Funeral Closet Confessions

Maddie Sanderson, reeling from her beloved brother Josh's death, hides in a funeral home closet to escape the suffocating rituals and her influencer mother's performative grief. She's interrupted by Dominic Perry—her brother's best friend and the man who broke her heart years ago. Their awkward, barbed reunion is laced with unresolved pain and sarcasm. Maddie's world is upended when Dom reveals he's the executor of Josh's will, and that Josh has left behind a series of letters and a final request: Maddie and Dom must travel together to scatter Josh's ashes in eight states he never visited, following clues and opening letters at each destination. The task is both a burden and a lifeline, forcing Maddie to confront her grief, her family's dysfunction, and her complicated history with Dom.

Letters and Last Wishes

At the will reading, Maddie and Dom receive a joint letter from Josh, who, in his signature irreverent style, asks them to take his ashes on a cross-country adventure. Each state comes with a sealed envelope to be opened only at the destination. The journey is not just about honoring Josh's wanderlust, but about forcing Maddie and Dom—estranged by heartbreak and resentment—into close quarters. The letters are a mix of humor, wisdom, and emotional landmines, each one nudging them to confront their past, their pain, and the possibility of healing. The first stop, Delaware, sets the tone: awkward, raw, and unexpectedly cathartic, as they wade into the ocean to fulfill Josh's first wish.

Ashes and Awkwardness

Maddie and Dom's journey is fraught with tension. Their shared grief is complicated by old wounds—Maddie's sense of abandonment, Dom's stoic guilt, and the shadow of Josh's absence. Each state brings logistical challenges (dividing ashes, planning routes) and emotional ones (awkward motel stays, drunken confessions, and a disastrous kiss that leaves Maddie feeling more alone than ever). Maddie's anger and sarcasm mask her vulnerability, while Dom's attempts at control only highlight his own pain. The road trip becomes a crucible, burning away their defenses and exposing the raw truth of their connection.

Road Trip Resentments

As they travel, Maddie's relationships with her family and friends are tested. Her mother's narcissism and her grandmother's coldness are contrasted by the warmth of the Perry family and Maddie's chosen friends, Jeremy and Tula. Maddie's inability to cry for Josh becomes a source of shame, her grief manifesting as anger and withdrawal. Dom's divorce from Rosaline—once the perfect couple—adds another layer of complexity, as Maddie grapples with jealousy, insecurity, and the fear of being second best. The journey is as much about confronting these internal demons as it is about honoring Josh's wishes.

Tattoos and Truths

In Kansas, Josh's letter dares them to get tattoos. Maddie, who's always wanted one, chooses Josh's signature—"Love, Josh"—on her wrist, a permanent reminder of her brother's love. Dom, ever the rule-follower, gets a matching tattoo. The experience is both painful and bonding, a literal and figurative marking of their shared journey. The act of being inked together strips away another layer of their defenses, forcing them to acknowledge the depth of their loss and the possibility of something new between them.

Lavender Fields and Letting Go

In the lavender fields of Kansas, Maddie and Dom scatter more of Josh's ashes. The scent and color evoke memories of Rosaline, Dom's ex, and Maddie's lifelong sense of inadequacy. The act of letting go is both literal and symbolic—each handful of ashes a step toward acceptance, each state a chapter closed. Maddie's anger at Josh for leaving her, and at herself for not being enough, simmers beneath the surface, even as she begins to see Dom in a new light.

Ghost Town Grievances

In an Arizona ghost town, Josh's letter asks Maddie and Dom to share stories and regrets about him. The exercise is painful but healing, as they remember Josh's humor, flaws, and the ways he shaped their lives. The act of storytelling becomes a way to keep Josh alive, even as they acknowledge the finality of his absence. Maddie's anger gives way to laughter, and Dom's stoicism cracks, revealing the depth of his own grief and guilt.

Singing in the Badlands

The South Dakota Badlands push Maddie's body and spirit to the limit. Josh's letter requires Dom to sing as they hike, a task that is both ridiculous and unexpectedly intimate. Maddie's asthma flares, and Dom carries her, a gesture that is both practical and deeply symbolic. The physical challenge mirrors their emotional journey—painful, exhausting, but ultimately rewarding. At the summit, they scatter more ashes and take a photo, a snapshot of survival and stubborn hope.

Safe Combinations and Secrets

Maddie discovers that the combination to Dom's safe—where he keeps Josh's letters—is her birthday. The revelation is both confusing and telling, a sign that Dom has always held a piece of her close, even when they were estranged. The safe becomes a metaphor for the secrets and feelings they've both locked away. As they continue their journey, the question of what really happened between Dom, Rosaline, and Maddie lingers, threatening to derail any hope of reconciliation.

Kansas, Kisses, and Regrets

A drunken night in Kansas leads to a passionate but ill-timed kiss, reigniting Maddie's fear of being a consolation prize. Dom's confession that his marriage to Rosaline was a mistake, prompted by a pregnancy and not love, complicates Maddie's narrative of abandonment. The truth is messy—everyone made mistakes, everyone has regrets. The possibility of forgiveness, for themselves and each other, begins to glimmer on the horizon.

