness—sharing a bed, hugging—raises questions about the nature of their bond. The boy is forced to confront his own emotional limitations, and Sakura's need for connection becomes more urgent.

Pranks, Pain, and Forgiveness

Back home, Sakura invites the boy to her house under the pretense of lending him a book. She plays a prank, pretending to seduce him, but he reacts with anger and physically restrains her. The moment is charged with confusion, pain, and regret. Both are shaken by the encounter, and the boy is confronted by Sakura's tears—her vulnerability finally breaking through her cheerful facade. Their relationship is tested, but ultimately, they reconcile, apologizing and acknowledging the hurt they caused each other. The episode marks a turning point, as both characters begin to understand the depth of their connection.

Hospital Walls, Magic Tricks

Sakura is hospitalized after a health scare, and the boy becomes her lifeline to the outside world. He visits her, brings her fruit, and helps her keep up with schoolwork. They share small joys—magic tricks, snacks, laughter—but the hospital setting is a constant reminder of Sakura's fragility. The boy meets Kyōko, who is fiercely protective of Sakura and suspicious of him. The tension between the two girls' worlds—Sakura's secret life with the boy, and her public life with her friends—becomes more pronounced. The boy is forced to navigate the complexities of grief, guilt, and the limits of what he can do for Sakura.

The Message Unsent

As summer ends, Sakura is released from the hospital, and she and the boy make plans to visit the ocean and share one last day together. The boy, now more open and emotionally engaged, sends her a text: "I want to eat your pancreas." He waits for her reply, but she never arrives. Hours pass, and his anxiety grows. That evening, he learns from the news that Sakura has been murdered by a random killer—her life cut short not by illness, but by senseless violence. The boy is left with unanswered questions, overwhelming grief, and the knowledge that he will never see her again.

Death Comes Unexpectedly

Sakura's death is a shock to everyone—her family, friends, and especially the boy, who had come to rely on her presence. He isolates himself, unable to attend her funeral or face her family. He is haunted by the abruptness of her death, the randomness of fate, and the messages left unsent. The world moves on, but he is stuck, unable to find closure. The story's central metaphor—eating the pancreas as a way of sharing life—takes on new meaning, as the boy grapples with the reality that life offers no guarantees, and that stories can end without warning.

Letters Left Behind

Ten days after Sakura's death, the boy visits her family to return her book and pay his respects. Her mother, recognizing him as the mysterious friend Sakura wrote about, gives him "Living with Dying." The journal contains not only Sakura's reflections on life and death, but also farewell letters to her family, friends, and the boy himself. In her letter to him, Sakura confesses that she never wanted to define their relationship as love or friendship, but that he was the person who made her feel unique and needed. She thanks him for giving her normalcy and happiness in her final months.

Grief and the Living

Reading Sakura's letter, the boy finally allows himself to grieve, breaking down in front of her mother. He realizes that Sakura needed him as much as he needed her, and that their connection was real and transformative. Her mother thanks him for giving Sakura joy, and he, in turn, is grateful for the time they shared. The boy begins to understand that healing comes not from forgetting, but from remembering and honoring the person lost. He resolves to reach out to Kyōko, to fulfill Sakura's wish that they become friends.

The Book's Final Pages

The boy meets Kyōko at a café, giving her Sakura's journal to read. Kyōko is devastated to learn the truth about Sakura's illness and angry at the boy for keeping it secret. He apologizes and asks for her forgiveness, expressing his desire to be friends—not because Sakura wanted it, but because he does. Kyōko is unable to forgive him immediately, but the act of sharing Sakura's words plants the seeds for future reconciliation. The boy realizes that connection and understanding are ongoing processes, and that moving forward requires courage and vulnerability.

Friendship's New Beginning

A year later, the boy and Kyōko visit Sakura's grave together, having slowly built a friendship in her absence. They share memories, jokes, and the pain of loss, honoring Sakura's wish that they get along. The boy reflects on how much he has changed—no longer isolated, but open to connection and growth. He recognizes that his relationship with Sakura was unique, not easily defined, but that it gave him the strength to live more fully. The story ends with a sense of hope: the promise of happiness, the continuation of life, and the enduring impact of love and friendship.

The Promise of Happiness

In the final scene, the boy and Kyōko descend from Sakura's grave, laughing and teasing each other. The boy prays for happiness—not just for himself, but for everyone touched by Sakura's life. He acknowledges the difficulty of human connection, but also its necessity and beauty. The story closes with the boy's resolve to keep living, to keep choosing connection, and to honor Sakura's memory by embracing the fullness of life, even in the face of loss.

Characters

The Nameless Protagonist (Shiga Haruki)

The protagonist is a withdrawn, bookish high school boy who prefers solitude and avoids emotional entanglements. His life is marked by passivity and a sense of detachment, both from others and from his own feelings. Meeting Sakura forces him out of his shell, as her openness and vitality challenge his worldview. Through their relationship, he learns to confront his own fears, desires, and capacity for love. His journey is one of gradual awakening—from numbness to vulnerability, from isolation to connection. By the end, he is changed: able to grieve, to reach out, and to choose life.

Sakura Yamauchi

Sakura is the heart of the story—a high school girl with a terminal pancreatic illness, who chooses to keep her condition secret from everyone but her family (and eventually, the protagonist). She is cheerful, mischievous, and unafraid to confront death with humor and honesty. Sakura's philosophy is to live each day fully, refusing to let her illness define her. She is both deeply vulnerable and fiercely independent, seeking normalcy and connection in her final months. Her relationship with the protagonist is transformative for both, as she teaches him (and the reader) what it means to truly live.

