Self to Lose - Self to Find

1. Our Core Dilemma: The Tale of Two Selves

This is our tale of two selves.

Internal conflict. We often feel a perplexing internal conflict, wanting to do good but doing what we hate, as described by the apostle Paul. This isn't just inconsistency; it's like two distinct identities coexist within us. This fundamental human dilemma is the "tale of two selves."

Two ways of being. Spiritual teachers identify these as the "false self" and the "true self," or as the author terms them, the Adapted Self and the Authentic Self. The Adapted Self is the persona we develop to survive and get our needs met in the world, while the Authentic Self is our original, God-given identity.

Self to lose, self to find. Jesus speaks of this dilemma, inviting us to deny a self to save our "very self." Understanding the difference between the self we need to let go of and the self we are meant to discover is crucial for spiritual growth and experiencing wholeness in Christ.

2. Jesus' Path: Lose the False Self, Find the True Self

Jesus invites us to let go of one self in order to live into our true, God-gifted self.

The core invitation. Jesus' call to discipleship involves three challenging invitations: deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow Him. These aren't about deprivation but about disowning the self that God didn't create – our Adapted Self.

Disowning the pretend self. To "deny yourself" means to renounce or disown the self we've fabricated, the one based on egocentric desires and survival strategies. It's the self God doesn't "know" in the sense of recognizing a relationship with what He didn't create.

Crucifying the old self. Taking up our cross daily means counting our old, self-centered self as dead with Christ. This allows our new, Authentic Self, alive to God, to emerge. Following Jesus means adopting His attitude of self-emptying, letting go of grasping, and trusting that losing this false self leads to finding our true, abundant life in Him.

3. The Enneagram: A Microscope for Inner Life

If we allow the knowledge offered by the Enneagram to help us know ourselves more clearly, it becomes like a microscope on our inner life...

Tool for self-awareness. The Enneagram is a personality system that goes beyond surface behaviors to reveal subconscious motivations, fears, and ingrained patterns. It acts as a microscope, showing us both our inherent gifts ("wows") and our struggles ("eews").

Revealing the two selves. This tool helps us discern the difference between our Adapted Self (protective persona) and our Authentic Self (God-given image). It illuminates how our distorted beliefs and ingrained strategies hinder the full expression of who God designed us to become.

Path to freedom. By honestly observing ourselves through the Enneagram lens, we gain clarity on our inner workings. This self-knowledge is not just for understanding but for transformation, leading to:

• Comfort in being known
• Compassion for ourselves and others
• Confession of our self-reliance
• Consent to God's transforming work

4. The Adapted Self: Our Protective Persona

Our old self, or false self, develops out of our need to adapt, adjust, and accommodate to the world in which we live.

Survival strategies. The Adapted Self is like a seed coat, a protective covering developed in childhood to shield our vulnerable hearts and ensure our basic needs (security, power, esteem) are met. These strategies are initially helpful but become problematic when we rely on them for our identity.

Distorted beliefs. Early experiences, even in the best conditions, lead to perceptions of lack or wounding. We form distorted beliefs about ourselves and the world, such as:

• "I am not worthy if I'm not perfect" (Type 1)
• "I am loved if I care for others selflessly" (Type 2)
• "I am what I do" (Type 3)
• "Something is deeply wrong with me" (Type 4)
• "I must be self-sufficient to survive" (Type 5)
• "I must do my duty to be secure" (Type 6)
• "Happiness comes from external experiences" (Type 7)
• "I must stay strong to avoid being hurt" (Type 8)
• "I must go along to get along" (Type 9)

Self-centered living. Clinging to the Adapted Self results in self-centeredness, self-reliance, and self-protection. It's an illusory shell that keeps us bound by habitual thoughts, feelings, and actions, preventing us from living the full life God intended.

5. The Authentic Self: Our God-Given Design

Your godlikeness is the path to your greatest fulfillment.

Created in God's image. Our Authentic Self is the true self, created in the image of God, imprinted with unique godlike characteristics. We are designed to reflect facets of God's divine nature in a way only we can.

Unique and eternal. This true self is unique, eternal, and hidden with Christ in God. It is the only self that supports true authenticity and provides an identity that is not dependent on external circumstances or performance.

Union with God. The purpose of the Christian life is a life of loving union with God at the depths of our being, where our Authentic Self resides. Finding this true self is finding God, and finding God is finding our true self. It is the source of our greatest pleasure and wholeness.

6. The Nine Types: Unique Reflections of God & Specific Struggles

Each type reflects God’s attributes and also exhibits “signature sins,” to borrow a phrase from Michael Mangis’s book of the same title.

Nine distinct patterns. The Enneagram describes nine distinct personality patterns, each representing a core striving, distorted belief, primary fear, area of avoidance, focus of attention, and root sin (or vice). These patterns illuminate the specific ways our Adapted Self operates.

