More Than Enough

1. Embrace Your Unique Identity and Difference

In this sliver of space, this intersection I now own, I have learned to create magic.

Born enough. Growing up mixed-race in predominantly White spaces, the author often felt "othered" and struggled with internalized messages about beauty and belonging. Early experiences, like the preschool "White paper family" collage, highlighted the lack of representation and the pressure to assimilate.

Finding your space. Despite these challenges, the author's mother instilled pride in her Blackness, and navigating different cultural worlds (Black church, White school, Mexican friends) taught her adaptability. Over time, she learned that her unique position at the intersection of different identities was not a weakness but a source of strength and creativity.

Difference is a superpower. Instead of shrinking to fit in, she realized that her distinct perspective, shaped by her background and experiences, was her greatest asset. This realization empowered her to own her identity fully and use it to create space for others who felt marginalized.

2. Trust Your Instincts and Know Your Worth in Relationships

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Ignoring red flags. The author's early relationships, particularly with "First Love" and "Future Husband," were marked by her tendency to ignore warning signs and prioritize commitment over her own well-being. She internalized messages about being a "ride or die" partner, leading her to stay in relationships that were inconsistent, disrespectful, or even harmful.

Shrinking to fit. In these dynamics, she often found herself contorting her personality and dimming her light to appease her partners or fit into their expectations. This resulted in a loss of self-esteem and a feeling of being smaller than she was.

Reclaiming self-worth. The painful breakups, especially the one with "Future Husband," served as a catalyst for reclaiming her identity and self-worth. She learned that true love and partnership should make you feel bigger, not smaller, and that prioritizing your own well-being is essential.

3. Advocate for Yourself and Demand What You Deserve

If you know what you want, ask for it. And be specific. You might just get it.

Asking for more. Early in her career at Ebony, despite being an intern, the author boldly negotiated her salary and position, demonstrating a nascent understanding of her value. This move, though risky, paid off and taught her the importance of asking for what you believe you deserve.

Challenging the status quo. Later, when offered a leadership role at Teen Vogue under unconventional and seemingly undervalued terms, she faced pressure to accept without negotiation. Drawing on advice and her own growing confidence, she pushed back, advocating for a title and salary commensurate with the role's responsibilities.

Practicing what you preach. This experience highlighted the hypocrisy in industries that promote female empowerment but discourage women from advocating for themselves. It reinforced her belief in practicing the principles she championed in her work, even when it was uncomfortable.

4. Find Your Tribe and Build Powerful Allyship

When women affirm women, it unlocks our power. It gives us permission to shine brighter.

Seeking connection. Growing up feeling "othered," the author learned the importance of finding people who saw and affirmed her. From childhood friendships to college mentors like M. Foss and industry figures like Harriette Cole, these relationships provided crucial support and guidance.

Shared experiences. Finding allies who understood the unique challenges of navigating predominantly White spaces as a person of color was vital. Commiserating with colleagues like Phill Picardi about microaggressions and systemic barriers fostered a sense of solidarity and helped process painful experiences.

Lifting as we rise. The author emphasizes the power of women, particularly women of color, supporting each other. From informal mentorships to intentional hiring practices, building a network of allies is essential for navigating corporate structures and creating opportunities for others.

5. Use Your Platform to Drive Meaningful Change

As writers, as magazine editors, as people with public platforms, we are the cultural agenda setters.

Shifting the narrative. At Teen Vogue, the author recognized the opportunity to use the magazine's platform to address issues important to young people, particularly those from marginalized communities. This involved moving beyond traditional fashion and beauty coverage to include politics, social justice, and identity.

Amplifying underrepresented voices. By featuring diverse cover stars, commissioning stories from writers of color, and tackling sensitive topics like cultural appropriation and Black hair politics, Teen Vogue became a vehicle for amplifying voices and perspectives often ignored by mainstream media.

Creating moments of awakening. The goal was not just to entertain but to educate and empower readers. Stories that sparked dialogue and challenged norms created "moments of awakening," helping young people think critically about the world and their place in it.