Kyōko

Kyōko is Sakura's best friend—outspoken, passionate, and deeply loyal. She is kept in the dark about Sakura's illness, which becomes a source of pain and anger after Sakura's death. Kyōko's grief is raw and unfiltered, and she initially resents the protagonist for his role in Sakura's secret life. Over time, however, she comes to understand the depth of their connection and fulfills Sakura's wish by becoming friends with the protagonist. Kyōko represents the enduring power of friendship and the challenges of forgiveness.

Sakura's Mother

Sakura's mother is a background presence for much of the story, but becomes central after Sakura's death. She is devastated by the loss of her daughter, but finds comfort in meeting the boy who brought Sakura happiness. Her willingness to share Sakura's journal and her gratitude toward the protagonist help facilitate healing for both families. She embodies the pain of parental loss, but also the possibility of finding meaning and connection in the aftermath.

Takahiro (Class Representative)

Takahiro is Sakura's ex-boyfriend and the class representative. He is outwardly friendly and popular, but harbors jealousy and resentment toward the protagonist for his closeness with Sakura. His inability to accept Sakura's choices leads to a confrontation and violence, highlighting the destructive potential of unacknowledged emotions. Takahiro's arc is a cautionary tale about the dangers of possessiveness and the importance of letting go.

The Gum Boy

A minor but memorable character, the Gum Boy is a classmate who repeatedly offers the protagonist gum and asks blunt questions. His innocence and lack of guile provide moments of levity, but also serve as a reminder of the ordinary world outside the protagonist's and Sakura's intense relationship. He represents the possibility of everyday connection and the value of small gestures.

Sakura's Family

Sakura's family—her parents and older brother—are loving and supportive, but largely unaware of the full extent of her struggles. Their grief after her death is profound, but they find solace in the knowledge that Sakura was happy in her final months. Their willingness to welcome the protagonist and Kyōko into their home is a testament to the power of shared loss and the importance of community.

The Random Killer

The murderer who takes Sakura's life is a nameless, motiveless figure—a reminder that death is often random and meaningless. His presence in the story is brief but devastating, underscoring the fragility of life and the unpredictability of fate. He is not a character in the traditional sense, but a narrative device that forces the protagonist (and the reader) to confront the reality that not all stories have closure.

The Librarian

The school librarian is a minor character who provides a space for Sakura and the protagonist to interact. She represents the ordinary rhythms of life—work, study, tea, and sweets—and serves as a gentle reminder that even in the face of death, life goes on. Her presence is comforting, and she helps anchor the story in the everyday.

The Nameless Classmates

The other students in the class serve as a backdrop to the main drama, embodying the pressures, rumors, and misunderstandings of adolescent life. Their reactions to Sakura and the protagonist's relationship reflect the challenges of being different, the dangers of gossip, and the difficulty of true understanding. They are both obstacles and opportunities for growth.

Plot Devices

The Secret Illness

Sakura's terminal illness is the central secret that binds her to the protagonist. It creates a private world for the two of them, separate from the rest of their classmates and even her best friend. The secrecy heightens the intensity of their relationship, forcing both characters to confront questions of mortality, meaning, and the value of time. The illness is both a plot device and a metaphor for the hidden struggles everyone carries.

The Journal ("Living with Dying")

Sakura's journal serves multiple functions: it is a record of her thoughts, a means of communication after her death, and a catalyst for the protagonist's transformation. The journal's rules—only writing on special days, keeping it private until after her death—mirror Sakura's philosophy of living fully and authentically. The final letters in the journal provide closure, answering questions left unresolved by her sudden death.

The "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" Motif

The phrase "I want to eat your pancreas" is both literal (referencing ancient beliefs about healing) and metaphorical (expressing a longing for connection and the sharing of life). It recurs throughout the story as a private joke, a confession, and ultimately, a statement of love and transformation. The motif encapsulates the story's central themes: the hunger for meaning, the desire to be understood, and the willingness to embrace life in all its messiness.

Opposites Attract

The protagonist and Sakura are polar opposites—introvert and extrovert, passive and active, detached and engaged. Their differences create friction, humor, and ultimately, mutual transformation. The story uses their dynamic to explore the ways in which people can change each other, and how true connection often arises from embracing, rather than erasing, difference.

Foreshadowing and Irony

The narrative is laced with foreshadowing—Sakura's jokes about dying, the list of things to do before she dies, the ever-present threat of her illness. Yet her actual death comes not from her disease, but from random violence, subverting both the characters' and the reader's expectations. This irony reinforces the story's message about the unpredictability of life and the importance of living without guarantees.

Letters and Unsent Messages

The motif of letters—both written and unwritten, sent and unsent—underscores the difficulty of expressing feelings, the pain of missed opportunities, and the possibility of connection even after loss. Sakura's final letters provide the closure the protagonist (and the reader) needs, while the unsent message ("I want to eat your pancreas") becomes a symbol of love that transcends death.

Analysis

"I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" is a poignant exploration of life, death, and the transformative power of human connection. Through the unlikely friendship (and possible love) between a dying girl and a withdrawn boy, the novel confronts the reality that everyone is living on borrowed time, and that meaning is found not in grand gestures, but in the ordinary moments shared with others. The story challenges the reader to embrace vulnerability, to reach out even when it is difficult, and to recognize that true intimacy often defies easy categorization. The abruptness of Sakura's death is a stark reminder that life offers no guarantees, and that the only way to honor those we lose is to keep living, keep connecting, and keep choosing happiness. The novel's central metaphor—eating the pancreas as a way of sharing life—invites us to consider what it means to truly know and be known, to carry a part of another within ourselves, and to let that knowledge change us for the better. In a world where stories often promise closure, "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" insists that the most important lessons are those we carry forward, unfinished, into the rest of our lives.

Last updated: May 6, 2025