Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

1. Autism is part of a child, not their entire identity

My autism is part of who I am, not all of who I am.

Whole-person perspective. Recognizing a child with autism as a complete individual with diverse thoughts, feelings, and abilities is crucial. Autism is just one aspect of their personality, not their defining characteristic. This perspective allows for a more comprehensive understanding of the child's potential and helps avoid limiting expectations.

Avoid labeling. Refrain from using autism as a primary identifier or excuse. Instead, focus on the child's unique qualities, interests, and strengths. This approach fosters a positive self-image and encourages others to see beyond the diagnosis, promoting inclusivity and understanding in various social settings.

2. Sensory experiences are often out of sync for children with autism

Ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me.

Sensory overload. Children with autism often experience heightened or diminished sensory input, leading to discomfort or distress in everyday situations. This can manifest as:

• Hypersensitivity to sounds, lights, textures, or smells
• Difficulty filtering multiple sensory inputs simultaneously
• Unusual responses to physical touch or temperature

Accommodation strategies. Creating a sensory-friendly environment is crucial for the child's comfort and ability to learn:

• Reduce background noise and visual clutter
• Provide quiet spaces for sensory breaks
• Offer sensory tools like noise-canceling headphones or fidget toys
• Gradually expose the child to new sensory experiences in a controlled manner

3. Distinguish between "won't" and "can't" in behavior

Distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I am not able to).

Understanding behavior. Recognizing the difference between inability and unwillingness is crucial for effective communication and support. "Can't" indicates a lack of skill or understanding, while "won't" suggests a choice. This distinction helps in:

• Identifying areas where the child needs additional support or instruction
• Avoiding misinterpretation of behavior as defiance or laziness
• Developing appropriate strategies for skill-building and motivation

Addressing challenges. When faced with challenging behavior:

1. Assess the situation objectively
2. Consider potential barriers (sensory, communication, or skill-related)
3. Provide necessary support or accommodations
4. Teach and reinforce new skills gradually

4. Concrete thinking requires literal communication

I interpret language literally.

Clear communication. Children with autism often struggle with abstract language, idioms, and figurative speech. To ensure effective communication:

• Use simple, direct language
• Avoid sarcasm, metaphors, and colloquialisms
• Provide explicit instructions and explanations
• Use visual aids to supplement verbal communication

Teaching abstract concepts. While concrete thinking is prevalent, it's possible to gradually introduce more abstract ideas:

• Start with literal meanings and slowly introduce figurative language
• Use visual supports to illustrate abstract concepts
• Provide real-life examples and experiences to build understanding
• Practice interpreting idioms and metaphors in context

5. Listen to all forms of communication, not just verbal

Listen to all the ways I'm trying to communicate.

Non-verbal communication. Many children with autism struggle with verbal expression but communicate through other means:

• Body language and gestures
• Facial expressions
• Behaviors and actions
• Written or typed communication
• Visual aids or symbols

Attentive listening. To better understand and support the child:

• Observe closely for non-verbal cues
• Respond to all communication attempts, even if unconventional
• Provide alternative communication tools (e.g., picture cards, communication devices)
• Encourage and reinforce any form of appropriate communication

6. Visual orientation aids learning and understanding

Picture this! I am visually oriented.

Visual learning strategies. Many children with autism process visual information more effectively than auditory input. Incorporating visual supports can significantly enhance learning and daily functioning:

• Use visual schedules to structure the day
• Provide visual instructions for tasks and routines
• Utilize visual aids in teaching new concepts
• Implement visual behavior supports (e.g., social stories, emotion charts)

Tailored visual supports. Customize visual aids to the child's level of understanding and preferences:

• Determine the appropriate level of representation (objects, photos, drawings, or words)
• Ensure visual supports are age-appropriate and socially acceptable
• Gradually increase complexity as the child's skills improve
• Integrate technology (e.g., tablets, smartphones) for portable visual supports

7. Focus on abilities and strengths, not limitations

Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do.

Strength-based approach. Emphasizing a child's abilities and interests fosters self-esteem and motivation:

• Identify and nurture the child's talents and passions
• Provide opportunities for success and mastery
• Use strengths as a foundation for teaching new skills
• Celebrate achievements, no matter how small

Reframing challenges. Instead of focusing on deficits, view challenges as opportunities for growth:

• Identify the underlying skills needed for difficult tasks
• Break down complex skills into manageable steps
• Provide scaffolding and support to build competence
• Encourage persistence and reward effort

8. Social interactions require specific guidance and support

Help me with social interactions.

Social skills instruction. Children with autism often struggle with social cues and unwritten rules. Explicit teaching of social skills is crucial:

• Break down social interactions into concrete steps
• Use social stories and role-playing to practice scenarios
• Teach perspective-taking and empathy through examples
• Provide opportunities for structured social interactions

Ongoing support. Social skills development is a continuous process:

• Offer in-the-moment coaching during social situations
• Encourage peer interactions in controlled settings
• Teach self-advocacy skills for navigating social challenges
• Provide feedback and reinforcement for positive social behaviors

9. Identify triggers to prevent and manage meltdowns

Identify what triggers my meltdowns.

Understanding meltdowns. Meltdowns are not tantrums but rather a response to overwhelming stress or sensory overload:

• Keep a log of meltdown occurrences to identify patterns
• Consider sensory, communication, and environmental factors
• Recognize early warning signs of distress
• Implement proactive strategies to prevent escalation

Management strategies:

1. Create a calm-down space or toolkit
2. Teach self-regulation techniques (e.g., deep breathing, counting)
3. Reduce demands and provide sensory breaks when needed
4. Develop a crisis plan for severe meltdowns

10. Unconditional love and acceptance are crucial for growth

Love me unconditionally.

Accepting the whole child. Unconditional love and acceptance provide a foundation for growth and self-esteem:

• Separate the child's behavior from their worth as a person
• Avoid comparing the child to others or to societal norms
• Celebrate the child's unique qualities and perspective
• Provide a safe, supportive environment for exploration and learning

Cultivating resilience. A strong, positive relationship helps the child navigate challenges:

• Model self-acceptance and resilience
• Encourage the child to embrace their identity, including their autism
• Teach self-advocacy skills and foster independence
• Build a support network of understanding family, friends, and professionals

Last updated: January 24, 2025