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Men and Marriage

Men and Marriage

by George Gilder 1986 240 pages
4.22
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. The Sexual Superiority of Women and the Male Need for Socialization

The crucial process of civilization is the subordination of male sexual impulses and biology to the long-term horizons of female sexuality.

Women's sexual superiority is evident in their central roles in reproduction, childbearing, and nurturing. This biological reality gives women a natural advantage in shaping society's long-term goals and values. Men, on the other hand, are driven by short-term sexual impulses that need to be channeled and controlled for the benefit of civilization.

Male socialization is essential for creating stable societies. This process involves:

  • Transforming male lust into love
  • Channeling male wanderlust into productive work
  • Linking men to specific children and families
  • Diverting male aggression into creativity and social progress

The challenge for every society is to define appropriate roles for men that harness their energy and aggression in constructive ways, while allowing women to exercise their natural leadership in shaping social values and priorities.

2. The Biological Differences Between Men and Women Shape Society

Men lust, but they know not what for; they wander, and lose track of the goal; they fight and compete, but they forget the prize; they spread seed, but spurn the seasons of growth; they chase power and glory, but miss the meaning of life.

Biological determinism plays a significant role in shaping human behavior and social structures. Men and women are fundamentally different in their physical and psychological makeup, which leads to distinct roles and contributions to society.

Key biological differences:

  • Men have higher levels of testosterone, leading to greater aggression and competitiveness
  • Women have a more complex hormonal system, contributing to nurturing behaviors and long-term planning
  • Male sexuality is more visually-oriented and short-term focused
  • Female sexuality is more relationship-oriented and long-term focused

These biological differences manifest in social structures, with men typically taking on roles that involve physical labor, competition, and risk-taking, while women tend to excel in caregiving, communication, and social organization. Recognizing and working with these differences, rather than trying to erase them, is crucial for creating harmonious and productive societies.

3. Monogamy as the Foundation of Civilized Society

Monogamy is central to any democratic social contract, designed to prevent a breakdown of society into "war of every man against every other man."

Monogamy as social glue serves several crucial functions in maintaining civilized society. By pairing one man with one woman, monogamy creates a stable foundation for raising children and passing on cultural values.

Benefits of monogamy:

  • Ensures more equal distribution of sexual partners
  • Reduces male competition and violence
  • Provides a stable environment for child-rearing
  • Encourages long-term investment in family and community

Monogamy also helps to harness male energy and aggression into productive pursuits, as men are motivated to work and achieve in order to attract and support a wife and children. This arrangement benefits society as a whole by channeling male ambition into economic and social progress, rather than destructive competition for mates.

4. The Breakdown of Marriage and Its Societal Consequences

When a man, accepting an honor at the company banquet—or prefacing a book—gives much of the credit to his wife, he is not merely following a ritual. He is stating a practical fact. In all likelihood he would not have succeeded—and possibly not even survived—if he had been single or divorced.

Marriage breakdown has far-reaching consequences for individuals and society. The decline of traditional marriage has led to a host of social problems, particularly for men.

Consequences of marriage breakdown:

  • Higher rates of crime, substance abuse, and mental health issues among single men
  • Increased poverty and welfare dependence, especially for single mothers and children
  • Declining birth rates and population aging in developed countries
  • Reduced economic productivity and innovation

Research consistently shows that married men are healthier, wealthier, and more successful than their single counterparts. This is not merely correlation; marriage provides men with stability, motivation, and emotional support that contribute directly to their success. The breakdown of marriage thus represents a significant loss of social capital and productivity for society as a whole.

5. The Crucial Role of Fathers in Family and Society

The central roles are mother and father, husband and wife. They form neat and apparently balanced pairs. But appearances are deceptive. In sexual terms, there is little balance at all.

Fatherhood as societal anchor is a crucial but often underappreciated aspect of family and social stability. While mothers play an undeniably vital role, fathers contribute uniquely to child development and social order.

Key contributions of fathers:

  • Provide economic support for the family
  • Offer male role models for children, especially boys
  • Contribute to discipline and boundary-setting
  • Encourage risk-taking and independence in children

The absence of fathers in many modern families has led to numerous social problems, including higher rates of juvenile delinquency, poor educational outcomes, and increased poverty. Recognizing and supporting the role of fathers is essential for maintaining strong families and a stable society.

