Nowhere Girl

1. A childhood on the run: Harbhajan's fugitive family life

My first near-death experience occurs at the age of four, when the brakes fail, with my dad at the wheel, sending us hurtling down the Himalayas.

Constant peril. Harbhajan's childhood was marked by perpetual movement and danger. Her family lived under assumed identities, constantly changing locations to evade authorities. This nomadic lifestyle spanned multiple continents, including India, Australia, South Africa, and various European countries.

Unconventional education. Instead of traditional schooling, Harbhajan received a unique education through her family's travels and her father's teachings. This included:

• Learning multiple languages
• Developing survival skills
• Understanding complex financial concepts at a young age
• Mastering the art of creating and maintaining false identities

The family's lifestyle was characterized by a mix of luxury and instability, often staying in high-end hotels while remaining prepared to flee at a moment's notice.

2. The power of identity: Navigating multiple names and personas

Have you ever thought of modeling?

Fluid identities. Throughout her life, Harbhajan assumed various identities, each with its own name and backstory. This included:

• Harbhajan Khalsa Nanak (birth name)
• Crystal (in Virginia)
• Cheryl Diamond (for modeling and writing)

The constant change in identity had profound psychological effects:

• Difficulty forming lasting relationships
• Challenges in developing a stable sense of self
• Exceptional adaptability and social chameleon-like abilities

Harbhajan's modeling career and authorship under the name Cheryl Diamond represented a form of escape and self-expression, allowing her to create an identity separate from her family's influence.

3. The cost of deception: Fractured relationships and trust issues

Frank and Chiara are not your full siblings.

Family secrets. The web of lies and secrets within Harbhajan's family led to deep-seated trust issues and fractured relationships. Key revelations included:

• Learning that her siblings were half-siblings from her mother's previous marriage
• Discovering her father's true nature as a con man
• Realizing the extent of her grandfather's obsessive pursuit of the family

Emotional toll. The constant deception had severe emotional consequences:

• Difficulty in forming close relationships outside the family
• A pervasive sense of guilt and shame
• Struggle to discern truth from lies, even within herself

The breakdown of trust within the family unit left Harbhajan feeling isolated and betrayed, particularly as she began to uncover the truth about her father's motivations and actions.

4. Survival skills: Adapting to constant change and uncertainty

In life, it's important to make a good first impression.

Chameleon-like adaptation. Harbhajan developed exceptional skills in adapting to new environments and situations:

• Quickly learning local customs and languages
• Mastering the art of blending in and avoiding suspicion
• Developing a keen sense of situational awareness

Practical skills. Her unconventional upbringing equipped her with unique abilities:

• Forging documents and manipulating identities
• Understanding complex financial transactions
• Navigating international travel and border crossings

These survival skills, while useful in her family's fugitive lifestyle, later presented challenges in adapting to a more conventional life and forming genuine connections with others.

5. The pursuit of normalcy: Craving stability in a chaotic world

I want to be a flight attendant.

Longing for stability. Despite the excitement of her nomadic lifestyle, Harbhajan increasingly yearned for normalcy and stability:

• Fascination with mundane aspects of settled life
• Desire for consistent friendships and relationships
• Attempts to create a sense of home in temporary living situations

Conflict with family values. This desire for normalcy often clashed with her family's lifestyle:

• Tension between personal aspirations and family loyalty
• Struggles to reconcile her unique upbringing with societal norms
• Internal conflict between the thrill of adventure and the need for security

As she grew older, Harbhajan's efforts to build a stable life for herself became a central theme in her journey towards self-discovery and healing.

6. Breaking free: Confronting family secrets and lies

Do you realize what a difficult situation you are in?

Uncovering the truth. As Harbhajan matured, she began to question her family's lifestyle and uncover long-hidden truths:

• Discovering her father's criminal activities and true motivations
• Learning about her mother's past and the circumstances that led to their fugitive life
• Confronting the reality of her complicated legal status and lack of official identity

Difficult decisions. Breaking free from her family's influence required painful choices:

• Seeking legal help to establish her identity
• Confronting her father about his lies and manipulation
• Choosing to separate from her family to pursue her own path

This process of confronting family secrets was emotionally taxing but ultimately necessary for Harbhajan's personal growth and healing.

7. Healing and self-discovery: Overcoming trauma and finding authenticity

You may feel fragile now, but even when you were in dungarees, you were already bigger than all of us.

Physical and emotional healing. Harbhajan's journey towards healing involved addressing both physical and emotional trauma:

• Battling Crohn's disease, likely triggered by years of stress and trauma
• Seeking therapy and support to process her unconventional upbringing
• Learning to trust others and form genuine relationships

Reclaiming identity. A crucial part of her healing process involved reclaiming her true identity:

• Embracing her birth name and history
• Reconciling the various personas she had adopted over the years
• Finding ways to integrate her unique experiences into a cohesive sense of self

Through this process, Harbhajan began to build a life based on authenticity and self-acceptance, rather than deception and fear.

8. The legacy of fear: Generational patterns of paranoia and control

Even after everything, I still love you, Dad. I would run, fight, lie, anything for you both. I don't want to break anything, I want us to work.

Cyclical patterns. Harbhajan's story revealed generational patterns of fear, control, and paranoia:

• Her grandfather's obsessive pursuit of the family
• Her father's perpetuation of a life on the run, even when it may no longer have been necessary
• The lasting impact of these patterns on Harbhajan and her siblings

Breaking the cycle. Recognizing these patterns was crucial for Harbhajan to break free:

• Confronting her own internalized fears and trust issues
• Choosing to seek help and establish her own identity
• Striving to build relationships based on honesty rather than deception

By acknowledging and addressing these generational patterns, Harbhajan took the first steps towards breaking the cycle of fear and control that had defined her family for decades.

Last updated: January 23, 2025