North Dakota Meltdown

When Dom misses his flight to North Dakota to help his ex-wife with a crisis, Maddie is left to scatter Josh's ashes alone. The sense of abandonment is overwhelming, triggering a panic attack and a torrent of rage at both Dom and Josh. The letter Josh left for this state is a turning point, forcing Dom to finally confess the full truth about his past, his feelings, and his mistakes. The confrontation is raw, painful, and necessary—a crucible that burns away the last of their illusions.

Therapy, Trust, and Truth

Maddie, shattered by grief and self-doubt, finally seeks therapy. She opens up to her friends, Jeremy and Tula, about her past, her pain, and her fear of being left behind. The process is slow and messy, but it marks the beginning of real healing. Dom, meanwhile, moves to Seattle, determined to prove that he's not going anywhere. The two circle each other warily, both wanting more but terrified of being hurt again. Trust, they learn, is built one day at a time.

Alaska: The Final Goodbye

The final destination is Alaska, a place of breathtaking beauty and unbearable loss. Josh's last letter is short and devastating: "This is the goodbye letter. I think you two were meant for each other. Don't give up on that. Love you both forever, Josh." Maddie is overwhelmed by grief, panic, and the fear of letting go. Dom holds her through a panic attack, reminding her that she doesn't have to say goodbye all at once, that healing is not linear, and that love—imperfect and persistent—is worth fighting for.

Puzzle Pieces of Grief

After Alaska, Maddie and Dom discover a final gift from Josh: a puzzle, left with a shopkeeper, that reveals a photograph of Josh and Rosaline together. The image is a reminder that grief is not just about loss, but about the memories and love that remain. Maddie seeks out Rosaline, and together they share stories, laughter, and tears, forging a new bond over their shared love for Josh. The act of puzzling becomes a metaphor for piecing together a life after loss.

Found Family Forged

Maddie's journey is not just about saying goodbye to Josh, but about building a new family from the people who remain. She reconciles with the Perry twins, deepens her friendships with Jeremy and Tula, and learns to set boundaries with her toxic mother. The process is messy and imperfect, but it is real. Maddie learns that family is not just blood, but the people who choose to stay, who show up, and who love her despite her flaws.

Love, Loss, and Letters

The journey ends not with a grand gesture, but with small acts of courage: sharing grief, asking for help, and choosing to love again. Maddie and Dom, both scarred by loss and mistakes, decide to try—one day at a time. They honor Josh not by clinging to the past, but by living fully in the present, embracing the messiness of love and the inevitability of loss. The final act of scattering Josh's ashes is not an ending, but a beginning—a promise to keep living, loving, and remembering.

Second Chances and Staying

Dom proves his love not with words, but with actions—moving to Seattle, waiting patiently, and showing up for Maddie even when she pushes him away. Maddie, in turn, learns to trust again, to believe that she is worth loving, and to accept that healing is a process, not a destination. Their relationship is not perfect, but it is real, built on honesty, vulnerability, and the willingness to try again after failure.

Healing, Hope, and Home

Years later, Maddie and Dom have built a life together, surrounded by friends and found family. They revisit the places where they scattered Josh's ashes, bringing others along to share in the memories and the healing. The journey that began in grief ends in hope—a testament to the power of love, the importance of chosen family, and the enduring impact of a brother's final wish.

Characters

Maddie Sanderson

Maddie is defined by her sharp wit, deep loyalty, and profound grief. Scarred by a childhood of neglect and abandonment, she clings to her brother Josh as her anchor. His death leaves her adrift, angry, and unable to cry. Her journey is one of reluctant healing—forced out of her comfort zone by Josh's last wish, she confronts her pain, her fear of intimacy, and her complicated history with Dom. Maddie's arc is about learning to trust, to accept love, and to build a family from the people who choose to stay. Her psychological complexity—her anger, her humor, her vulnerability—makes her a deeply relatable and compelling protagonist.

Dominic Perry

Dom is the archetype of the responsible eldest child—burdened by duty, haunted by regret, and desperate to fix what cannot be fixed. His love for Josh and Maddie is deep but often unspoken, masked by control and emotional reserve. Dom's past mistakes—marrying Rosaline out of obligation, abandoning Maddie—fuel his determination to do better, even as he struggles to express his feelings. His arc is about learning to let go of control, to be vulnerable, and to choose love over duty. Dom's persistence, patience, and willingness to stay make him a quietly heroic figure.

Josh Sanderson

Josh is the catalyst for everything—a larger-than-life presence whose humor, warmth, and wanderlust shape the lives of everyone around him. Even in death, he orchestrates healing and connection through his letters and final wishes. Josh's legacy is not just the journey he sends Maddie and Dom on, but the lessons he imparts about living fully, loving bravely, and letting go. His absence is a constant ache, but his love endures in every memory, every letter, and every act of forgiveness.

