Searching...
English
EnglishEnglish
EspañolSpanish
简体中文Chinese
FrançaisFrench
DeutschGerman
日本語Japanese
PortuguêsPortuguese
ItalianoItalian
한국어Korean
РусскийRussian
NederlandsDutch
العربيةArabic
PolskiPolish
हिन्दीHindi
Tiếng ViệtVietnamese
SvenskaSwedish
ΕλληνικάGreek
TürkçeTurkish
ไทยThai
ČeštinaCzech
RomânăRomanian
MagyarHungarian
УкраїнськаUkrainian
Bahasa IndonesiaIndonesian
DanskDanish
SuomiFinnish
БългарскиBulgarian
עבריתHebrew
NorskNorwegian
HrvatskiCroatian
CatalàCatalan
SlovenčinaSlovak
LietuviųLithuanian
SlovenščinaSlovenian
СрпскиSerbian
EestiEstonian
LatviešuLatvian
فارسیPersian
മലയാളംMalayalam
தமிழ்Tamil
اردوUrdu
Keep Pain in the Past

Keep Pain in the Past

Getting Over Trauma, Grief and the Worst That's Ever Happened to You
by Christopher Cortman 2018 274 pages
3.75
100+ ratings
Listen
Listen to Summary
Try Full Access for 7 Days
Unlock listening & more!
Continue

Key Takeaways

1. Trauma persists due to avoidance, not time

Time may not heal all wounds, but a powerful process can.

Avoidance perpetuates trauma. Many people believe that time heals all wounds, but this is a myth. Trauma persists because people avoid facing their pain, not because time hasn't passed. Avoidance takes many forms:

  • Substance abuse
  • Overworking
  • Emotional numbness
  • Denial
  • Minimization

Healing requires active engagement. To overcome trauma, individuals must confront their painful memories and emotions. This process is challenging but necessary for true healing. The author introduces the concept of "Mr. Avoidance," a personification of the tendency to avoid dealing with trauma, which keeps people stuck in their pain.

2. The Fritz method: Remember, Feel, Express, Release, Reframe

To heal, you have to go beyond a cognitive admission that the trauma occurred.

The Fritz method is a five-step process for healing trauma:

  1. Remember: Recall the traumatic event in detail
  2. Feel: Experience the associated emotions fully
  3. Express: Share the story and emotions with someone else
  4. Release: Let go of the pain and forgive
  5. Reframe: Develop a new perspective on the experience

This method is based on various psychological theories and approaches, including stress response, neuroscience, cognitive behavioral therapy, Gestalt therapy, and religious concepts of forgiveness. The Fritz method aims to provide a comprehensive approach to trauma healing that addresses both cognitive and emotional aspects.

3. Remembering trauma in detail is crucial for healing

Unless all the details are shared, they can remain unacknowledged and unconscious and will therefore retain their emotional power.

Detailed recall enables processing. Remembering the traumatic event in vivid detail is essential for healing. This step involves:

  • Recounting the entire story
  • Exploring sensory memories
  • Identifying thoughts and feelings during the event

Avoidance hinders healing. Many trauma survivors try to forget or suppress their memories, but this only prolongs their suffering. The author emphasizes that what is not remembered cannot be healed. By facing the memories head-on, survivors can begin to process and integrate their experiences.

4. Feeling and expressing emotions fully enables healing

No feel, no heal.

Emotional engagement is vital. Trauma survivors often numb their emotions as a coping mechanism. However, to heal, they must:

  • Allow themselves to feel the full range of emotions associated with the trauma
  • Express these emotions in a safe environment
  • Recognize that emotions, even painful ones, serve a purpose

Catharsis through expression. Sharing the emotional experience with a trusted person, such as a therapist or support group, can be incredibly healing. This expression helps to validate the survivor's experience and release pent-up emotions.

5. Releasing trauma requires letting go and forgiveness

Forgiveness, which is best defined as letting go, never condones the bad behavior of the offending party.

Letting go is not condoning. Forgiveness in the context of trauma healing means:

  • Releasing the emotional hold the trauma has on the survivor
  • Accepting that the past cannot be changed
  • Choosing to move forward without being controlled by the trauma

Forgiveness benefits the survivor. The act of forgiveness is primarily for the benefit of the trauma survivor, not the perpetrator. It allows the survivor to:

  • Reclaim their emotional energy
  • Reduce stress and anxiety
  • Improve overall well-being

6. Reframing shifts perspective and reclaims life

Putting a new frame on a painful experience, trauma, or loss is necessary to release the power of the hold that this experience has over you.

Reframing changes interpretation. This step involves:

  • Examining beliefs about the trauma
  • Challenging unhelpful thought patterns
  • Developing a new, more empowering perspective

Reclaiming agency and meaning. By reframing their experiences, trauma survivors can:

  • Regain a sense of control over their lives
  • Find meaning or purpose in their suffering
  • Develop resilience and personal growth

7. Complex trauma requires additional support and tools

Trauma is healed by the expression and release of feelings.

