Nonbinary

1. Art and Life are Inseparable: Short-Circuiting Control

Genesis … your task from now on is to tell me … HOW DO WE SHORT-CIRCUIT CONTROL?

Burroughs's Challenge. The book centers on Genesis P-Orridge's lifelong quest to "short-circuit control," a challenge posed by William S. Burroughs. This involves dismantling societal norms, inherited value systems, and the very concept of gender to reclaim individual identity and freedom.

Provocative Life. P-Orridge's life is presented as a radical experiment in art and identity, pushing boundaries in music, sexuality, and spirituality. This journey includes the creation of industrial music with Throbbing Gristle, explorations of acid house, body piercing, and the pursuit of pandrogyny with Lady Jaye Breyer.

Legacy of Inspiration. The memoir aims to inspire readers to live authentically, discard inherited constraints, and embrace the freedom to define their own identities. P-Orridge's life serves as an example of how to subvert tradition, challenge control, and create a unique narrative free from intrusion or interference.

2. Birth as Displacement: The Alien Within

My only vivid memory from being an infant is also the feeling that I was unable to express: I felt displaced.

Early Alienation. From infancy, P-Orridge experienced a profound sense of displacement, feeling disconnected from biological family, peer groups, and society. This sense of being an alien within a human world fueled a lifelong quest for belonging and understanding.

Private Thoughts. This feeling of alienation was combined with an ongoing awareness that deeper, private thoughts are best kept to oneself. The author felt that if they tried to join in with any socially focused behavioral dance or conversation, they would immediately be exposed for the alien brain that they constantly, internally, experience themselves as being.

Orange Cloud. This sense of being drawn down into materiality by birth from an orange place of peaceful, cloudy immateriality and eternity—this deliverance from an orange source—is what my given name actually meant. That source of quaquaversal bliss that I have strived to reconnect with ever since I was sucked away from it is precisely the meaning of my given name, Neil, and for a moment I feel all these threads of my life binding me to mortality at the end of my sojourn within so-called linear time.

3. Family Karma: Echoes of Parental Dreams

My father told me several times that he had been forced by circumstances to give up his dreams for himself to support and raise his family instead.

Unfulfilled Aspirations. P-Orridge's life is intertwined with the unfulfilled creative aspirations of their parents, particularly their father's passion for acting, music, and motorcycles. This creates a sense of karmic inheritance, with P-Orridge living out the dreams their father was forced to abandon.

Connecting Threads. Specific connections to the father's passions include involvement with biker culture, receiving a drum kit, and pursuing performance art. These echoes suggest a deeper, perhaps unconscious, drive to realize the father's creative potential.

Karmic Avatar. The author questions whether they were fated to live out their father's creative gifts, becoming a form of genetic reincarnation or a karmic avatar. This adds a layer of complexity to P-Orridge's artistic journey, suggesting a sense of duty or destiny.

4. War's Shadow: From Speedway to Blitz

Fear does no good. In fact, that’s when you make mistakes.

Father's Valor. The book recounts the father's experiences in World War II, from volunteering as a motorcycle messenger to surviving the Dunkirk evacuation. These stories reveal a hidden side of the father, a teenage rebel who faced danger with courage and resilience.

Blitz Spirit. The father's wartime experiences, including riding through bombed-out streets during the Blitz, shaped his character and instilled a sense of stoicism and practicality. This spirit of perseverance influenced P-Orridge's own approach to life and art.

Emotional Distance. Despite his heroism, the father remained emotionally distant, never expressing love or approval. This emotional rift created a lasting impact on P-Orridge, contributing to feelings of inadequacy and a lifelong need for validation.

5. The Power of the Image: Coronation to Curses

Placing a curse correctly required extreme attention to detail.

Symbolic Conflict. The coronation of Queen Elizabeth II, witnessed on a small black-and-white television, becomes a symbolic starting point for a lifelong conflict with authority. This sets the stage for future clashes with censorship, persecution, and the establishment.

Burroughs's Curses. The book details William S. Burroughs's use of "cut-up magic" to curse a rude café owner, highlighting the power of language and intention. This introduces the idea that words and actions can have real-world consequences, both positive and negative.

Moka Bar. Burroughs cursed the Moka Bar using his cut-up magic technique. First, he recorded all the ambient street sounds. Once back home, he began to “cut in” by randomly recording what he called “trouble noises.” Within weeks the Moka Bar was closed and suddenly out of business, never to reopen.

6. Fractured Memories: Cut-Ups of the Self

Just as it seemed life was chaos, it actually was.

Sparkling Fragments. Early childhood memories are presented as fragmented and disjointed, like glitter pouring between fingers. This reflects the chaotic and fluid nature of lived experience, challenging the notion of a linear, coherent narrative.

