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It's the Way You Say It

It's the Way You Say It

Becoming Articulate, Well-Spoken, and Clear
by Carol A. Fleming 2013 264 pages
3.64
500+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Assess and Improve Your Voice: The Foundation of Effective Communication

People are not good judges of their own speaking characteristics.

Self-awareness is crucial. Many individuals are unaware of how they sound to others, often misjudging their vocal qualities. This lack of self-awareness can lead to miscommunication and negative impressions. To improve, one must first recognize their vocal patterns and habits.

Objective feedback is essential. Seek input from trusted friends, colleagues, or professionals. Record yourself speaking in various situations and listen critically. Pay attention to pitch, volume, clarity, and overall tone. Compare your self-perception with external feedback to identify areas for improvement.

Continuous improvement is key. Once aware of your vocal characteristics, commit to regular practice and refinement. Focus on specific aspects such as enunciation, pacing, or vocal variety. Remember that changing ingrained habits takes time and consistent effort.

2. Resolve Specific Speech Problems: From Fast Talkers to Fading Voices

There are people who simply cannot stand the sound of their own voice and are ashamed of the way they talk.

Common speech issues are solvable. Many people struggle with specific vocal problems, such as speaking too fast, too softly, or with a raspy voice. These issues can often be addressed through targeted exercises and practice.

Tailored solutions for each problem:

  • Fast talkers: Focus on pacing and deliberate pauses
  • Soft speakers: Practice breath support and vocal projection
  • Raspy voices: Work on proper vocal cord usage and hydration
  • High-pitched voices: Explore techniques to find a comfortable, lower pitch
  • Monotone speakers: Develop vocal variety through intonation exercises

Professional help may be necessary. For persistent or complex issues, consider working with a speech pathologist or vocal coach. They can provide personalized guidance and exercises to address your specific needs.

3. Develop a Dynamic Voice: Mastering Vocal Variety and Resonance

A good speaking voice offers variation in the stream of sound. This is the feature that communicates your personality.

Vocal variety is crucial for engagement. A dynamic voice captures attention and conveys emotion effectively. Practice varying your pitch, volume, and pace to add interest and emphasis to your speech.

Techniques for enhancing vocal dynamics:

  • Use pitch variation to highlight key points
  • Adjust volume for emphasis and intimacy
  • Incorporate strategic pauses for impact
  • Experiment with speaking rate to convey urgency or thoughtfulness

Develop resonance for a richer sound. A resonant voice projects authority and warmth. Practice exercises that focus on breath support and proper vocal placement to achieve a fuller, more resonant tone.

4. Become Well-Spoken: Articulate, Fluent, and Courteous Communication

To be well-spoken is to be articulate, fluent, and courteous.

Articulation is key to clarity. Practice precise pronunciation and enunciation to ensure your message is understood. Pay special attention to commonly mispronounced words and work on clear consonant sounds.

Fluency comes from preparation and practice. Expand your vocabulary and practice expressing ideas concisely. Develop the ability to think on your feet through impromptu speaking exercises.

Courtesy enhances communication. Remember that effective communication is not just about what you say, but how you say it. Cultivate active listening skills, show respect for others' opinions, and use appropriate language for your audience.

5. Unify Verbal and Nonverbal Messages: The Power of Congruence

All of these sources of information—the verbal, vocal, and physical—come together to form a reality that is more than the sum of its parts and actually constitute the personality of the individual.

Align your words, voice, and body language. Incongruence between these elements can create distrust or confusion. Ensure that your nonverbal cues support and reinforce your verbal message.

Key nonverbal elements to consider:

  • Facial expressions
  • Eye contact
  • Posture and body positioning
  • Gestures
  • Proximity and personal space

Practice holistic communication. Regularly video record yourself speaking to analyze the harmony between your verbal and nonverbal communication. Seek feedback from others on how your overall presence comes across.

6. Master Business Communication: From Self-Introduction to Presentations

Professional communication is important to people in every line of work.

First impressions matter. Craft a compelling self-introduction that highlights your unique value. Practice delivering it confidently and naturally in various professional settings.

Prepare thoroughly for interviews and meetings. Research the company and individuals involved. Anticipate potential questions and prepare concise, relevant responses. Practice active listening and asking thoughtful questions.

Deliver impactful presentations. Structure your content clearly with a strong opening, logical flow, and memorable conclusion. Use visual aids judiciously to support, not overshadow, your message. Practice delivery to ensure smooth execution.

7. Conquer Public Speaking: Transforming Terrified into Terrific

Success is usually much more gradual. It turned out that Mary was naturally gifted but didn't know it. And she had never had any speech training whatsoever.

Reframe your mindset. View public speaking as an opportunity to serve your audience rather than a personal performance. This shift can help alleviate anxiety and improve your focus.

Preparation is key to confidence. Thoroughly research your topic, organize your content logically, and practice your delivery. Familiarize yourself with the venue and any technology you'll be using.

Techniques for managing nervousness:

  • Deep breathing exercises
  • Positive visualization
  • Progressive muscle relaxation
  • Arriving early to acclimate to the space
  • Starting with a strong, memorized opening

Embrace opportunities to practice. Seek out speaking opportunities in low-stakes environments, such as Toastmasters clubs or community groups. Regular practice will build your skills and confidence over time.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.64 out of 5
Average of 500+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

"It's the Way You Say It" receives mixed reviews. Many readers find it informative and helpful for improving communication skills, particularly in areas like vocal technique, small talk, and public speaking. Some praise its practical advice and real-life examples. However, others criticize the book for being disorganized, outdated, or too focused on speech therapy. Some readers find the author's tone condescending. Overall, the book is seen as valuable for those willing to put in the effort to improve their speaking skills, despite its flaws.

Your rating:

About the Author

Dr. Carol A. Fleming is a Personal Communication Coach and founder of The Sound of Your Voice. She specializes in vocal development and communication training, helping individuals refine their voice, words, and demeanor. Dr. Fleming has authored multiple books on communication, including "It's the Way You Say It" and "The Serious Business of Small Talk." With a private practice since 1980, she focuses on improving speaking skills for business success. Her work emphasizes the importance of both verbal and non-verbal communication. Dr. Fleming's expertise lies in helping people become more articulate, well-spoken, and confident communicators.

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