Kindness Wins

1. Online kindness starts with recognizing there's a real person behind every screen

"When we text and comment and "like"—and don't "like"—it's easy to forget this, because we can't see reactions to our actions."

Empathy is key. In the digital world, it's crucial to remember that our online interactions affect real people with real emotions. Without visual cues like facial expressions or body language, it's easy to forget the human element behind each post, comment, or message.

Impact matters. Our online actions, even seemingly small ones like liking or not liking a post, can have significant emotional consequences for others. Teaching children to pause and consider how their words or actions might make someone else feel is essential for fostering online kindness.

Golden rule applies online. Encourage kids to treat others online as they would want to be treated in person. This simple principle can guide them towards more thoughtful and compassionate digital interactions.

2. Teach kids to turn posts around and view them from different perspectives

"Every time I've watched this part of this beloved movie—as a teen, as a teacher, and as a mom—I've cringed because it's such a brilliantly cut-to-the-heart-of-things example of seeing something from someone else's point of view."

Perspective-taking is crucial. Teaching children to consider multiple viewpoints before posting or commenting online is a valuable skill. This helps them understand the potential impact of their words and actions on others.

Use real examples. Sit down with your kids and examine actual social media posts, discussing how different people might interpret or feel about them. This practical exercise helps develop empathy and critical thinking skills.

Encourage reflection. Before posting, teach kids to ask themselves:

• How might this make others feel?
• Could this be misinterpreted?
• Would I be comfortable if someone posted this about me?

3. Empower children with words to stand up against online bullying

"Kids need words that sound like them."

Provide practical tools. Give children specific phrases they can use to respond to or defuse negative online situations. These should be age-appropriate and feel natural for them to say.

Practice scenarios. Role-play different online situations with your kids, allowing them to practice using these phrases and building confidence in standing up for themselves and others.

Examples of empowering phrases:

• "That's not cool."
• "I don't agree with that."
• "Let's be kind to each other."
• "How would you feel if someone said that about you?"

4. Photos and comments have lasting impact: think before posting

"We can teach our kids that commenting online is the exact same thing as saying something directly to someone's face."

Digital footprint awareness. Help children understand that everything they post online contributes to their digital footprint, which can have long-lasting consequences for their reputation and relationships.

Pause before posting. Encourage a habit of taking a moment to reflect before sharing anything online. Ask questions like:

• Is this kind?
• Is this necessary?
• Would I be comfortable with this being seen by everyone I know?

Positive online presence. Teach kids to use their digital footprint to showcase their best selves, focusing on sharing content that reflects their values, interests, and achievements positively.

5. Avoid body talk and appearance-based comments online

"We don't talk about other people's bodies."

Body neutrality. Encourage a culture of body neutrality online, where the focus is on a person's actions, achievements, and character rather than their appearance.

Compliment wisely. Teach children to give meaningful compliments that go beyond physical appearance. Examples include:

• Praising someone's kindness or helpfulness
• Acknowledging hard work or perseverance
• Recognizing creativity or problem-solving skills

Lead by example. As parents and adults, we must model this behavior by avoiding body talk and appearance-based comments in our own online interactions.

6. Expect little privacy online: post as if everyone is watching

"You have to be so open with us about what you're posting and what your friends are posting and why. So when we sit together and you clam up about a topic because you're uncomfortable or embarrassed or you want privacy, then I know you're not ready."

Open communication. Foster an environment where children feel comfortable discussing their online activities with you. This openness allows for ongoing guidance and support.

Privacy settings aren't foolproof. Teach kids that even with strict privacy settings, anything posted online can potentially become public through screenshots or sharing.

Guidelines for online sharing:

• Would you be comfortable with your grandparents seeing this?
• Could this post affect future job or school applications?
• Is this information you'd want strangers to know about you?

7. Learn to discuss and disagree respectfully in online spaces

"We need to engage in dialogue and share our experiences, we need to listen when others share theirs, and we need to avoid name-calling, disrespecting, or dismissing others."

Constructive disagreement. Teach children that it's okay to have different opinions, but the way we express those differences matters. Encourage respectful dialogue and active listening.

Focus on ideas, not individuals. When disagreeing online, guide kids to address the specific idea or statement they disagree with, rather than attacking the person who said it.

Keys to respectful online disagreement:

• Use "I" statements to express personal opinions
• Ask questions to understand others' perspectives
• Acknowledge valid points in others' arguments
• Be willing to change your mind if presented with new information

8. The internet isn't permanent, but it is public and far-reaching

"Our posts aren't permanent on our own feeds. But they can be captured and shared with so many more people than we ever intended."

Viral potential. Help children understand that anything they post online has the potential to be seen by a much larger audience than intended, even if it's later deleted from their own account.

Think long-term. Encourage kids to consider how their current posts might be viewed in the future by colleges, employers, or even their future selves.

Questions to ask before posting:

• Would I be comfortable with this being seen five years from now?
• Could this post be taken out of context?
• How might this affect my relationships or opportunities in the future?

9. Respect others' content: don't share what isn't yours without permission

"Just because you see it on the Internet doesn't mean it's yours."

Digital citizenship. Teach children about copyright and the importance of respecting others' intellectual property online.

Ask for permission. Encourage kids to seek permission before sharing someone else's photos, artwork, or other content, even if it's just reposting on social media.

Guidelines for sharing online content:

• Always credit the original creator
• Use sharing functions provided by platforms (e.g., retweet, share button) when available
• If in doubt, ask the creator for permission before sharing

10. You're responsible for everything you post, even anonymously

"Anonymity isn't an excuse to do harm. Not ever."

Accountability matters. Teach children that they are responsible for their words and actions online, regardless of whether their name is attached to them.

Character building. Encourage kids to view their online behavior as a reflection of their character. How they act when they think no one is watching says a lot about who they are.

Principles for responsible online behavior:

• Treat others with kindness and respect, even when anonymous
• Stand up for what's right, even when it's difficult
• Take responsibility for mistakes and apologize when necessary

Last updated: October 6, 2024