Sacred Sex

1. Sex is a sacred, holy act designed by God for married couples

Sex is holy. It was created by God and given to His children to cherish and protect.

God's gift. Sex is not just a physical act, but a spiritual experience designed by God to create and celebrate oneness between a husband and wife. It represents the intimate relationship between Christ and the church. Within marriage, sex is meant to be a form of worship that invites God's presence.

Sacred purpose. The primary purpose of sex is unification, not just procreation or recreation. It bonds a couple physically, emotionally, and spiritually in a way that reflects God's image. This holy union is meant to be exclusive and permanent within marriage.

Honoring design. Couples can experience the full beauty and joy of sex by approaching it as God intended - as a sacred celebration of love and commitment. This perspective transforms sex from a potentially selfish act into a profound spiritual connection.

2. True sexual fulfillment comes from oneness, not just orgasm

Whenever we make orgasm the goal of sex, we will fail to experience godly sex. In other words, the "Big O" of sex is not orgasm; it's oneness.

Beyond pleasure. While orgasm is part of God's design, focusing solely on physical pleasure leads to diminishing returns and unfulfillment. True satisfaction comes from the emotional and spiritual intimacy of becoming "one flesh" with your spouse.

Unity focus. Couples should prioritize connection, vulnerability, and serving each other's needs over individual gratification. This creates a positive cycle where greater oneness leads to better sex, which in turn deepens oneness.

Holy experience. When approached as a sacred act, sex becomes a powerful way to worship God and experience His presence together. This transcendent aspect of marital intimacy is what sets it apart from casual encounters or self-gratification.

3. Accepting your spouse fully is key to sexual freedom and intimacy

To be naked and completely unashamed means to stand before your mate and say, "Here's my body. Here are my emotions. Here are my thoughts about God. Here is my history with all of my hopes, my fears, my dreams, my failures. I stand here naked—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Here are all the things that I've tried to keep hidden. But standing before you, I feel loved, accepted, and cherished."

Overcoming shame. Many couples struggle with insecurity and shame around their bodies or sexual desires. Unconditional acceptance from your spouse creates an atmosphere of safety where true intimacy can flourish.

Choosing love. Acceptance is an active choice, not just a feeling. It involves seeing your spouse as God's perfect provision for you, cherishing them exactly as they are. This grace-filled perspective mirrors God's love for us.

Open communication. Couples should create a safe space to discuss sexual preferences, concerns, and boundaries without judgment. Being vulnerable about needs and insecurities deepens intimacy and allows for growth together.

4. All aspects of marriage affect sexual intimacy (meta-sex)

Meta-sex involves viewing your sexual relationship in the context of the rest of your life. Your love life isn't a periodic, isolated event that stands apart from your work, your parenting, your finances, or even your in-laws.

Holistic approach. Every interaction and aspect of married life influences sexual intimacy. Financial stress, parenting challenges, or unresolved conflicts all impact a couple's ability to connect sexually.

Building anticipation. Creating an atmosphere of love, respect, and emotional closeness throughout daily life naturally leads to greater sexual desire and fulfillment.

• Prioritize quality time together
• Show affection and appreciation regularly
• Address conflicts promptly and lovingly
• Support each other's goals and dreams

Intentional unity. Couples should adopt a "coupling" mindset, considering how decisions and actions affect their relationship. This fosters unity and sets the stage for passionate intimacy.

5. Men and women have different sexual needs that must be understood

Husbands and wives know intuitively that sex is much more than simply an act of physical release. When we view sex as a sacred act, a holy place in God's presence, marital sex takes on a profound nature.

Complementary design. God created men and women with distinct sexual needs and responses. Understanding and embracing these differences leads to greater mutual satisfaction.

• Men tend to be more visually stimulated
• Women often need emotional connection for arousal
• Men may equate sex with feeling loved
• Women may need to feel loved to desire sex

Serving each other. Both spouses should learn to meet their partner's needs, even when different from their own. This requires communication, patience, and a willingness to grow.

Overcoming stereotypes. While general tendencies exist, couples should avoid rigid gender assumptions. Each person is unique and may not fit cultural norms around sexuality.

6. Cultural beauty standards distort God's design for sexuality

Beauty is not an absolute concept. The looks we worship today will be vilified in a few years as they give way to yet another "new look."

False idols. Our culture's obsession with physical perfection distorts God's view of beauty and sexuality. This leads to insecurity, comparison, and a focus on external appearance rather than character.

Divine perspective. God values inner beauty - a gentle and quiet spirit - over outward adornment. Couples should affirm each other's worth based on godly qualities, not cultural standards.

Freedom from comparison. Rejecting unrealistic beauty ideals allows couples to fully enjoy and appreciate each other's bodies as God's good creation. This leads to greater sexual confidence and intimacy.

7. Healing from sexual brokenness is possible through God's grace

Through the cross of Christ, you and your mate can live in purity and joy. You can experience the mystery of being naked and unashamed. Together, you can return to the garden by celebrating the true presence of God through the gift of oneness.

Redemptive power. Past sexual trauma, addiction, or sin does not disqualify anyone from experiencing God's design for sexuality. Christ's sacrifice offers complete healing and restoration.

Practical steps. Overcoming sexual brokenness often requires:

• Professional Christian counseling
• Accountability partnerships
• Open communication with your spouse
• Renewing your mind with God's truth
• Establishing healthy boundaries

New identity. Embracing your identity in Christ as forgiven and pure allows for a fresh start in marital intimacy. God's grace empowers couples to build a fulfilling sex life based on His design.

8. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract, sealed through sexual union

A covenant is an agreement made by choice, it's an agreement made by commitment, and it's an agreement that is in no way dependent upon what the other party does.

Unconditional commitment. Unlike a contract with conditional terms, marriage is a covenant - a solemn vow before God to love and cherish your spouse regardless of their actions or shortcomings.

Divine partnership. God is actively involved in establishing and sustaining the marriage covenant. Sexual intimacy serves as the "oath sign" that seals this sacred agreement.

Renewed bonds. Each time a couple engages in sexual intimacy, they reaffirm their covenant vows. This perspective elevates sex from a mere physical act to a profound spiritual recommitment.

Last updated: April 20, 2025