New Happy

1. We pursue happiness in all we do, but often get it wrong

"How to gain, how to keep, how to recover happiness is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive for all they do."

Happiness drives everything. From the breakfast we choose to our career aspirations, every decision we make is aimed at making us happier. However, despite this universal pursuit, many people are profoundly unhappy. This paradox stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what happiness truly is and how to achieve it.

Old Happy vs. New Happy. The prevailing "Old Happy" mindset teaches us that happiness comes from:

• Striving for perfection
• Accumulating wealth and possessions
• Conforming to societal expectations
• Constant productivity and competition

In contrast, "New Happy" recognizes that lasting happiness comes from:

• Accepting ourselves as we are
• Cultivating meaningful relationships
• Contributing to something greater than ourselves
• Aligning our actions with our authentic selves

2. Our worldview shapes our definition of happiness

"The limits of my language are the limits of my world."

Worldviews are powerful. Our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us profoundly influence how we define and pursue happiness. These beliefs are often unconscious, shaped by our culture, upbringing, and experiences.

Three key questions define our worldview:

1. Who am I? (Old Happy: I am lacking something. New Happy: I am worthy as I am.)
2. What should I do? (Old Happy: Achieve expected outcomes. New Happy: Take authentic action.)
3. How am I related to others? (Old Happy: I am separate. New Happy: I am connected.)

By recognizing and challenging these underlying beliefs, we can reframe our understanding of happiness and open ourselves to new possibilities for fulfillment.

3. True happiness comes from discovering and sharing our gifts

"Every individual should have the opportunity to develop the gifts which may be latent in him. Alone in that way can the individual obtain the satisfaction to which he is justly entitled; and alone in that way can the community achieve its richest flourishing."

Everyone has unique gifts. These gifts fall into three categories:

1. Humanity: Our capacity for love, compassion, and connection
2. Talent: Our natural abilities and skills
3. Wisdom: The insights gained from our life experiences

Gifts are meant to be shared. True fulfillment comes not just from recognizing our gifts, but from using them to contribute to the world around us. This act of sharing creates a positive feedback loop, enhancing our own well-being while simultaneously benefiting others and our communities.

4. Helping others is the key to lasting happiness

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

Helping is hardwired. Humans are naturally inclined to help one another, with studies showing that even infants as young as 18 months actively try to assist others in distress. This inclination is not just altruistic; it benefits the helper as well.

The helper's high. When we help others, our brains release feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, reducing stress and increasing our sense of well-being. This biological response reinforces the behavior, creating a positive cycle of giving and receiving.

Expanding our circle of concern. By helping others, we expand our sense of self and connection to the world around us. This broader perspective can lead to increased resilience, purpose, and overall life satisfaction.

5. Redefine success to align with your authentic self

"Success is getting reelected . . . if you don't get reelected, you're just roadkill in the political process, and you're just another loser."

Challenge conventional definitions. Society often equates success with external markers like wealth, status, or power. However, this narrow view can lead to a constant sense of inadequacy and unfulfillment.

New Happy success is about authenticity. True success comes from:

• Using your unique gifts and talents
• Aligning your actions with your values
• Contributing to the well-being of others
• Finding joy and meaning in the process, not just the outcome

By reframing success in these terms, we can find greater satisfaction in our daily lives and work, regardless of external recognition or rewards.

6. Cultivate self-acceptance and let go of perfectionism

"I used to hate who I saw in the mirror. The only thing I saw was a swimmer. I never saw myself as a human being."

The tyranny of the perfect self. Many of us carry an idealized version of ourselves in our minds, constantly comparing our real selves to this impossible standard. This perfectionism leads to self-criticism, anxiety, and a constant sense of falling short.

Embrace your humanity. Self-acceptance doesn't mean giving up on growth or improvement. Instead, it means:

• Recognizing that imperfection is part of being human
• Treating ourselves with the same compassion we'd offer a friend
• Focusing on progress and learning, rather than flawless performance
• Valuing our inherent worth, separate from our achievements

By letting go of the need to be perfect, we create space for authentic growth and self-expression.

7. Connect with others to expand your sense of self

"Hell is separateness, uncommunicability, self-centeredness, lust for power, for riches, for fame. Heaven on the other hand is very simple, and very hard: caring about your fellow beings."

We are inherently connected. Despite appearances, humans are not separate, isolated individuals. Our well-being is deeply intertwined with those around us, and our sense of self is shaped by our relationships and interactions.

Expanding our overlap. We can actively cultivate a sense of connection by:

• Looking for the good in others
• Focusing on shared experiences and values
• Engaging in collaborative activities
• Asking meaningful questions and truly listening to the answers

As we expand our sense of connection, we naturally become more compassionate, empathetic, and motivated to contribute to the well-being of others.

8. Use your unique gifts to serve your community and the world

"The world is changed by your example, not your opinion."

Local action, global impact. While the world's problems can seem overwhelming, we each have the power to make a difference in our immediate surroundings. By focusing on how we can use our gifts to address local needs, we contribute to the larger whole.

Find your niche. Consider:

• What problems in your community spark your passion?
• How can your unique combination of humanity, talent, and wisdom be applied?
• What existing initiatives can you support or enhance?
• If nothing exists, how can you be the catalyst for change?

Remember that even small actions, when multiplied across many individuals, can lead to significant positive change.

9. Transform your work to align with your values and strengths

"I'm naturally depressive, naturally sad, naturally cynical. When I'm giving, I'm instantly fueled with joy and energy. It has changed everything."

Work as a vehicle for meaning. Rather than seeing work solely as a means to a paycheck, we can transform it into an opportunity for self-expression and contribution. This shift in perspective can dramatically increase job satisfaction and overall well-being.

Strategies for meaningful work:

• Job crafting: Reshaping your current role to better align with your strengths and values
• Seeking new opportunities that allow you to use your gifts more fully
• Starting initiatives or projects within your organization that address meaningful issues
• Reframing your daily tasks as opportunities to help others and make a positive impact

By infusing our work with purpose and aligning it with our authentic selves, we can find greater fulfillment and make a more significant impact.

10. Embrace struggle as part of the human experience

"I now know that a happy life is one in which you live alongside your pain."

Suffering is universal. Despite what social media or cultural narratives might suggest, every human being experiences pain, setbacks, and struggles. Accepting this reality can paradoxically lead to greater resilience and happiness.

Growth through adversity. Difficulties, when approached with the right mindset, can become opportunities for:

• Developing greater empathy and compassion
• Gaining wisdom and perspective
• Strengthening our relationships and support networks
• Discovering inner strengths we didn't know we possessed

By reframing our struggles as part of the shared human experience, we can find connection and meaning even in our most challenging moments.

Last updated: September 26, 2024