Divine gifts and human struggles. Each type embodies a divine gift (e.g., Type 1 reflects God's goodness, Type 2 reflects God's love, Type 8 reflects God's power) but struggles with a corresponding root sin (e.g., Type 1's resentment, Type 2's pride, Type 8's lust/shamelessness). This shows how our inherent strengths can become distorted.

Understanding the "why". The Enneagram helps us understand the underlying motivations and internal suffering behind our behaviors. It clarifies why we get stuck in certain ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, specific to our type.

7. Enneagram Structure: Deeper Layers of Personality

The fluidity of these elements gives a dynamic flow, rather than a static state, to the value of the Enneagram.

Beyond the core type. The Enneagram is more dynamic than just nine boxes. Additional components provide deeper insight into our personality structure and how we interact with the world.

Key structural elements:

• Centers of Intelligence: We primarily operate from our Gut (8, 9, 1), Heart (2, 3, 4), or Head (5, 6, 7) center, reflecting our dominant way of processing information and reacting.
• Social Styles: We tend to move away (4, 5, 9), against (3, 7, 8), or with (1, 2, 6) others when managing social discomfort.
• Arrows: Points of stress (disintegration) and security (integration) show how we behave under pressure and when relaxed, revealing paths for growth.
• Wings: The types on either side influence our core type, adding nuance and dimension to our personality expression.
• Subtypes: Our dominant survival instinct (Self-Preservation, Social, One-to-One) further colors how our core type is expressed.

Dynamic understanding. These elements show that our personality is a complex combination, not a static definition. Understanding them helps us see the dynamic interplay of different aspects of ourselves.

8. Transformation: Moving from Compulsion to Freedom

The ultimate desired outcome...is freedom—freedom to love God, love yourself, and love others.

The goal of the journey. The purpose of exploring the Enneagram within a spiritual context is not just self-knowledge but transformation. It's about moving from the bondage of the Adapted Self to the freedom of the Authentic Self.

Letting go to gain. This transformation involves letting go of our compulsive patterns, distorted beliefs, and self-protective strategies. As we release the grip of the Adapted Self, we create space for God's Spirit to work within us.

Emergence of true self. The result is the emergence of our Authentic Self, allowing us to:

• Experience more peace, joy, and wholeness.
• Express our unique God-given gifts.
• Live fully and love deeply.

God's work. This is not a self-improvement project but a surrender to God's transforming presence. As we are drawn toward the center of our union with God, we are changed from the inside out.

9. God's Invitation: Love as the Catalyst for Change

We are called to taste and to touch the embrace of God.

Foundation of transformation. The spiritual journey begins and ends with God's initiative and love. Our transformation is rooted in receiving God's unconditional love, which is the fertile soil for our Authentic Self to grow.

Personal invitations. God extends personal invitations to each Enneagram type, addressing their specific struggles and fears. These invitations call us to:

• Be free from our core strivings and distorted beliefs.
• Release our burdens and fears.
• Accept God's grace and sufficiency.
• Reclaim our true selves as reflections of God's attributes.

Consent is key. Our part in this journey is to respond in faith and consent to God's work. This means saying yes to God's invitation to loving encounter and allowing His love to penetrate the layers of our Adapted Self.

Receiving God's love. Receiving God's love is our primary spiritual responsibility. Only when we genuinely receive this love can our true self be called out and empowered to live and love authentically.

10. The OWN-UP Process: A Practical Guide to Transformation

The process of letting go of our seed coat and allowing space for our true self to grow involves an internal shift that is usually quite subtle yet powerful.

Adjusting internal gears. Moving from the reactive Adapted Self to the receptive Authentic Self requires intentionality and self-awareness. The OWN-UP process provides a practical framework for this internal shift, like adjusting gears on a bike for a smoother ride.

The five steps:

• Observe: Gently notice your thoughts, feelings, actions, and body sensations in a triggering situation. Wake up your Inner Observer.
• Welcome: Openly receive these observations and invite God to be present with you in your experience, without judgment.
• Name: Identify what is underneath your reactions, connecting them to your Enneagram type's core patterns, distorted beliefs, and both "wows" and "eews."
• Untangle: Recognize what is holding you captive (compulsions, fears, lies) and consciously disown the power of the Adapted Self.
• Possess: Quiet the false self's narrative and claim the truth of your Authentic Self, rooted in God's love and design, living from that centered place.

Ongoing practice. OWN-UP is not a linear formula but a dynamic practice for everyday life. It helps us discern the two selves, respond to Jesus' invitations, and create space for God's transforming work, leading to greater freedom and fruitfulness.

Last updated: May 28, 2025