My Left Foot

1. Mother's Unwavering Faith Defied All Odds

She could not and would not believe that I was an imbecile, as the doctors told her.

Defying diagnosis. Born with severe cerebral palsy, doctors told Christy's mother he was mentally defective and hopeless. Despite having five other young children and facing skepticism from relatives, she refused to accept this verdict. Her deep conviction that his mind was sound, even if his body was crippled, became the foundation of his future.

A mother's determination. She decided to treat him like her other children, determined he would not be hidden away or forgotten. This momentous decision meant she would always be his advocate and source of strength against the world's low expectations. Her love fueled her relentless efforts to reach his imprisoned mind.

Laying the groundwork. While his father worked, his mother patiently tried to teach him, facing heartbreaking lack of response for years. This persistent effort, born purely out of love, created the environment where his eventual breakthrough could occur. She was his first and most crucial ally.

2. The Left Foot: A Key to a New World

That one letter, scrawled on the floor with a broken bit of yellow chalk gripped between my toes, was my road to a new world, my key to mental freedom.

The breakthrough moment. At age five, while watching his siblings write, Christy felt a sudden, desperate urge to participate. Without conscious thought, he reached out with his left foot and took a piece of chalk, making a scribble on the floor. This unexpected action stunned his family.

Unlocking potential. His mother, seizing the opportunity, immediately drew the letter 'A' and asked him to copy it. With immense effort, shaking and straining, he succeeded. This single act proved his intelligence and opened the door to communication.

A unique tool. The left foot, previously just another twisted limb, became his primary means of interacting with the world. He learned to write, spell, and eventually communicate complex thoughts, breaking through the glass wall that had separated him from others. It was his only functional tool for expression.

3. Finding Expression and Joy Through Painting

I had discovered a new way to communicate with the outside world, a new way to talk with my left foot.

A new outlet. Around age ten, Christy discovered painting using his left foot. This provided a vital new avenue for expression beyond just writing words. He became deeply devoted to his paints and brushes.

Escaping depression. Painting helped him forget his unhappiness and self-consciousness. It gave him something to look forward to each day and kept his mind active. He found pure joy in the act of creating, a feeling that seemed to lift him above his physical limitations.

Encouragement matters. His early paintings were crude, but the encouragement he received, particularly from Katriona Delahunt, made him feel useful and important. This positive reinforcement motivated him to improve and paint with greater confidence, further solidifying art as a central part of his life.

4. The Painful Awakening to Self and Isolation

Now I saw everything, not through the eyes of a little boy eager for fun and brimming with curiosity, but through those of a cripple, a cripple who had only just discovered his own affliction.

Loss of innocence. As he grew older, particularly after his go-car broke and he could no longer easily join his siblings, Christy became acutely aware of his physical difference. This realization was like a sharp needle tearing through his childish dreams. He saw himself through the eyes of others.

Hating his reflection. He began to hate his twisted hands, wobbly head, and lopsided mouth, especially when seen in a mirror. The mirror showed him the "grotesque face" that others saw, leading him to smash one in despair. He felt frightened and foolish.

Withdrawal and sadness. This self-awareness led to withdrawal. He stopped going out and playing with his brothers, preferring to sit alone, moody and shut up in himself. The carefree child was replaced by a tense, silent creature grappling with the stark reality of his condition.

5. Lourdes Offered Perspective, Not a Cure

As I saw all those people each with his or her own suffering, a new light began to dawn upon me.

Seeking a miracle. Despite a wavering interest in religion, Christy felt a strong desire to go to Lourdes, harboring a secret hope for a cure. The trip, funded partly by a committee and partly by fundraising efforts, was his first abroad and terrifyingly undertaken alone.

A brotherhood of pain. On the journey and at the shrine, he encountered countless others with severe disabilities, many worse than his own. This experience was bewildering but eye-opening, showing him he was not alone in his suffering. He felt a deep connection to this "brotherhood of suffering."

Disappointment and reflection. While the experience was beautiful and provided perspective, he was not cured. Returning home, the magic wore off, and he felt the emptiness and boredom of his life keenly. Lourdes became a memory, and he was back to being the same, struggling to reconcile his human desires with his physical limitations.

6. A Doctor's Visit Ignited a New Hope

In a very few words he had changed the pattern of my whole life; he had given the past some significance and the future some promise, some definite purpose...