Complex trauma needs specialized care. For individuals who have experienced multiple or prolonged traumas, additional support may be necessary:

  • Professional therapy with a trauma specialist
  • Longer treatment duration
  • Addressing trust and safety issues
  • Developing coping skills before processing trauma

Multiple personalities as coping mechanisms. In cases of severe, repeated trauma, some individuals develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). This condition requires:

  • Understanding the function of alter personalities
  • Integrating memories and emotions from different alters
  • Gradual fusion of personalities through the healing process

8. Moral injury demands self-forgiveness and making amends

Moral injury complicates the healing process and makes it more difficult to traverse alone.

Self-forgiveness is crucial. When individuals feel responsible for causing harm or failing to prevent it, they must:

  • Acknowledge their role in the event
  • Take responsibility for their actions
  • Practice self-compassion and forgiveness

Making amends promotes healing. Steps for addressing moral injury include:

  1. Confessing and taking ownership of actions
  2. Expressing remorse
  3. Changing behavior (repentance)
  4. Making amends when possible

9. Guided imagery and letter writing facilitate healing

Guided imagery can be used for many purposes, including: Saying goodbye to people who have died and making peace with their passing.

Guided imagery accesses the subconscious. This technique involves:

  • Relaxation and visualization
  • Creating a safe mental space to process trauma
  • Imagining interactions with deceased loved ones or perpetrators

Letter writing provides closure. Writing letters to those involved in the trauma can help survivors:

  • Express unspoken thoughts and feelings
  • Say goodbye to lost loved ones
  • Release anger or resentment towards perpetrators

10. Unresolved trauma affects all aspects of life

Unresolved trauma is bad.

Trauma impacts various life domains. Unresolved trauma can lead to:

  • Mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD)
  • Substance abuse problems
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Career challenges
  • Physical health problems

Healing trauma improves overall well-being. By addressing and resolving trauma, individuals can:

  • Improve their mental and physical health
  • Enhance their relationships
  • Increase their capacity for joy and success in life
  • Develop greater resilience and emotional stability

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.75 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

The reviews for Keep Pain in the Past are generally positive, with an average rating of 3.73 out of 5. Readers find the book helpful for dealing with trauma and past pain, appreciating the Fritz method and patient stories. Some praise its simplicity and insights, while others note it can be repetitive. The audiobook narration receives positive feedback. Critics mention religious content and a desire for more depth on specific issues. Overall, most readers find value in the book's approach to managing past trauma and emotional challenges.

Your rating:
4.36
9 ratings

About the Author

Christopher Cortman is a psychologist and author specializing in trauma and emotional healing. He co-wrote "Keep Pain in the Past" with Joseph Walden, emphasizing the importance of psychotherapy in conjunction with medication for effective treatment. Christopher Cortman advocates for a comprehensive approach to addressing past traumas and helping individuals move forward. His work focuses on practical methods for overcoming grief and traumatic experiences, including the Fritz method. Cortman's writing style is described as accessible and insightful, making complex psychological concepts understandable for a general audience. His expertise in the field is evident through the patient stories and case studies shared in the book.

Download PDF

To save this Keep Pain in the Past summary for later, download the free PDF. You can print it out, or read offline at your convenience.
Download PDF
File size: 0.21 MB     Pages: 12

Download EPUB

To read this Keep Pain in the Past summary on your e-reader device or app, download the free EPUB. The .epub digital book format is ideal for reading ebooks on phones, tablets, and e-readers.
Download EPUB
File size: 3.12 MB     Pages: 7
0:00
-0:00
1x
Dan
Andrew
Michelle
Lauren
Select Speed
1×
+
200 words per minute
Home
Library
Get App
Create a free account to unlock:
Requests: Request new book summaries
Bookmarks: Save your favorite books
History: Revisit books later
Recommendations: Personalized for you
Ratings: Rate books & see your ratings
100,000+ readers
Try Full Access for 7 Days
Listen, bookmark, and more
Compare Features Free Pro
📖 Read Summaries
All summaries are free to read in 40 languages
🎧 Listen to Summaries
Listen to unlimited summaries in 40 languages
❤️ Unlimited Bookmarks
Free users are limited to 10
📜 Unlimited History
Free users are limited to 10
Risk-Free Timeline
Today: Get Instant Access
Listen to full summaries of 73,530 books. That's 12,000+ hours of audio!
Day 4: Trial Reminder
We'll send you a notification that your trial is ending soon.
Day 7: Your subscription begins
You'll be charged on May 9,
cancel anytime before.
Consume 2.8x More Books
2.8x more books Listening Reading
Our users love us
100,000+ readers
"...I can 10x the number of books I can read..."
"...exceptionally accurate, engaging, and beautifully presented..."
"...better than any amazon review when I'm making a book-buying decision..."
Save 62%
Yearly
$119.88 $44.99/year
$3.75/mo
Monthly
$9.99/mo
Try Free & Unlock
7 days free, then $44.99/year. Cancel anytime.
Scanner
Find a barcode to scan

Settings
General
Widget
Loading...
Black Friday Sale 🎉
$20 off Lifetime Access
$79.99 $59.99
Upgrade Now →