Solo

1. Solo Adventures Forge Self-Reliance and Redefine Loneliness

I felt a lot less lonely being by myself and ticking off a route I’d been excluded from than if I’d gone with a group where I wasn’t welcome.

Strategic homelessness enabled deep immersion. The author chose a life of strategic homelessness, living out of a pack and working remotely, to maximize time in the New Zealand wilderness. This allowed frequent weekend and even weekday trips into the hills, contrasting sharply with a conventional urban life. The motivation was partly inspired by a friend's unrealized dreams before his death, emphasizing the urgency of living fully.

Solitude became a source of strength. Initially, solo tramping was a response to not finding companions for desired trips, even spurred by a friend's doubt about the author's capability. Over time, being alone in the wilderness transformed from a potential fear into a preferred state, offering quiet and soothing experiences that contrasted with the noise and potential judgment of group dynamics. This solitude fostered a profound sense of self-reliance and capability.

Loneliness is distinct from being alone. The author discovered that loneliness was not simply the absence of others, but a feeling that could be more acute when surrounded by people yet feeling excluded or misunderstood. Solo adventures, while physically solitary, often felt less lonely than being in groups where the author felt "othered" or where her experiences were invalidated, highlighting the value of quality connection over mere presence.

2. Gender Bias Persists, But Women Build Their Own Support

We’re socialised to see women as less capable, less knowledgeable, and unable to do complicated stuff like crevasse rescue, change lightbulbs and drive a car up a mountain road.

Underestimation is a common experience. The author recounts multiple instances of encountering unconscious bias, from a lift operator assuming male tourists in sneakers were more competent than a woman in climbing gear, to a road worker suggesting she was "very silly" to drive her 4WD up a snowy road without chains while waving through men in identical vehicles. These experiences highlight how societal conditioning leads to women's abilities being automatically questioned or dismissed in outdoor contexts.

Patronizing attitudes undermine confidence. Even within outdoor communities, women face condescending remarks, being told they can't achieve certain objectives or having their experiences invalidated by male voices. Social media forums, while offering connection, could also be hostile environments where women were "shredded online" for asking questions or expressing opinions, reinforcing a sense that the alpine world was not "their world."

Building female networks provides crucial support. Recognizing the need for a safe space free from judgment and bias, the author created a private online group for women in the outdoors. This initiative quickly grew, demonstrating a shared need for a supportive community where women could ask questions, share experiences, and encourage each other without fear of being "ripped to pieces," fostering confidence and counteracting the effects of external bias.

3. Respect the Mountains: Tragedies Offer Stark Lessons

There’s a saying: there are old mountaineers, and bold mountaineers, but no old, bold mountaineers.

The wilderness demands skill and caution. The book is punctuated with stories of tragic deaths in the New Zealand mountains, serving as powerful reminders of the inherent risks. From climbers falling into Ruapehu's crater lake or off icy slopes, to parties perishing in blizzards or avalanches, these accounts underscore that even experienced individuals can fall victim to rapidly changing conditions or momentary lapses in judgment.

Learning from others' misfortunes is vital. The author's interest in these tragedies is not morbid curiosity but a practical awareness shaped by near-death experiences. Stories like James Gordon's inability to self-arrest on Ruapehu or the party caught in a blizzard on the Tasman Glacier highlight specific dangers and the importance of skills like self-arrest, carrying appropriate gear, and constantly assessing conditions, even on familiar terrain.

Heuristic traps lead to fatal errors. Several tragedies illustrate common cognitive biases that contribute to accidents:

• Familiarity: Overconfidence on well-known routes (Tom Christie on Fox Glacier).
• Summit Fever: Pushing on despite deteriorating conditions to reach a goal (Jessie Reid on Milford Track).
• Get-home-itis/Hut Lust: Taking risks to reach a destination quickly (author's river crossing, James Butcher at Hooker Hut).
• Expert Halo: Blindly trusting more experienced companions (author's navigation incident).
  These stories reinforce that vigilance and sound decision-making are paramount for survival.

4. Conquering Fear and Self-Doubt Through Incremental Challenges

I guess going on adventures solo makes me feel like I am actually capable and competent under my own steam.

