One in a Millennial

1. Pop culture shapes millennial identity and expectations

I feel like when people talk about girlhood, there's a tendency to romanticize and overstate one's complex inner-girl world, and I probably sound like that in describing my sensitive nature or interest in writing, but I think most people probably have a more complex interior than they let on.

Media influence. Growing up in the 1990s and early 2000s, millennials were heavily influenced by pop culture, from TV shows like Saved by the Bell to music icons like the Spice Girls. This exposure shaped their understanding of social dynamics, relationships, and personal identity. The constant bombardment of idealized images and narratives created a gap between expectations and reality, particularly in areas like romance, friendship, and success.

Consumerism and identity. Brands and consumer goods became intertwined with personal identity, as exemplified by the author's experiences with Limited Too and Abercrombie & Fitch. The desire to fit in and be accepted often led to prioritizing appearance and material possessions over personal growth and authenticity.

• Key influences:
  • TV shows (Saved by the Bell, Full House)
  • Music (Spice Girls, NSYNC)
  • Fashion brands (Limited Too, Abercrombie & Fitch)
  • Movies (The Parent Trap, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)

2. The pursuit of popularity influences self-worth and choices

I cared less about grades and class rank than how I could acquire the subjective glamour that made me eligible for a far more prestigious formal ranking system: the MySpace top eight of upperclasswomen who embodied coolness at a Celica and cellular level.

Social hierarchy. The author's experiences in middle and high school highlight the intense focus on popularity and social status. This pursuit often led to compromising personal interests and values in favor of fitting in with the "cool" crowd. The pressure to conform affected various aspects of life, from fashion choices to social media presence.

Long-term impact. The obsession with popularity during formative years had lasting effects on self-esteem and decision-making. Even as adults, many millennials struggle with the need for external validation and the fear of being perceived as "basic" or uninteresting.

• Manifestations of popularity pursuit:
  • Changing personal style to fit trends
  • Adopting specific mannerisms (e.g., handwriting styles)
  • Prioritizing social status over academic achievement
  • Curating online presence for maximum approval

3. Religion and boy bands create unrealistic romantic expectations

I was enamored with supermodels back in the day, wondering what it would be like to submit photos to esteemed institutions like Barbizon or John Robert Powers.

Idealized love. The combination of religious teachings and boy band lyrics created an unrealistic picture of romance for many millennial girls. This idealization led to disappointment and confusion when real-life relationships failed to live up to these expectations.

Gender roles and sexuality. The author's experiences with purity culture and abstinence-only education highlight the conflicting messages young women received about their sexuality and worth. These teachings often resulted in feelings of shame and inadequacy, impacting future relationships and self-image.

• Sources of romantic idealization:
  • Religious teachings on purity and marriage
  • Boy band lyrics promising eternal love and devotion
  • Romantic comedies portraying perfect relationships
  • Abstinence-only education creating fear and shame around sexuality

4. Mental health struggles are common but often misunderstood

I knew I didn't feel like myself, and felt sad all the time, but didn't know at what point you label it as a broader problem.

Silent suffering. The author's experiences with depression and anxiety during college highlight the prevalence of mental health issues among millennials. However, the lack of awareness and open discussion about these topics often led to feelings of isolation and confusion.

Seeking help. The journey to understanding and addressing mental health concerns is often complicated by societal stigma and misconceptions. The author's eventual realization that her struggles were clinical rather than personal shortcomings underscores the importance of professional help and destigmatizing mental health care.

• Common mental health challenges for millennials:
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Eating disorders
  • Substance abuse
  • Burnout

5. Corporate America provides unexpected fulfillment and growth

I feel the same way about my manager and close friend Courtney, who is the engine behind today's version of Be There in Five; she worked tirelessly to turn my independent podcast into a profitable venture.

Career development. Contrary to popular narratives about millennial dissatisfaction with traditional jobs, the author found unexpected fulfillment and growth in corporate America. This experience provided structure, mentorship, and opportunities for personal development that were crucial in shaping her future career.

Entrepreneurial journey. The skills and confidence gained in the corporate world ultimately enabled the author to pursue her entrepreneurial ventures successfully. This transition highlights the importance of diverse experiences in building a fulfilling career.

• Benefits of corporate experience:
  • Structured environment for skill development
  • Mentorship opportunities
  • Financial stability
  • Network building
  • Foundation for future entrepreneurial endeavors

6. Fertility challenges and loss reshape perspectives on parenthood

I wish I could give you advice or a formula for how I found this, but I think the truth is that everybody's different, every dynamic is different, and no two dating scenarios are the same.

Unexpected struggles. The author's journey with fertility challenges and pregnancy loss illustrates the often-overlooked difficulties many millennials face when trying to start a family. These experiences can drastically alter one's perspective on parenthood and personal identity.

Societal pressure. The expectations surrounding marriage and parenthood, both from society and internalized beliefs, can create additional stress and anxiety for those facing fertility issues. The author's openness about these struggles helps to destigmatize the topic and provide comfort to others in similar situations.

• Challenges in the journey to parenthood:
  • Fertility issues
  • Pregnancy loss
  • Societal expectations and pressure
  • Emotional and psychological toll
  • Navigating medical interventions (e.g., IVF)

7. Embracing authenticity over societal expectations leads to self-acceptance

I can intellectualize my response all I want, but the tough part is, my response is what I can't always control.

Unlearning internalized judgments. The author's journey toward self-acceptance involves recognizing and challenging internalized judgments about her interests and choices. This process of unlearning societal expectations is ongoing and requires constant self-reflection.

Finding value in personal interests. Embracing traditionally feminine or "basic" interests, such as pumpkin spice lattes or romantic comedies, becomes an act of self-acceptance and rebellion against societal judgments. The author's realization that these interests don't diminish her intelligence or worth is a powerful message for readers struggling with similar insecurities.

• Steps toward authenticity:
  • Recognizing internalized judgments
  • Challenging societal expectations
  • Embracing personal interests without shame
  • Cultivating self-acceptance
  • Supporting others in their journeys toward authenticity

Last updated: January 22, 2025