Gysin's Influence. Brion Gysin's "cut-up" technique, which involves rearranging existing text to create new meanings, becomes a guiding principle for understanding and representing reality. This approach embraces disorder and contradiction as essential elements of truth.

Liberation from Form. The cut-up technique liberates P-Orridge from the obligation to impose a formal sense or shape on their fractured memories. This allows for a more authentic and unfiltered portrayal of the self, embracing the messiness and complexity of lived experience.

7. Education and Rebellion: From Grammar School to the Underground

I knew the fragility of the most substantial structures—meaning bureaucratic as well as economic or social.

Class Divide. The eleven-plus examination, which determined a child's educational path, highlights the rigid class system in Britain. This system channeled children towards predetermined roles, reinforcing social inequalities and limiting opportunities.

Stockport Grammar. Attending Stockport Grammar School on a scholarship provides a brief respite from the harsh realities of social stratification. However, the experience also exposes the limitations of traditional education and the need for alternative forms of learning.

Solihull School. The oppressive and violent environment of Solihull School fuels a sense of rebellion and a determination to challenge authority. This experience solidifies P-Orridge's commitment to subverting the status quo and creating a more equitable world.

8. The Allure of Androgyny: Brian Jones and Beyond

He became symbolic to me of both the exotic idea of androgyny, but also of experimentation.

Gender Roles. Growing up in a household dominated by women and attending all-boys schools creates a sense of unease with traditional gender roles. This fuels a desire to explore androgyny and challenge the limitations of masculinity.

Brian Jones. Meeting Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones becomes a pivotal moment, as Jones embodies androgyny and experimentation. This encounter inspires P-Orridge to embrace a more fluid and unconventional approach to identity.

Mrs. Peel. The author was never a person who felt I was a woman trapped in a man’s body. But I did feel totally trapped in the expectation of my role within “masculinity.” All the “male” traits and behaviours that were supposed to be so natural to me. I did a lot of boy things in childhood. But I hated being associated with “maleness.”

9. The Nightmare Roof: Terror and Transformation

I’d wake up petrified and run to my parents’ bedroom, afraid to look behind me.

Recurring Nightmare. A recurring nightmare of being trapped on a slippery roof, pursued by a malevolent monster, haunts P-Orridge's childhood. This nightmare symbolizes the constant threat of external forces seeking to control and harm.

Symbolic Meaning. The nightmare can be interpreted as a warning or a message from a source outside time, representing the ongoing struggle against control and the need for constant vigilance. It also highlights the vulnerability and isolation of the individual in the face of overwhelming forces.

Anticlimactic Details. The details of the nightmare, though seemingly corny, underscore the power of fear and the lasting impact of childhood trauma. This emphasizes the importance of confronting and understanding our deepest anxieties.

10. The Lure of the Occult: From Gysin to Gurdjieff

I found my senses tingling, close to a palpable shivering within my mind.

Poetry Bug. Discovering poetry unlocks a new form of expression and a deeper understanding of language. This leads to a lifelong exploration of words, symbols, and their power to shape reality.

Gurdjieff's Influence. The "Stop Game," adapted from Gurdjieff's teachings, becomes a tool for self-analysis and breaking down ingrained habits. This highlights the importance of self-awareness and the constant questioning of assumptions.

The occult. The author found that the occult was a way to explore the unknown and challenge conventional thinking. This led to a lifelong fascination with magic, ritual, and the power of altered states of consciousness.

11. The Death of Neil: Rebirth as Genesis

It made all the decisions so much easier thereafter.

Medical Death. A near-death experience due to cortisone withdrawal becomes a catalyst for transformation. This event reinforces the preciousness of life and the need to pursue one's true passions without delay.

New Name. Adopting the name Genesis P-Orridge symbolizes a conscious break from the past and a commitment to creating a new identity. This act of self-creation reflects a desire to control one's own narrative and destiny.

Unwavering Focus. The near-death experience and the adoption of a new identity solidify P-Orridge's focus on creativity, subversion, and the pursuit of personal freedom. This sets the stage for a life dedicated to challenging control and exploring the boundaries of human experience.

12. Finding Cosmosis: Love, Loss, and Liberation

I was to explore in a fully tactile, sensual, three-dimensional explosion what joyful combinations were possible when actual pussies and penises devoured each other in passionate sex.

Sexual Exploration. The book details P-Orridge's exploration of sexuality, from early experiences with masturbation to later relationships with women. This journey reflects a desire to understand and challenge societal norms surrounding sex and the body.

Angel Jane. The relationship with Angel Jane Ray becomes a source of inspiration and creative collaboration. This highlights the importance of finding partners who support and encourage one's artistic vision.

Transgression. The author's relationship with Lady Jaye Breyer becomes a catalyst for further transformation, leading to the pursuit of pandrogyny and a deeper exploration of identity. This underscores the power of love and connection to transcend boundaries and challenge societal expectations.

Last updated: February 23, 2025