Practical Spirituality

1. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a spiritual practice rooted in compassionate giving

"It's really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life."

Spiritual foundation: NVC is not just a communication technique, but a way to manifest spirituality in daily life. It aims to connect people with their innate desire to contribute to others' well-being.

Compassionate giving: The core of NVC is the joy of giving freely, without expectation of reward or fear of punishment. This aligns with many religious and spiritual teachings that emphasize love and service.

Practical application: By focusing on clear expression of feelings and needs, and empathic listening, NVC helps people connect with the "Divine Energy" in themselves and others, leading to more compassionate and fulfilling relationships.

2. Connect with the Divine Energy in yourself and others through empathic listening

"I know Beloved Divine Energy by connecting with human beings in a certain way. I not only see Divine Energy, I taste Divine Energy, I feel Divine Energy, and I am Divine Energy."

Empathic presence: Truly listening to others without judgment or interruption allows us to connect with their humanity and divine essence.

Beyond words: Empathic listening involves more than just understanding the content of what someone is saying. It requires:

• Being fully present in the moment
• Focusing on the speaker's feelings and needs
• Connecting with their underlying humanity

Transformative power: This deep level of connection can transform conflicts, heal relationships, and create a sense of shared humanity, even between perceived enemies.

3. Express feelings and needs clearly without blame or criticism

"Expressing what's alive in us requires literacy on three levels."

Observation without evaluation: Describe specific actions or situations without mixing in judgments or interpretations.

Feeling literacy: Develop a rich vocabulary to accurately express emotions, distinguishing between true feelings and thoughts disguised as feelings.

Need literacy: Identify and articulate universal human needs without confusing them with specific strategies for meeting those needs.

Clear communication: By expressing these three elements (observations, feelings, and needs) without blame, we increase the likelihood of being heard and understood by others.

4. Make specific, positive requests instead of demands

"We do want to make clear assertive requests, but we want other people to know that these are requests and not demands."

Positive action language: Frame requests in terms of what you want, not what you don't want. Be specific about the desired action.

Willingness vs. coercion: A true request allows the other person to say no without fear of punishment or guilt. The difference between a request and a demand lies in how we respond when someone doesn't do what we've asked.

Clear intentions: When making a request, be clear about your desired outcome and the needs you're trying to meet. This clarity helps others understand and empathize with your position.

5. Cultivate gratitude and contribute to life as a spiritual practice

"To me, that is powerful evidence of our Divine Energy, that we have this power to make life so wonderful, and that there is nothing we like more."

Active spirituality: NVC emphasizes putting spiritual principles into action through compassionate giving and gratitude.

Joy in contribution: Recognizing and expressing gratitude for how our actions and those of others enrich life reinforces our connection to "Divine Energy."

Daily practice: Cultivate awareness of:

• How your actions contribute to others' well-being
• How others' actions meet your needs
• The joy that comes from this mutual giving and receiving

6. Overcome cultural conditioning that disconnects us from our compassionate nature

"We have been educated, according to the theologian Walter Wink, for about eight thousand years in a way that makes violence enjoyable, that gets us disconnected from our compassionate nature."

Recognizing conditioning: Our culture often teaches us to think in terms of right/wrong, good/bad, and deserving punishment or reward. This mindset can disconnect us from our innate compassion.

Language of life: NVC provides an alternative way of thinking and speaking that focuses on shared human needs and feelings rather than judgments and labels.

Conscious choice: By becoming aware of our cultural conditioning, we can choose to connect with our compassionate nature and relate to others in a more life-affirming way.

7. Apply NVC to resolve conflicts and create social change

"Nonviolent Communication in its purity is the most powerful, quickest way I've found to get people to go from life-alienated ways of thinking where they want to hurt each other, to enjoying giving to each other."

Conflict resolution: NVC has been successfully applied in various conflict situations, from personal relationships to international conflicts.

Steps for resolution:

1. Express observations, feelings, and needs without blame
2. Listen empathically to others' feelings and needs
3. Identify shared needs and generate strategies to meet them

Social change: By changing how we communicate and relate to others, NVC can contribute to larger societal shifts towards more compassionate and just systems.

8. Develop literacy in feelings and needs to enhance communication

"Just as it's difficult for many people to develop a literacy of feelings, it's also very difficult for them to develop a literacy of needs."

Feeling vocabulary: Expand your ability to identify and express nuanced emotions, distinguishing between actual feelings and interpretations or thoughts.

Universal needs: Recognize that all humans share the same basic needs (e.g., autonomy, connection, physical well-being) even though strategies for meeting them may differ.

Practice: Regularly check in with yourself to identify your feelings and needs. Use resources like feelings and needs lists to expand your vocabulary and awareness.

9. Use empathy to hear the beauty in others, regardless of their words

"I was glad I knew Nonviolent Communication that day. It enabled me to see the beauty behind that person's message, what was alive and human in him."

Beyond words: Look for the underlying feelings and needs behind what people say, even when their language is hostile or blaming.

Empathic guessing: When unsure, make your best guess about the other person's feelings and needs, allowing them to clarify if needed.

Transformative power: By consistently responding with empathy to the humanity behind others' words, we can de-escalate conflicts and create connections even in challenging situations.

Last updated: July 22, 2024