6. Don't Be Afraid to Disturb the Peace and Challenge Norms

Sometimes just being yourself is the radical act. When you occupy space in systems that weren’t built for you, your authenticity is your activism.

Pushing boundaries. The author consistently challenged the status quo, whether it was pushing for diverse representation in imagery, advocating for Black hair stylists on set, or addressing sensitive topics like cultural appropriation and police brutality in the magazine's content.

Facing backlash. This willingness to "disturb the peace" often came with pushback, both internally and externally. The controversy surrounding the braid story, for example, highlighted the risks involved in tackling culturally sensitive issues on a mainstream platform.

Authenticity as activism. Ultimately, the author learned that simply occupying space and bringing her authentic self to predominantly White, traditional environments was a form of activism. Her presence and perspective inherently challenged existing norms and created space for others.

7. Recognize and Address the Toll of the Grind

There is no glory in a grind that literally grinds you down to dust.

Workaholic tendencies. Driven by ambition and a fear of failure, the author developed unhealthy habits of overworking, neglecting self-care, and constantly striving. This relentless pace, while leading to professional success, took a significant toll on her physical and emotional health.

Physical and emotional signs. Symptoms like rapid weight loss, chronic anxiety, and physical ailments signaled that her body was reacting to the immense stress. She realized she was burying herself in work to avoid dealing with personal issues and had lost sight of herself outside of her career.

Prioritizing well-being. The realization of burnout, prompted by a doctor's visit and the wisdom of others, highlighted the critical need for boundaries and self-care. She learned that sustainable success requires balancing ambition with personal well-being and making time for life outside of work.

8. Embrace Transitions as Opportunities for Growth

Crises are nature’s way of forcing change—breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.

Navigating uncertainty. Life transitions, such as breakups, job changes, or unexpected opportunities, often bring fear and uncertainty. The author's experiences, from accidentally graduating early to the sudden closure of Teen Vogue print, forced her to confront the unknown.

Finding clarity in chaos. These moments of disruption, while painful, also served as catalysts for self-discovery and redirection. They pushed her out of her comfort zone and clarified what she truly wanted, often revealing opportunities she hadn't previously considered.

Stepping out on faith. Embracing transitions required letting go of control and trusting that something new and better could emerge from the breakdown of old structures. It reinforced the lesson that growth often happens on the other side of fear and discomfort.

9. Trust the Divine Flow and Your Calling

There is a divine order, a divine flow to our lives. We don’t need to have all the answers.

Signs and synchronicity. The author often felt guided by an unseen force, interpreting unexpected opportunities (like the call from Harriette Cole or the Teen Vogue job offer returning) as divine confirmation of her path. These moments reinforced her faith in a plan bigger than her own.

Following intuition. Despite external doubts or logical reasons to choose a different path (like turning down the Essence internship for Ebony), she learned to trust her gut feeling and the sense of being called to a particular opportunity or person.

Surrendering control. Recognizing that she couldn't force outcomes or control every circumstance, the author found peace in surrendering to the flow of life. This faith allowed her to move forward even when the path ahead was unclear.

10. Navigate Systemic Barriers with Resilience and Grace

Falling down is inevitable. It’s the getting back up that’s on you.

Facing discrimination. The author encountered systemic barriers and microaggressions related to her race, age, and class throughout her career. From being underestimated to experiencing overt racism, these challenges were a constant reminder that the world wasn't always fair.

Overcoming tokenism. Being one of the "First, Only, Different" often meant being held up as a symbol of progress while simultaneously navigating complex internal dynamics and feeling tokenized. She learned to channel frustration into action and use her position to create more inclusive systems.

Rising like air. Despite setbacks, disappointments, and the weight of representing her community, the author's resilience, fueled by her family's lessons and the support of her tribe, enabled her to keep pushing forward, advocating for herself and others, and making magic happen even in challenging circumstances.

Last updated: May 9, 2025