The Deepest Place

1. Suffering is Universal and Often Rooted in Isolation.

To be human is to suffer.

Suffering is inescapable. Life inevitably includes suffering, whether from external circumstances, our own choices, or the process of growth itself. This reality is as ancient as humanity, seen in stories from Genesis onward, and is a defining feature of the human condition that we often try desperately to avoid.

Isolation deepens pain. Suffering is not just the pain itself, but the endurance of that pain over time, often intensified by a sense of being alone. Our deepest suffering can reside in hidden parts of ourselves, buried due to past traumas or shame, making us feel isolated even when surrounded by others.

Anxiety's ancient root. A primal source of anxiety is the terror of abandonment, a fear that we are being intentionally left due to our perceived shamefulness. This fear, rooted in the earliest human stories, drives us to build protective layers that ironically prevent the very connection needed to heal.

2. Hope is Formed, Not Just Felt, Through Suffering.

It is through the development of deeply connected relationships that they come to discover that suffering is, counterintuitively, one of the key features of our world that God uses to bring about the lasting transformation that we who follow Jesus claim that we want in our lives.

Hope is a byproduct. Durable hope isn't something we conjure or simply decide to feel; it's formed through a process, particularly in the crucible of suffering. It emerges not despite our pain, but often as a direct result of engaging with it in a specific way.

Suffering's redemptive role. While not good in itself, suffering serves a unique redemptive purpose in God's economy. It acts as a catalyst for transformation, bringing forth new creation and shaping us into who God intends us to be, even redeeming the experience of suffering itself.

Culture hinders hope. Modern culture trains us to expect life without suffering and to seek immediate relief, making us increasingly fragile. This contrasts with the ancient understanding that suffering is normal and can be a path toward resilience and durable hope.

3. Healing Requires Secure Relational Attachment.

Developing secure attachment is itself the interpersonal neurobiological process by which we are primed to be receptive to what Moses and Jesus described—to love God with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength—as well as what is described in Paul’s letter to the Galatians as a life bearing the fruit of the Spirit.

Attachment is foundational. Our capacity to trust and form hope begins with secure attachment in early relationships, which primes us for receptive love. This embodied, relational dance allows us to feel seen, soothed, safe, and secure (the 4 S's), building the foundation for anticipating a future of goodness.

Embodied faith. Faith in God is not merely cognitive assent but an embodied encounter, grounded in real relationships. We learn to trust God by practicing trust in human relationships, sensing and feeling that trust in our bodies, which makes spiritual truths like justification and grace tangible.

Community as God's body. Healing and hope are most powerfully formed within vulnerable, relational communities—the body of Christ. These communities mediate God's presence and love, providing the "withness" needed to counter isolation and coregulate distress, enabling us to receive and embody grace.

4. Neurobiology Explains the Mechanics of Formation.

This process of the mind, considering the brain’s bottom-to-top and right-to-left neural connectivity, eventually culminates in the development of the middle prefrontal cortex, the physical locale that is most highly correlated with what emerge as uniquely human abilities.

Brain function matters. Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) helps us understand the physical mechanisms behind healing and formation. The brain processes information bottom-up (sensation first) and right-to-left (right hemisphere for embodied/relational processing, left for logic/language), meaning we sense before we make sense.

Key IPNB concepts:

• 4 S's: Seen, Soothed, Safe, Secure - foundational for secure attachment.
• Social Engagement System (SES): Neural networks enabling relational interaction and distress tolerance.
• Window of Tolerance (WOT): Our capacity to handle distressing emotions.
• Coregulation: Calming our nervous system through attuned presence of others.
• Neuroplasticity: The brain's ability to change and form new neural networks through repeated experience.

Mind-body connection. Our minds are embodied and relational processes. Healing involves integrating different domains of the mind (like narrative and temporal) and rewiring neural networks through new, positive relational experiences, making abstract spiritual concepts physically real.

5. God's Glory Transforms Shame in Community.

The glory of God is a reciprocal relationship: it is something forever freely given.

Glory is relational. God's glory is supremely manifested in the loving, reciprocal relationship between the Father and the Son, mediated by the Spirit. This triune dynamism of self-giving love is the glory into which we are invited, not a distant attribute but a present, embodied reality.

