Make Her Chase You

1. Attraction is a Two-Phased Process: Advertise and Deliver

Your main objective during the advertising phase is to advertise that you’re different from most guys and that you’re not creepy in any way.

Advertising Phase. The initial 5-10 minutes are crucial for signaling that you're worth getting to know. This phase isn't about revealing your true self, but about differentiating yourself from the crowd. Use openers, routines, and body language to convey that you lead an interesting life and aren't intimidated.

Delivering Phase. Once you've piqued her interest, it's time to demonstrate that you're an amazing guy. This involves being genuine, engaging in meaningful conversations, and sharing stories about your life. Avoid canned lines and focus on building a connection.

Transitioning Between Phases. Many pickup artists get stuck in the advertising phase, enjoying the initial attention but failing to move beyond it. Force yourself to transition to the delivering phase after 5-10 minutes to build a deeper connection.

2. Confidence is King: Cultivate Self-Assuredness

Confidence is probably the sexiest quality a man can have, and is surprisingly easy to cultivate and express.

Fake it 'Til You Make It. Acting confident can lead to genuine confidence. Project self-assurance in your posture, speech, and actions. Embrace your strengths and don't apologize for who you are.

Strong Opinions. Express your beliefs with conviction, even if they're unconventional. Avoid pandering to her tastes or changing your views to gain favor. Be willing to stand your ground in a respectful manner.

Confidence vs. Cockiness. Be confident and even cocky, but never put others down to elevate yourself. Focus on building yourself and others up. Share your accomplishments, but attribute your success to your upbringing, friends, and family.

3. Individuality Attracts: Embrace Your Unique Eccentricities

The more different you are (without being scary), the more attractive you are.

Reject Conformity. Avoid blending in with the crowd. Embrace your unique hobbies, interests, and style. Rarity is prized, and being different makes you memorable and irreplaceable.

Unusual Hobbies. Cultivate hobbies that are different and fascinating. This gives her something to learn about you and a way to enter your world. Even mundane hobbies can become attractive if you become an expert in them.

Peacocking. Use clothing and accessories to express your individuality. Wear items that stand out and make you memorable. Don't be afraid to experiment with different styles and wear items that may be considered unconventional.

4. Drive and Ambition: Showcase Your Passion and Goals

They don’t really care where you are now; they care where you’re going and how motivated you are to get there.

Future Orientation. Women are attracted to men with a clear sense of direction and a strong drive to achieve their goals. Share your passions and aspirations with enthusiasm. It's the drive, not the destination, that captivates.

Relate to Her Goals. Understand her aspirations and offer support and motivation. Show genuine interest in her dreams and help her pursue them.

Personal Example. The author shares his experience of selling everything to live in a small RV, demonstrating his drive to live a simple life. This unconventional choice intrigued women and made him more attractive.

5. The Chase Dynamic: Encourage Her Pursuit

Too often men try to play the role of romantic pursuer, only to get resented and left for a man she can chase after.

Reverse the Roles. Avoid excessive pursuit and encourage the woman to chase you. This creates a sense of challenge and intrigue.

Control Attention. Don't give her too much attention early on. Answer calls selectively, take time to respond, and even cancel dates. This demonstrates that you have a life outside of her and that her attention isn't your sole focus.

High Standards. Let her know that you have high and specific standards. This makes her feel honored to be with you and motivates her to meet your expectations.

6. Set High Standards: Be Selective and Value Your Time

If she gets the impression that you’re willing to date any girl who’s willing to date you, she won’t want the job.

Value Your Time. Make it clear that your time is valuable and that you're not willing to waste it on someone who doesn't meet your standards. This creates a sense of scarcity and makes her value your attention more.

Refuse to Chase. Avoid actions that resemble chasing, such as constantly trying to meet her downtown or rearranging your schedule to accommodate her. Instead, maintain your own plans and let her fit into your life.

Other Women. Subtly mention other women in your life, whether it's seeking advice or sharing funny stories. This creates competition and makes her want to win you over.

7. Master Storytelling: Engage and Captivate with Narratives

Storytelling is both the most important skill in pickup, and strangely one of the most overlooked.

Content is Secondary. The content of your stories is less important than the way you tell them. Focus on pacing, delivery, and what the story reveals about your personality.

Show, Don't Tell. Use stories to convey positive qualities about yourself without directly stating them. For example, tell a story that demonstrates your bravery or generosity.

Build Tension. Create suspense and anticipation in your stories. Dwell on the moments before action takes place and build up to a satisfying punchline.

8. Teasing Done Right: Playful Banter, Not Insults

Teasing girls works because it’s playful and fun, and simultaneously challenging to the girl.

Playful, Not Insulting. Teasing should be lighthearted and fun, not mean-spirited or insulting. The goal is to create a playful challenge, not to put her down.

Offer Redemption. Always provide an opportunity for her to redeem herself after a tease. Avoid backing her into a corner or making her feel bad about herself.

Smile and Laugh. Maintain a fun and playful atmosphere while teasing. Smile, laugh, and make sure she knows you're joking.

9. Dates That Differentiate: Avoid the Mundane

Going on a traditional date is one of the worst mistakes you can make.

Reject Tradition. Avoid traditional dates like dinner and a movie. These dates are often awkward and put unnecessary pressure on both of you.

Unique Experiences. Opt for unconventional activities that are memorable and engaging. The author suggests going to the grocery store, climbing a radio tower, or taking a mini road trip.

Bring Friends. Bringing friends on dates can help to create a more relaxed and social atmosphere. It also shows that you're not putting her on a pedestal.

10. Relationships: Honesty, Respect, and Freedom

Maintaining good relationships is easy if you start off on the right foot.

Honesty is Key. Be honest from the beginning, even if the truth is difficult. Trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

Respect and Avoid Contempt. Treat her with respect and avoid contempt. Contempt is a major predictor of relationship failure.

Freedom and Trust. Give her the freedom to be herself and trust her to make good decisions. Avoid setting rules or trying to control her behavior.

Last updated: February 22, 2025