Men, Women and the Mystery of Love

1. Love is not just a feeling, but a commitment to the good of another person

"To love is to will the good of another"

Love transcends emotions. While feelings are an important part of romantic relationships, true love goes beyond mere sentiment. It involves a deliberate choice to seek what is best for the other person, even when it may be difficult or require personal sacrifice. This commitment to the good of the beloved is the foundation of lasting relationships.

Actions speak louder than words. Love is demonstrated through:

• Putting the needs of the other person before one's own
• Making sacrifices for the sake of the relationship
• Remaining faithful in times of difficulty
• Supporting the growth and development of the beloved

Love requires constant effort and renewal. It is not a one-time decision, but a daily choice to prioritize the well-being of the other person. This understanding of love as an act of the will provides a solid foundation for enduring relationships, even when emotions fluctuate.

2. True love requires both subjective and objective aspects to flourish

"A mature love becomes serene and confident, for it ceases to be absorbed entirely in itself and attaches itself instead to its object, to the beloved person"

Balancing emotion and reason. Subjective aspects of love include emotions, attraction, and sentiment. Objective aspects involve commitment, virtue, and pursuit of common goals. Both are necessary for a well-rounded relationship.

Key components of mature love:

• Emotional connection and physical attraction
• Shared values and life goals
• Mutual respect and understanding
• Commitment to growth as individuals and as a couple

Avoiding idealization. It's important to see the beloved as they truly are, rather than projecting an idealized image onto them. This realistic view allows for genuine acceptance and love of the whole person, including their flaws and imperfections.

3. Self-giving is the essence of authentic love and personal fulfillment

"Man finds himself only by making himself a sincere gift to others."

The paradox of self-gift. Contrary to popular belief, true fulfillment comes not from self-seeking, but from self-giving. By dedicating ourselves to the good of others, we discover our deepest identity and purpose.

Ways to practice self-giving love:

• Prioritizing the needs of your partner
• Making sacrifices for the good of the relationship
• Sharing your time, talents, and resources generously
• Being fully present and attentive to your loved ones

Freedom for love. Self-giving requires a certain self-mastery and freedom from selfishness. By cultivating virtues like generosity and self-control, we become more capable of authentic love. This self-gift is not a loss of self, but a fulfillment of our deepest nature as relational beings.

4. Chastity protects and enables genuine love between persons

"Only the chaste man and the chaste woman are capable of true love."

Chastity as a positive virtue. Far from being a mere set of prohibitions, chastity is the virtue that frees us to love authentically. It enables us to see and reverence the full dignity of the other person, rather than reducing them to an object of pleasure.

Benefits of chastity:

• Fosters deeper emotional intimacy
• Builds trust and respect in relationships
• Allows for clearer discernment in choosing a life partner
• Prepares couples for faithful, committed marriage

Overcoming utilitarianism. Chastity helps us resist the temptation to use others for our own gratification. It orients our sexuality towards genuine self-gift and communion of persons, rather than mere physical pleasure.

5. Modesty inspires love and protects the dignity of the human person

"Sexual modesty is not a flight from love, but on the contrary the opening of a way towards it."

Beyond clothing choices. Modesty is not just about what we wear, but how we carry ourselves and interact with others. It involves a respect for our own dignity and that of others, creating an environment where genuine love can flourish.

Aspects of modesty:

• Dress that respects the human body as a temple of the Holy Spirit
• Speech and behavior that uphold the dignity of oneself and others
• Cultivation of interior purity and self-control
• Protecting the intimacy proper to different types of relationships

Inspiring authentic love. By veiling what is most intimate, modesty actually increases the attractiveness of the person as a whole. It invites others to look beyond mere physical attributes and appreciate the entire person in their full dignity.

6. Tenderness in marriage requires deep emotional connection and responsibility

"Tenderness is the ability to feel with and for the whole person, to feel even the most deeply hidden spiritual tremors, and always to have in mind the true good of that person."

Emotional intimacy in marriage. Tenderness goes beyond physical affection to encompass a deep emotional connection between spouses. It involves being attuned to the inner life of one's partner and responding with empathy and care.

Components of marital tenderness:

• Active listening and emotional presence
• Empathy and compassion for one's spouse
• Attentiveness to the needs and feelings of the other
• Gentle and affectionate physical touch

Responsibility in love. True tenderness is accompanied by a sense of responsibility for the well-being of one's spouse. This involves a commitment to nurturing the emotional and spiritual growth of one's partner, as well as the relationship as a whole.

7. Openness to life enriches marital love and strengthens family bonds

"When betrothed love enters into this interpersonal relationship something more than friendship results: two people give themselves each to the other."

Fullness of marital love. Openness to life allows couples to participate in the creative power of God's love. This openness enriches the marital relationship by orienting it beyond the couple themselves towards the possibility of new life.

Benefits of openness to life:

• Deepens the self-gift between spouses
• Fosters generosity and selflessness in the relationship
• Creates a family environment of love and acceptance
• Strengthens the couple's trust in God's providence

Children as a gift. Viewing children as a blessing rather than a burden or a right transforms the couple's approach to family life. It fosters an attitude of gratitude and stewardship in parenting.

8. Contraception hinders the full expression of marital love and unity

"When the idea that 'I may become a father'/'I may become a mother' is totally rejected in the mind and will of husband and wife nothing is left of the marital relationship, objectively speaking, except mere sexual enjoyment."

Consequences of contraception. The use of contraception can lead to a utilitarian view of sexuality, where pleasure becomes the primary goal rather than the total self-gift of the spouses. This can subtly erode the unity and intimacy of the marital relationship.

Effects of contraceptive mentality:

• Reduces the spouse to an object of pleasure
• Diminishes the full meaning of sexual intimacy
• Can lead to a fear or rejection of the gift of children
• May increase the likelihood of infidelity or divorce

Alternatives to contraception. Natural Family Planning (NFP) methods allow couples to space births responsibly while remaining open to life. These methods foster communication, mutual respect, and shared responsibility in the marital relationship.

9. The body has a 'nuptial meaning' that expresses self-gift in marriage

"The body, in fact, and only the body, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine."

Body-soul unity. The human body is not just a physical shell, but an integral part of the person that expresses the soul. In marriage, the body becomes a sign and instrument of the total self-gift between spouses.

Aspects of the nuptial meaning of the body:

• Complementarity of male and female
• Capacity for procreation
• Expression of love and commitment through physical intimacy
• Revelation of the person through bodily gestures and actions

Sacramental significance. The union of husband and wife in marriage becomes a visible sign of Christ's love for the Church. This understanding elevates sexuality to a sacred reality, reflecting God's own self-giving love.

10. Single life is an opportunity to cultivate virtues essential for future marriage

"Freedom exists for the sake of love."

Preparation for marriage. The single years are not just a waiting period, but a crucial time for personal growth and character development. By cultivating virtues and healthy relationships now, singles lay the foundation for strong future marriages.

Ways to prepare for marriage while single:

• Develop selflessness and generosity through service to others
• Cultivate emotional maturity and communication skills
• Practice chastity and grow in self-control
• Build a strong spiritual life and relationship with God
• Learn practical life skills and financial responsibility

Living fully in the present. While preparing for a possible future marriage, it's important for singles to embrace their current state of life. This time can be used for personal growth, building meaningful friendships, and pursuing one's vocation and mission in life.

Last updated: March 28, 2025