An unexpected visitor. Shortly after returning from Lourdes, Dr. Collis, who had seen Christy years before, arrived at his home. He told Christy about a new treatment for cerebral palsy and asked if he was willing to work hard for a chance at being cured.

A turning point. This offer came at a moment of deep disappointment and bitterness. Dr. Collis's words transformed his outlook, giving him a concrete goal and a sense of purpose. It felt like a miracle, restoring faith where disillusionment had taken root.

The beginning of treatment. Dr. Collis arranged for an assistant, Dr. Warnants, to begin physiotherapy exercises at home. This marked the formal start of his journey towards physical rehabilitation, providing a tangible path forward after years of feeling trapped.

7. The Monumental Sacrifice for a Chance at Normality

So, it all simmers down to this—will you promise never to use your left foot again?

The London verdict. A visit to Mrs. Eirene Collis, a specialist in London, confirmed that Christy could potentially be cured through intensive work. However, the condition was immense: he must never use his left foot again.

The ultimate price. His left foot was his sole means of communication, creativity, and interaction. Giving it up felt like locking himself away and throwing away the key, a sign of surrender to his limitations. It was a cruel price for a bigger gain.

Choosing the future. Despite the difficulty, he understood the logic: using the foot reinforced wrong muscle patterns and prevented him from developing other skills. He agreed, uttering the clearest word he had ever spoken. This decision marked the true beginning of his fight for a more normal life.

8. The Clinic: Finding Community in Shared Struggle

Here, we are ‘among our own’, so to speak.

A new environment. Christy began attending the Cerebral Palsy Clinic in Dublin. Initially apprehensive, he found himself among many children with severe disabilities, some much worse than his own. This experience was both frightening and profoundly educational.

Shared humanity. Seeing others with similar struggles fostered a sense of sympathy and affinity, not pity. He saw beyond the physical deformities to the imprisoned minds and spirits, realizing he was not alone behind prison bars. The clinic became a community.

Beyond physical treatment. The clinic provided not just physiotherapy and speech therapy, but also a sense of belonging and understanding. The dedicated staff offered warmth and encouragement, helping patients develop self-confidence and a sense of pride rather than shame in their condition.

9. Writing Emerges as the Ultimate Voice

I felt I had found something, something I had been looking for ever since I began to think and feel about myself.

An urge to communicate. Inspired by his experiences and newfound hope, Christy felt a powerful urge to express himself, not just to friends, but to the world. He wanted to share his journey and the reality of living with his condition.

Seeking a medium. With his hands useless and his left foot now off-limits for expression, he felt blocked. Watching his brother do homework sparked an idea: he could dictate his thoughts. This simple act opened up a new possibility.

The first attempt. He began dictating his autobiography to his younger brother Eamonn. The initial result was a ponderous, overly complex manuscript, heavily influenced by his limited reading of Dickens. Despite the awkwardness, the process itself was a release, letting out pent-up thoughts and feelings.

10. Mentorship Shaped the Path to Authorship

He believed in me, believed I could become a writer and that gave me the confidence I needed.

Seeking guidance. Recognizing the flaws in his first manuscript and the need for direction, Christy impulsively contacted Dr. Collis, asking for help with his writing. He didn't know Dr. Collis was also a renowned author.

A critical guide. Robert Collis, the author, took Christy under his wing. He was direct and critical of the early work, calling it "awful" and "too literary." He emphasized clarity, simplicity, and finding his own voice, urging him to "paint pictures with a pen."

Inspiring confidence. More than just technical instruction, Collis's belief in Christy's potential was transformative. He provided the encouragement and confidence needed to scrap the old work and start over, guiding him through the difficult process of learning to write effectively.

11. The Spirit of Pride Overcame Pity

...it is the spirit of pride not pity.

A different kind of care. The staff at the Clinic, including doctors, therapists, and teachers, were more than just medical professionals. They approached their work with genuine human warmth and a deep understanding of the challenges faced by their patients.

Fostering dignity. They focused on helping the children and adults develop their abilities and self-worth, emphasizing effort and progress. The environment was one of encouragement and acceptance, where individuals were seen for their potential and spirit, not just their limitations.

Community and support. The clinic fostered a sense of community among patients and staff, breaking down barriers and providing a supportive network. This spirit of pride, evident in the dedication of the staff and the progress of the patients, was a powerful force against the isolating effects of disability and the sting of pity.

Last updated: May 17, 2025