Rosaline

Rosaline is the embodiment of grace, intelligence, and kindness—everything Maddie feels she is not. Her history with both Dom and Josh is complicated, marked by love, loss, and regret. Rosaline's arc is about choosing happiness over safety, embracing vulnerability, and forging new connections in the wake of grief. Her relationship with Maddie evolves from rivalry to solidarity, united by their shared love for Josh.

Cecilia Sanderson

Cecilia is a master of performative grief and emotional manipulation, more concerned with her online image than her children's well-being. Her neglect and cruelty are the source of much of Maddie's insecurity and fear of abandonment. Cecilia's arc is a cautionary tale—the dangers of seeking validation from the wrong places, and the importance of setting boundaries with toxic family.

Adam Perry

Adam is exuberant, loyal, and unfiltered—a source of levity and warmth. His relationship with Maddie is playful and affectionate, a reminder that family can be chosen as well as inherited. Adam's support helps Maddie reconnect with the Perrys and embrace the possibility of belonging.

Carter Perry

Carter is the introspective twin, more reserved but deeply empathetic. His struggles with dyslexia and his journey toward self-acceptance mirror Maddie's own battles with insecurity. Carter's presence is a steadying force, offering quiet support and understanding.

Jeremy

Jeremy is the embodiment of unconditional friendship—funny, supportive, and fiercely loyal. His history with Maddie is complicated by their failed romance, but their bond endures. Jeremy's willingness to call Maddie out, to show up for her, and to forgive her mistakes is a model of healthy, chosen family.

Tula

Tula is practical, compassionate, and unafraid to challenge Maddie's self-destructive tendencies. Her insistence on work-life balance, therapy, and honest communication is instrumental in Maddie's healing. Tula's friendship is a reminder that love is not just romantic, but found in the people who refuse to give up on us.

Florence

Florence is cold, critical, and emotionally distant—a product and perpetuator of the family's dysfunction. Her presence in Maddie's life is a source of pain, but also a contrast to the warmth and acceptance Maddie finds in her chosen family.

Plot Devices

Posthumous Letters and Scavenger Hunt

Josh's letters are the central plot device, structuring the narrative as a cross-country scavenger hunt. Each letter is both a clue and a challenge, forcing Maddie and Dom to confront their grief, their history, and their feelings for each other. The letters serve as a form of posthumous therapy, guiding the characters through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The structure allows for episodic storytelling, with each state representing a new emotional hurdle and a step toward healing.

Dual Protagonist Perspective

While the story is primarily told from Maddie's point of view, Dom's internal struggles are revealed through dialogue, letters, and key confessions. The interplay between their perspectives creates dramatic irony, tension, and ultimately, catharsis. Their alternating vulnerability and defensiveness drive the emotional arc, making their eventual reconciliation feel earned and authentic.

Symbolism of Ashes, Tattoos, and Puzzles

Josh's ashes are both a literal and symbolic burden—carried, divided, and scattered as Maddie and Dom process their loss. The tattoos they get in Kansas are permanent reminders of love and pain, marking their bodies as their hearts are marked by grief. The final puzzle, left by Josh, is a metaphor for the process of piecing together a life after loss—fragmented, challenging, but ultimately beautiful.

Found Family and Chosen Community

The contrast between Maddie's toxic biological family and her supportive chosen family is a recurring motif. Friends, the Perry brothers, and even Rosaline become Maddie's true support system, illustrating the theme that family is not just blood, but the people who choose to stay. This device reinforces the message that healing is a communal act, not a solitary one.

Therapy and Self-Reflection

Maddie's journey includes seeking therapy, opening up to friends, and learning to set boundaries. The narrative structure incorporates these elements as both plot and character development, showing that healing is not linear and that professional help is a valid and necessary part of recovery. The story avoids easy resolutions, instead embracing the messiness and ongoing nature of grief and growth.

Analysis

PS: I Hate You is a raw, contemporary romance that uses the framework of a posthumous scavenger hunt to explore the complexities of grief, love, and healing. Lauren Connolly's novel is as much about the pain of loss as it is about the courage to keep living and loving in the aftermath. The book's greatest strength lies in its unflinching portrayal of messy, imperfect people—Maddie's anger, Dom's guilt, and the tangled web of family and friendship that both wounds and heals. The narrative structure—anchored by Josh's letters—serves as both a literal journey and a metaphorical one, guiding the characters (and readers) through the stages of grief and the possibility of second chances. The story's modern sensibility is evident in its frank discussions of therapy, boundaries, and chosen family, making it deeply resonant for contemporary readers. Ultimately, the novel's message is one of hope: that love, though risky and often painful, is worth fighting for; that family can be found as well as inherited; and that healing is not about forgetting, but about carrying our losses forward with us, piece by piece, as we build a new life.

Last updated: July 29, 2025