Fear is a significant barrier to progress. The author openly discusses her fears related to specific outdoor challenges, such as navigating steep, icy slopes, crossing swollen rivers, or attempting routes known for fatalities (Sefton Biv, Avalanche Peak). This fear often led to "chickening out" and turning back from objectives, even when conditions might have been manageable, highlighting how self-doubt can limit potential.

Incremental steps build capability. The concept of "scaffolding" or adding "plus one" to existing skills is presented as a way to gradually build competence and confidence. Starting with easier trips, mastering basic skills like using an ice axe and crampons, and slowly increasing the difficulty of objectives allowed the author to expand her comfort zone and gain "known knowns" about the wilderness and her own abilities.

Confronting feared objectives is transformative. A turning point came when the author deliberately set out to tackle objectives she had previously avoided due to fear, such as ascending to Sefton Bivouac. Successfully completing these challenges, often solo, provided a powerful boost to confidence and helped to counteract the feeling of being "less-than" that had eroded her self-belief. This process demonstrated that pushing through fear, even with trepidation, leads to significant personal growth.

5. Finding Home is More Than Just a Physical Place

I envied him having a home and knowing where his place was in the world.

Strategic homelessness was a temporary state. The author's decision to leave Auckland and live nomadically was initially driven by a desire to find a new place to settle and escape the constraints of city life. While this period offered immense freedom and access to the outdoors, it also came with a longing for a stable base and a sense of belonging that a transient lifestyle couldn't fully provide.

The search for belonging extends beyond location. The feeling of being "othered" or excluded, even within outdoor communities, contributed to a sense of not fully belonging. This emotional aspect of seeking a place where one feels accepted and valued ran parallel to the physical search for a home, highlighting that true belonging involves both external acceptance and internal comfort.

Finding a physical home brought a sense of settling. The eventual purchase of a property in Ohakune, near the beloved Ruapehu, marked a significant step in the search for home. Naming the place "Wild Snowflake" symbolized finding a place to finally settle after a period of drifting. This physical anchoring provided a base from which to continue exploring, but also offered a sense of stability and rootedness that had been missing.

6. Pioneering Women Climbers Defied Convention and Blazed Trails

[T]o have blazed one more little path through ignorance and convention, and added one tiny spark to the ever-growing beacon lighted by the women of this generation to help their fellow-travellers climb out of the dark woods and valleys of conventional tradition and gain the fresh, invigorating air and wider view-point of the mountain-tops.

Early women faced significant barriers. Historical figures like Freda du Faur, Constance Barnicoat, and Betsy Blunden challenged deeply ingrained societal norms to pursue mountaineering. They contended with:

• Expectations regarding clothing (skirts vs. trousers).
• Concerns about reputation when traveling unchaperoned with men.
• Exclusion from male-dominated clubs (Alpine Club, Canterbury Mountaineering Club).
• Doubts about their physical and moral capabilities.

They found creative ways to pursue their passion. Despite the obstacles, these women were determined. Freda du Faur compromised with a knee-length skirt, trained rigorously, and used her book to assert her achievements. Constance Barnicoat openly advocated for practical clothing and formed the Ladies' Alpine Club. Betsy Blunden became a guide, proving women's competence on high peaks. Their persistence paved the way for future generations.

Their achievements were often downplayed or questioned. Even when women achieved significant firsts, their accomplishments could be undermined. Lydia Bradey's solo Everest summit without oxygen was questioned by her male teammates. Historical accounts sometimes used passive language to describe women's climbs ("the crossing occurred") while highlighting male guides' actions, subtly diminishing the women's agency and effort.

7. Nature Provides a Powerful Path for Healing and Perspective

When in doubt, tramp it out.

The outdoors offers solace during difficult times. Following personal trauma, tramping became a crucial coping mechanism for the author. The physical act of walking, the immersion in natural landscapes, and the focus required for navigation and self-care provided a necessary distraction and a space to process difficult emotions away from the pressures of daily life.

