Managing for People Who Hate Managing

1. Embrace Your Natural Management Style: Thinker or Feeler

The only way to achieve success as a manager—and to garner the rewards and benefits of managing—is to lead from a place that is authentic to your core.

Thinkers vs. Feelers. People generally fall into two categories when it comes to decision-making and communication styles:

• Thinkers:

  • Lead with their heads
  • Focus on logic and objectivity
  • Value fairness and consistency
  • May struggle with emotional situations

• Feelers:

  • Lead with their hearts
  • Focus on values and relationships
  • Value harmony and sensitivity
  • May struggle with tough decisions

Understanding your natural style allows you to leverage your strengths and be authentic in your leadership. Neither style is inherently better; both have advantages in different situations. The key is to recognize your default approach and learn to adapt when necessary.

2. Flex Your Style to Meet Others Where They Are

Flexing your style means being versatile in how you lead, communicate, and motivate.

Adapt your approach. Effective managers learn to flex their style to connect with different personality types:

• For Thinkers:

  • Be direct and logical
  • Provide data and reasoning
  • Focus on results and efficiency

• For Feelers:

  • Show empathy and warmth
  • Emphasize relationships and values
  • Acknowledge emotions

Flexing doesn't mean changing who you are, but rather expanding your toolkit to communicate effectively with diverse team members. Practice active listening and observation to pick up on others' preferences, and adjust your language and approach accordingly.

3. Set Clear Expectations and Hold People Accountable

Management is the high-wire act of balancing useful guidance and getting out of the way.

ERSA framework. Use this approach to set your team up for success:

• Expectations: Clearly communicate goals and standards
• Relinquish: Give people autonomy to do their work
• Support: Provide resources and remove obstacles
• Accountable: Follow up and address performance issues

Setting clear expectations from the start prevents misunderstandings and wasted effort. Regular check-ins and feedback help ensure everyone stays on track. Remember that accountability isn't about micromanaging, but rather empowering people to take ownership of their work while providing a supportive structure.

4. Provide Useful Guidance While Letting Others Shine

The only way to do great work is to love what you do.

Balance support and autonomy. Great managers:

• Share their expertise without being overbearing
• Offer mentorship and development opportunities
• Recognize and celebrate others' achievements
• Step back to let team members take credit and grow

Avoid the temptation to do everything yourself or always be the hero. Your job is to create an environment where others can excel. This might mean restraining your impulse to jump in and fix things, instead coaching team members to find their own solutions.

5. Balance Emotional Support with Practical Problem-Solving

Don't cry in my office… I have a deadline to meet.

Navigate emotions skillfully. When dealing with emotional situations:

1. Acknowledge feelings without getting swept up in them
2. Listen empathetically, but maintain professional boundaries
3. Redirect focus to solutions and actions
4. Refer to HR or other resources for serious personal issues

Use outcome-based questions to guide people toward problem-solving:

• "What do you want?"
• "What progress have you already made?"
• "What are possible ways to resolve this challenge?"

Remember that while emotional intelligence is crucial, your primary role is to help your team achieve work objectives, not to be their therapist.

6. Cultivate Self-Awareness and Continuous Learning

If you want to retain your talented employees, read this book—cover to cover!

Invest in your growth. The best managers:

• Regularly reflect on their strengths and weaknesses
• Seek feedback from others
• Stay curious and open to new ideas
• Pursue ongoing learning and development

Tools for self-improvement:

• Personality assessments (e.g., Myers-Briggs)
• 360-degree feedback
• Leadership training programs
• Reading and staying current in your field

Remember that becoming a great manager is a journey, not a destination. Embrace a growth mindset and model continuous learning for your team.

7. Find Joy and Meaning in Your Work to Inspire Others

Everybody likes a compliment.

Cultivate positive energy. Your attitude as a manager sets the tone for your entire team:

• Focus on what's right, not just what's wrong
• Express genuine appreciation for others' efforts
• Find purpose and meaning in your role
• Approach challenges with optimism and creativity

Share your passion and enthusiasm with your team. When you genuinely enjoy your work and find it meaningful, it becomes contagious. This doesn't mean ignoring problems, but rather approaching them with a constructive, solution-oriented mindset.

8. Leverage Both Introvert and Extrovert Strengths

Introverts energize alone; extroverts energize with others.

Harness diverse energies. Understand and utilize the strengths of both personality types:

Introverts:

• Excel at deep thinking and analysis
• Prefer one-on-one interactions
• Need quiet time to recharge

Extroverts:

• Thrive on social interaction
• Generate energy and ideas in groups
• Comfortable with public speaking and networking

Create a work environment that accommodates both styles. For example, balance group brainstorming sessions with opportunities for individual reflection. Recognize that neither style is inherently better for leadership; both bring valuable perspectives to the table.

9. Give Specific, Timely Feedback to Boost Performance

People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.

Master the art of feedback. Effective feedback is:

1. Timely: Given as close to the event as possible
2. Specific: Focused on observable behaviors
3. Balanced: Acknowledging both strengths and areas for improvement
4. Action-oriented: Providing clear next steps

Use the PROD framework for constructive feedback:

• Problem: State the issue
• Result: Clarify the desired outcome
• Observe: Describe what you've noticed
• Different: Specify what needs to change

Remember that positive reinforcement is just as important as addressing problems. Catch people doing things right and acknowledge their successes.

10. Small Acts of Leadership Have Big Impacts

Everything I know about management was learned "on the job" by playing in rock and roll bands. Compared to arguing with angry, intoxicated drummers, pretty much anything you run into in the workplace is a piece of cake.

Lead by example. Small, consistent actions often have the most significant impact on your team:

• Show up early to help set up for meetings
• Take time to listen to people's ideas and concerns
• Follow through on your commitments
• Admit mistakes and take responsibility
• Express gratitude for others' contributions

These seemingly minor acts demonstrate your character and values as a leader. They build trust, respect, and loyalty among your team members. Remember that as a manager, you're always "on stage" – your actions speak louder than your words.

Last updated: November 19, 2024