6. The Perils of Sexual Liberation and Feminist Ideology

The feminist demand that women have control over their own bodies accentuated an unconscious recognition that males have almost completely lost control of procreative activity.

Sexual liberation's unintended consequences have led to a host of social problems, particularly for men and children. The feminist movement, while achieving some positive goals, has also contributed to the erosion of traditional family structures and gender roles.

Negative impacts of sexual liberation:

  • Increased single parenthood and fatherless homes
  • Higher rates of divorce and relationship instability
  • Declining birth rates in developed countries
  • Confusion about gender roles and expectations

The push for complete sexual equality and autonomy has paradoxically led to greater insecurity and unhappiness for both men and women. Men, in particular, have lost their traditional roles as providers and protectors, leading to a crisis of masculinity. Recognizing the complementary nature of male and female roles, rather than trying to erase all differences, may be a more productive approach to achieving genuine equality and social harmony.

7. The Importance of Traditional Family Values for Economic Growth

Capitalism begins with the love of families for their children and the belief that any child may grow up and make huge contributions to his society.

Family as economic engine underscores the vital link between strong families and economic prosperity. Traditional family values provide the foundation for the risk-taking, long-term planning, and work ethic necessary for capitalist success.

Key economic benefits of strong families:

  • Encourage savings and investment for future generations
  • Provide motivation for entrepreneurship and innovation
  • Foster social stability, reducing costs of crime and welfare
  • Produce well-socialized workers and citizens

Contrary to the view that capitalism thrives on greed and selfishness, it actually depends on the altruism and long-term thinking cultivated in stable families. The decline of traditional family structures in many developed countries may be contributing to economic stagnation and declining innovation.

8. The Threat of Bioengineering to Human Sexuality and Society

The cloud is biogenetic engineering, and it makes technically possible for the first time in human history a change in the very essence of sexuality.

Bioengineering's double-edged sword presents both opportunities and dangers for human sexuality and society. Advances in reproductive technologies and genetic engineering have the potential to radically alter the traditional relationships between men, women, and children.

Potential impacts of bioengineering:

  • Artificial wombs could make natural pregnancy obsolete
  • Genetic engineering could allow for "designer babies"
  • Cloning could fundamentally alter concepts of individuality and identity
  • Male genetic material could become unnecessary for reproduction

While these technologies offer potential benefits, such as treating infertility and genetic diseases, they also raise profound ethical questions. The ability to manipulate human biology at its most fundamental level could lead to unforeseen consequences for social structures, gender relations, and the very nature of human identity. Careful consideration of the ethical implications of these technologies is essential as we move into this uncharted territory.

Last updated:

FAQ

What's Men and Marriage about?

  • Exploration of Gender Roles: Men and Marriage by George Gilder delves into the traditional roles of men and women, particularly in the context of marriage and family. It argues that these roles are deeply rooted in biology and culture.
  • Critique of Feminism: Gilder critiques the feminist movement, suggesting it often misunderstands male and female dynamics. He posits that attempts to enforce gender equality can undermine societal order.
  • Importance of Family: The book emphasizes the family unit as a stabilizing force in society, arguing that strong families contribute to social order and economic stability.

Why should I read Men and Marriage?

  • Insightful Analysis: Gilder provides a thought-provoking analysis of gender roles and societal health, challenging contemporary views on feminism and gender equality.
  • Historical Context: The book offers a historical perspective on marriage and family, linking past practices to current societal challenges.
  • Personal Reflection: Readers are invited to reflect on their beliefs about love, marriage, and gender roles, with Gilder's personal anecdotes adding a relatable dimension.

What are the key takeaways of Men and Marriage?

  • Biological Differences Matter: Gilder asserts that inherent biological differences between men and women shape their societal roles and should be acknowledged.
  • Marriage as a Foundation: The book posits that marriage is essential for societal stability and personal fulfillment, fostering responsibility and nurturing the next generation.
  • Critique of Social Engineering: Gilder warns against efforts to redefine gender roles through legislation, which he believes can lead to societal chaos.

What are the best quotes from Men and Marriage and what do they mean?

  • “The drive to deny them…”: This quote encapsulates Gilder's critique of feminist ideologies that seek to erase gender differences, suggesting such efforts are misguided.
  • “The central fact of life…”: Gilder highlights the importance of recognizing and valuing traditional female roles in family and society.
  • “Without a durable relationship…”: This quote emphasizes the idea that meaningful relationships are essential for men to find fulfillment.