Solitude allows for introspection and processing. While initially finding aloneness confronting after a period of intense connection, the quiet of the wilderness eventually allowed for introspection. Sitting alone in huts or camping under the stars provided space for feelings to surface and eventually pass, demonstrating that enduring difficult emotions in solitude can be a path towards healing and acceptance.

Challenges in nature build resilience. Overcoming physical obstacles, navigating tricky terrain, and enduring uncomfortable conditions (cold, wet, sandflies) built resilience. Successfully tackling feared objectives, like Sefton Biv, directly contributed to regaining lost confidence and a sense of capability, proving that the challenges of the outdoors can mirror and help overcome personal struggles.

8. Physical Fitness is a Tool for Freedom, Not Just Competition

Weight becomes an issue when you’re tramping; it comes with you to every hut.

Fitness impacts capability and confidence. The author reflects on her initial struggles with weight and fitness, contrasting herself with the lean physiques of climbers like Samuel Turner. She acknowledges that physical condition directly affects the ease and safety of navigating challenging terrain, and that societal focus on weight contributed to her own self-doubt about her abilities in the outdoors.

Training and diet are means to an end. While initially motivated partly by a desire to fit a perceived "climber" image, the focus shifted to improving fitness as a practical necessity for achieving more ambitious tramping and climbing goals. Experimenting with strict diets and high-intensity training was undertaken to enhance performance and reduce pack weight, viewing physical discipline as a tool for expanding possibilities in the wilderness.

The goal is capability, not just appearance. The author's experience of receiving more positive attention after losing weight highlighted the superficiality of societal judgments. However, the true value of increased fitness came from the tangible improvements in her ability to tackle longer, harder trips and feel more confident and self-reliant in challenging environments, demonstrating that physical strength is a pathway to greater freedom and achievement in the outdoors.

9. The Wilderness Holds Hidden Histories and Enduring Mysteries

So much is hidden in Fiordland, and so much is forgotten.

The landscape is layered with human stories. Beyond the natural beauty, the New Zealand wilderness holds countless tales of early explorers, prospectors, settlers, and those who met tragic ends. From the remnants of gold rushes in the Kaweka and West Coast rivers to the failed settlement of Jamestown in Fiordland, the land bears the marks of human ambition, hardship, and sometimes, folly.

Mysteries of the missing persist. The book delves into unsolved disappearances and strange finds, such as the mystery of Miss McHaffie in Arthur's Pass, the skeletal remains found on Taranaki and Avalanche Peak, and the enduring legend of the "lost tribe" (Kāti Mamoe) and elusive moose in Fiordland. These stories highlight the vastness and unforgiving nature of the wilderness, where people and secrets can vanish without a trace.

Historical accounts reveal forgotten details. Researching old newspaper reports and historical documents unearthed fascinating, sometimes gruesome, details about past events and the lives of those who ventured into the wild. These accounts, often written in dramatic language, provide a window into the challenges, attitudes, and social norms of earlier eras, enriching the understanding of the landscapes and the human relationship with them.

10. Trust Your Instincts: Self-Preservation is Paramount

Before I could even comprehend what I was doing, my brain had somehow instructed my body to back the hell out.

Instinct is a powerful survival tool. The author recounts moments where primal instinct overrode conscious thought, such as backing out of a dangerous river crossing in Arthur's Pass or fighting desperately to survive being swept away in Wilkinson Creek. These experiences underscore that sometimes, the body knows the danger before the mind fully processes it, and listening to that gut feeling is crucial for survival.

Learning from near-misses refines judgment. Surviving dangerous situations, like the uncontrolled slide on Ruapehu or the near-drowning, provided visceral lessons that reinforced the importance of skills like self-arrest and river crossing techniques. These experiences, though terrifying, honed the author's ability to assess risk and make better decisions in the future, demonstrating that survival often comes down to a combination of skill, luck, and heeding warnings.

Balancing ambition with caution is key. While pushing limits and tackling challenging objectives is necessary for growth, the book emphasizes the importance of knowing when to turn back. Stories of others who perished after ignoring warnings or pushing on in adverse conditions serve as cautionary tales, reinforcing the lesson that true competence in the wilderness involves not just the ability to go forward, but also the wisdom to retreat when necessary.

Last updated: June 9, 2025