Shame meets delight. In vulnerable community, when we reveal our deepest shame and brokenness, we can encounter God's glory through others' eyes. Being met with love, compassion, and even delight in the face of our shame counters the lie that we are unwantable and transforms the shame itself.

Hidden with Christ. Experiencing this embodied love in community gives us a foretaste of being "hidden with Christ in God." It's a preview of the ultimate reality where our shame is put to death and replaced by a new story, held and protected within the divine family.

6. Perseverance Bridges Suffering and Hope.

Perseverance provides the bridge between suffering and hope.

Perseverance is active endurance. Perseverance (or endurance) is the active choice to continue on our path despite hardship. It's not passive resignation but a pushing through, enabled by our connection to Jesus and his body, transforming suffering from an endpoint into a pathway.

Community enables perseverance. We are not meant to persevere alone. The vulnerable community of believers provides the support, attunement, and coregulation needed to sustain effort, especially when old neural networks of shame and isolation are activated.

Practice makes durable. Perseverance is a practice, repeatedly bringing our stories of suffering into the presence of a loving community. This consistent effort, like an athlete training, harnesses neuroplasticity to build new, resilient neural networks that counter old patterns and strengthen our capacity to endure.

7. Character is Forged Through Perseverance.

Character is continually being formed by what we are practicing becoming at any given moment in time.

Perseverance shapes identity. Our character—the enduring traits of who we are—is formed through the process of perseverance. What we repeatedly pay attention to and practice, especially in the face of suffering, becomes deeply embedded in our minds and bodies, shaping our predictable responses.

Character as purified metal. The Greek word for character, dokimē, refers to metal refined of impurities, signifying purity and resilient durability forged through testing. This reflects the process of spiritual formation where suffering, endured with others, purifies and strengthens us.

Integration builds character. Character formation involves integrating the different domains of our mind (sensing, imaging, feeling, thinking, acting) into a coherent whole. This leads to increased flexibility, adaptability, coherence, energy, and stability (FACES), making us more like Jesus.

8. Nourishment and Pruning Shape Character.

Character benefits from nourishment that provides something for us that we otherwise do not have, while pruning restrains or takes away from our mind its activities that would otherwise lead to its disintegration.

Character needs tending. Like a tree, character requires both nourishment and pruning to flourish. Nourishment comes from receiving what we need, primarily through secure attachment and being seen, soothed, safe, and secure in relationships.

Vulnerability nourishes. Counterintuitively, nourishment also comes from giving ourselves away vulnerably, even our weak parts. Like Jesus asking the Samaritan woman for water, our genuine need creates space for others to give, and their response becomes nourishment for us, fostering deeper connection.

Pruning requires saying no. Pruning involves saying no to things that hinder growth, like distractions, overindulgence, or avoiding relational repair. It's the difficult work of delaying gratification and letting go of old coping strategies or desires that ultimately lead to disintegration, making room for healthier patterns.

9. Hope is an Anticipated Future Built on Embodied Love.

Hope, being a feature of our future, becomes something that we form by persevering.

Hope anticipates the future. Hope is fundamentally about our anticipated future, but this anticipation is built on what we remember from our past. For hope to be durable, our memories must include experiences of being loved and enduring hardship within that love.

Hope is co-constructed. We don't form hope alone. It's a collaborative process, directing our attention with others towards something or someone outside ourselves who can faithfully fulfill our longings – ultimately, Jesus, mediated through his body.

Embodied memory fuels hope. Durable hope is formed by repeatedly experiencing and remembering moments of embodied love and presence, especially in suffering. These memories, encoded in our neural networks, become a "foretaste" of the hopeful future promised in Scripture, making it feel real and attainable.

10. God's Poured-Out Love Grounds Hope.

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Hope doesn't disappoint. The hope formed through suffering and perseverance in community does not lead to shame or disappointment. This isn't because the hope itself is inherently perfect, but because it's grounded in the unwavering reality of God's love.

The Spirit's tangible presence. God's love is not an abstract concept; it's poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who is given to us. This indwelling Spirit makes God's love a felt, embodied reality, providing the ultimate secure attachment that undergirds our hope.

Full circle transformation. The journey from suffering to hope is a full circle. It begins with God's love finding us in our isolation, leads to secure attachment, enables perseverance through suffering, forms character, and culminates in a hope that is guaranteed by the continuous outpouring of God's love through the Spirit, transforming our relationship with suffering itself.

Last updated: May 28, 2025