How does George Gilder define masculinity in Men and Marriage?

  • Masculinity as Performance: Gilder argues that masculinity is a role that must be performed and validated through action, with men driven to prove their manhood.
  • Dependence on Women: He posits that men’s identities are closely tied to their relationships with women, shaping their behavior and societal roles.
  • Crisis of Masculinity: Gilder discusses the contemporary crisis of masculinity, suggesting a return to traditional gender roles could restore a sense of purpose.

What is Gilder's view on the breakdown of monogamy in Men and Marriage?

  • Consequences of Sexual Liberation: Gilder argues that the sexual liberation movement has contributed to the breakdown of monogamy, leading to increased divorce rates.
  • Cultural Impact: He suggests that the normalization of casual sexual relationships has eroded the commitment that marriage traditionally represents.
  • Need for Restoration: Gilder advocates for a return to monogamous relationships to restore social order and foster long-term commitments.

How does Men and Marriage address the role of women in society?

  • Women as Civilizers: Gilder posits that women play a crucial role in civilizing male behavior and channeling male energy into productive roles.
  • Critique of Feminism: The book critiques feminist ideologies that seek to diminish traditional female roles, arguing they overlook women’s contributions to family and society.
  • Empowerment through Family: Gilder emphasizes that true empowerment for women comes through their roles as wives and mothers.

What solutions does Gilder propose for the issues discussed in Men and Marriage?

  • Reinforcement of Traditional Roles: Gilder advocates for a return to traditional gender roles, where men are providers and women are nurturers.
  • Support for Marriage: He calls for societal support for marriage as a fundamental institution, emphasizing policies that encourage long-term commitments.
  • Cultural Shift: Gilder suggests a cultural shift is necessary to restore the value of family and marriage.

How does George Gilder connect economics to relationships in Men and Marriage?

  • Economic Incentives: Gilder discusses how economic factors influence relationships, particularly the role of men as providers.
  • Impact of Welfare: He critiques welfare systems that undermine traditional family structures by providing financial support to single mothers.
  • Marriage and Economic Stability: Gilder posits that marriage is an economic necessity for societal stability, contributing to economic growth and social order.

What is the significance of the title Men and Marriage?

  • Focus on Male Perspectives: The title highlights Gilder's focus on the male experience within the context of marriage.
  • Marriage as a Central Theme: It emphasizes the importance of marriage as a foundational element of society.
  • Cultural Commentary: The title serves as a commentary on changing dynamics of gender roles and relationships in contemporary society.

What is Gilder's view on feminism in Men and Marriage?

  • Critique of Feminist Ideals: Gilder argues that feminist ideals often overlook biological and psychological differences between men and women.
  • Legal Solutions vs. Natural Order: He suggests feminists frequently seek legal solutions to social issues, which can undermine the natural order of relationships.
  • Impact on Family Dynamics: Gilder contends that feminist movements have contributed to the breakdown of traditional family structures.

How does Men and Marriage define the concept of androgyny?

  • Androgyny as a Social Construct: Gilder critiques the push for androgyny, arguing it undermines natural differences between men and women.
  • Impact on Education: The book discusses how androgynous ideals have infiltrated educational systems, often leading to negative outcomes.
  • Consequences for Relationships: Gilder warns that promoting androgyny can disrupt traditional relationships and family structures.

Review Summary

4.22 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Men and Marriage receives mostly positive reviews, with readers praising its insights on gender roles, family, and societal issues. Many find it prophetic and relevant despite its age. Critics appreciate Gilder's analysis of masculinity, femininity, and civilization's foundations. Some readers disagree with certain arguments or find them outdated. The book is described as thought-provoking, controversial, and eye-opening. Readers often recommend it, particularly for its perspectives on marriage, sexuality, and social dynamics. Several mention its impact on their worldview and understanding of gender relations.

Your rating:

About the Author

George Gilder is an American economist, writer, and social theorist known for his conservative views on economic and social issues. He has authored numerous books on technology, economics, and social policy. Gilder's work often focuses on the intersection of economics, culture, and family structures. He is recognized for his critiques of feminism and welfare policies, as well as his advocacy for supply-side economics. Gilder has been influential in conservative circles and has contributed to various think tanks and publications. His writing style is described as provocative and insightful, often challenging prevailing cultural narratives. Despite controversy surrounding some of his views, Gilder remains a respected figure in conservative intellectual circles.

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