Solitude

1. Solitude is a vital resource threatened by constant connectivity

We have learned to harvest the solitude of others.

Connectivity as the new norm. In today's hyperconnected world, we are rarely truly alone. The average smartphone user checks their device 150 times per day, and 80% do so within 15 minutes of waking up. This constant connectivity has become so pervasive that many struggle to be alone with their thoughts for even short periods.

Benefits of solitude. Despite this trend, solitude remains crucial for mental health and personal growth. It allows for:

• Self-reflection and introspection
• Creativity and problem-solving
• Emotional regulation
• Recovery from social stressors

Protecting solitude. As with natural resources, we must actively preserve opportunities for solitude in our lives. This may involve setting boundaries around technology use, creating dedicated alone time, and valuing moments of quiet reflection amidst our busy lives.

2. The wandering mind unlocks creativity and self-understanding

Daydreaming is an inherently creative process, she says, because the daydreamer is open to bizarre new options.

The power of mind-wandering. When our minds are allowed to wander freely, we access a unique mental state that fosters creativity, problem-solving, and self-discovery. This "default mode network" of the brain is suppressed during focused tasks but becomes active during periods of rest and reflection.

Benefits of daydreaming:

• Generation of novel ideas and connections
• Enhanced problem-solving abilities
• Improved self-awareness and emotional processing
• Memory consolidation and learning

Cultivating mind-wandering. To harness these benefits, we must create space for unstructured thinking in our lives. This can involve:

• Taking regular breaks from focused work
• Engaging in activities that don't require constant attention (e.g., walking, showering)
• Practicing mindfulness to become aware of our thoughts without judgment
• Limiting distractions that prevent natural mind-wandering

3. Personal style and individuality require time alone

To be truly stylish (as opposed to merely "in style," which is the opposite) is to be unabashedly one's self, without reference to the fashions and demands of a sweltering crowd.

Developing authentic self-expression. True personal style emerges from periods of solitude and self-reflection. It's in these moments that we can explore our genuine preferences, values, and ways of being without the immediate influence of others.

The pressure to conform. Modern society, especially through social media, often pushes us towards conformity and homogenization. We're constantly bombarded with images of how we "should" look, act, and think. This makes it challenging to develop and maintain a unique personal style.

Reclaiming individuality. To cultivate authentic self-expression:

• Regularly disconnect from social media and external influences
• Engage in solitary activities that bring you joy
• Reflect on your core values and preferences
• Practice expressing yourself without fear of judgment
• Embrace quirks and characteristics that make you unique

4. Social media and technology reshape our relationship with solitude

To a media baron hunting for short-term profits, a daydreaming mind must look like an awful waste.

The attention economy. Social media platforms and technology companies profit from capturing and maintaining our attention. This creates a strong incentive to fill every moment of potential solitude with content, notifications, and interactions.

Impacts on solitude:

• Reduced tolerance for boredom and quiet moments
• Increased difficulty in sustaining focus and deep thought
• FOMO (fear of missing out) driving constant connectivity
• Erosion of boundaries between public and private life

Mindful technology use. To preserve solitude in the digital age:

• Set specific times for checking devices and social media
• Create tech-free zones in your home and life
• Practice digital detoxes or regular unplugged periods
• Curate your digital environment to minimize distractions
• Use technology intentionally to enhance, not replace, real-world experiences

5. Nature and wilderness provide essential solitary experiences

Nature's benefits may still be given short shrift, though, because the online platforms that manage and guide so much of our lives do not benefit from promoting access to wilderness.

The healing power of nature. Spending time alone in natural settings offers unique benefits for mental and physical well-being. Research shows that time in nature can:

• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Improve attention and cognitive function
• Boost mood and self-esteem
• Enhance creativity and problem-solving abilities

Disconnecting to reconnect. Natural environments provide a powerful counterpoint to our technology-saturated lives. They offer opportunities for genuine solitude, free from the constant pings and notifications of modern life.

Cultivating a nature practice:

• Schedule regular time outdoors, even if brief
• Seek out local parks, gardens, or wilderness areas
• Practice mindfulness while in nature to deepen the experience
• Consider longer wilderness retreats or solo camping trips
• Bring elements of nature into your daily environment (e.g., plants, nature sounds)

6. Love letters foster deep connections through thoughtful solitude

Letters demand slower, more thoughtful work; they engage our entire hands and not just our fingertips; they make our confessions precious by withholding them in a silent interval between composition and delivery.

The power of written correspondence. In contrast to instant messaging and social media interactions, love letters require time, reflection, and careful composition. This process allows for deeper emotional exploration and more authentic self-expression.

Benefits of love letters:

• Encourage introspection and self-understanding
• Foster empathy by imagining the recipient's perspective
• Create a tangible record of a relationship's evolution
• Allow for more nuanced and thoughtful communication

Reviving the art of letter-writing. In our fast-paced digital world, taking the time to write a physical letter can be a powerful act of connection:

• Set aside dedicated time for letter-writing
• Choose meaningful stationery or cards
• Focus on expressing genuine thoughts and feelings
• Embrace the anticipation of a response
• Consider keeping copies or a journal of your correspondence

7. Embracing solitude leads to greater empathy and self-awareness

When we take the time to write long letters to those we care about, we uncover a part of them that was not revealed before, not at dinner parties, nor cafés, nor even lying together in rumpled sheets.

Solitude as a path to connection. Paradoxically, spending time alone can enhance our ability to connect with others. By developing a deeper understanding of ourselves, we become better equipped to empathize with and relate to those around us.

Benefits of solitary reflection:

• Increased emotional intelligence
• Enhanced ability to regulate emotions
• Greater clarity about personal values and beliefs
• Improved capacity for deep listening and presence with others

Cultivating empathy through solitude:

• Practice regular self-reflection through journaling or meditation
• Engage in solo creative pursuits to explore your inner world
• Use solitary time to process social interactions and relationships
• Read widely to expose yourself to diverse perspectives
• Challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone when alone

Last updated: January 25, 2025