Real Life

1. Journey from constriction to expansion: The path to real life

"Real Life is about what happens when we fully engage with our everyday lives, whatever shape our lives take, whatever challenges and obstacles that life may bring."

Constriction vs. expansion. Constriction refers to feeling trapped, limited, or defined by circumstances, while expansion involves feeling connected to a bigger world, seeing options, and having more perspective. This journey is about moving from narrow straits of seeing few options to a sense of openness and possibility.

The power of mindfulness. By cultivating mindful awareness, we can create space around our experiences, allowing us to respond with greater freedom and creativity. This practice helps us recognize our habitual reactions and choose more skillful responses.

Embracing change. The journey to real life involves acknowledging that life is constantly changing. By accepting this truth, we can learn to move with the flow of life rather than resisting it, finding greater ease and freedom in the process.

2. Recognize and transform limiting patterns of grasping, aversion, and delusion

"Grasping, aversion, and delusion are called hindrances because if we're immersed in them, they hinder our ability to live fully, to spend a day in appreciation of what is, to respond to circumstances with resonance and depth."

Understanding the hindrances:

• Grasping: Clinging to experiences, objects, or people as a futile attempt to resist change
• Aversion: Striking out against what is happening, trying to separate from it
• Delusion: Resistance to seeing things as they truly are, often manifesting as numbness or rigid viewpoints

Transforming patterns. By recognizing these patterns, we can begin to work with them rather than being controlled by them. This involves cultivating awareness of our reactions and learning to create space around them.

Cultivating alternatives. As we become more aware of these patterns, we can cultivate their opposites:

• Instead of grasping: Cultivate contentment and appreciation for what is
• Instead of aversion: Develop compassion and acceptance
• Instead of delusion: Foster clarity and wisdom

3. Cultivate presence and compassion to navigate difficult emotions

"We move from constriction to expansion not by demanding that a painful emotion just simply disappear, or by straining to change its nature, but by surrounding it with spaciousness—a spaciousness infused with kindness."

Creating space around emotions. Rather than trying to suppress or change difficult emotions, we can learn to create a spacious, kind environment around them. This allows us to experience emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

RAIN practice. The RAIN technique can be helpful in working with difficult emotions:

• R: Recognize what is happening
• A: Allow the experience to be there
• I: Investigate with kindness
• N: Non-identify (or Nurture with self-compassion)

Expanding the window of tolerance. By working with our emotions in this way, we can gradually expand our capacity to hold emotional experiences without becoming dysregulated. This leads to greater resilience and emotional flexibility.

4. Harness the power of inner light and self-respect

"Tejas is brightness, a potent and alive energy, a strength and power of luminosity. As we uncover it, tejas drives us toward life, openness, and renewal."

Recognizing inner light. We all have an innate capacity for radiance and aliveness, which can be obscured by layers of fear, craving, and confusion. By reconnecting with this inner light, we tap into a source of strength and renewal.

Cultivating self-respect. True self-respect is not about comparing ourselves to others or seeking external validation. It comes from recognizing our inherent worth and capacity for goodness.

Practices for nurturing inner light:

• Regular meditation or reflective practices
• Engaging in activities that bring us joy and vitality
• Surrounding ourselves with supportive, uplifting people
• Celebrating our efforts and accomplishments, no matter how small

5. Build resilience through mindful engagement with challenging circumstances

"Resilience is also more than being able to maintain what we cling to for security, as environmental scientist Dekila Chungyalpa points out."

Redefining resilience. True resilience is not about rigidly holding onto what we think keeps us safe, but about developing the flexibility to adapt and grow through challenges.

Mindful engagement with difficulty. Instead of avoiding or resisting challenging circumstances, we can learn to engage with them mindfully. This involves:

• Acknowledging the difficulty without getting lost in it
• Cultivating a broader perspective that includes both challenges and resources
• Practicing self-compassion and kindness throughout the process

Learning and growth. By approaching difficulties with openness and curiosity, we can discover new strengths, insights, and capacities within ourselves. This process of growth through adversity is often called "post-traumatic growth."

6. Nurture awe, gratitude, and connection for a more expansive daily life

"Awe is the great leveler.… Our practice of awe empties a room, and suddenly there is space for expansive compassion."

The power of awe. Experiencing awe can shift our perspective, helping us feel more connected to something larger than ourselves. This can lead to greater compassion, creativity, and openness.

Cultivating gratitude. Regular gratitude practices can help us recognize the good in our lives, even amidst challenges. This can lead to greater resilience, generosity, and overall well-being.

Daily practices for expansiveness:

• Take time to notice and appreciate beauty in everyday moments
• Practice "Yes, and..." thinking to embrace complexity and ambivalence
• Engage in acts of kindness or service to others
• Cultivate curiosity about your experiences and the world around you

7. Embrace interconnectedness and the power of caring for one another

"In the Wood Wide Web, each individual tree is a node, while older trees, often larger and taller, are hubs, where lots of information and connection happen."

Understanding interconnection. Like trees in a forest connected through underground fungal networks, we are all deeply interconnected with each other and the world around us.

The power of caring. When we recognize our interconnectedness, we naturally feel more inclined to care for others. This care not only benefits those we help but also enhances our own well-being and sense of meaning.

Practices for fostering connection:

• Engage in loving-kindness meditation
• Look for opportunities to help others, even in small ways
• Cultivate empathy by imagining others' perspectives
• Participate in community or volunteer activities

8. Develop clarity to see the truth of change and break free from limiting molds

"We emerge into that very delicate place in between where everything arises, yet has no substance. The world is shimmering, it's translucent, it's all happening; yet everything is insubstantial, fleeting, evanescent."

Embracing impermanence. Recognizing the ever-changing nature of reality can free us from the suffering that comes from trying to hold onto things that inevitably change.

Breaking free from conditioning. As we develop clarity, we can see how we've been conditioned by past experiences and societal expectations. This awareness allows us to make more conscious choices about how we want to live.

Practices for cultivating clarity:

• Regular meditation or mindfulness practice
• Journaling or reflective writing
• Seeking diverse perspectives and challenging our assumptions
• Engaging in creative activities that help us see things in new ways

9. Cultivate aspiration as a guiding force for meaningful living

"Aspiration is bigger than realizing a specific, narrow hope or dream and vanquishing fears around it. It's a broad vision of meaning in one's life, a North Star by which to navigate, a guide to returning when you've felt lost."

Defining aspiration. Aspiration goes beyond specific goals or bucket list items. It's a broader vision of what gives our life meaning and direction.

Living with aspiration. When we have a clear aspiration, it can guide our choices and actions in daily life, helping us navigate challenges and stay true to what matters most to us.

Practices for cultivating aspiration:

• Reflect on what gives your life meaning and purpose
• Write a personal mission statement or set of guiding values
• Regularly check in with your aspiration and how your actions align with it
• Share your aspiration with others who can support and encourage you

Last updated: August 30, 2024