The Gap and The Gain

1. Happiness is a choice, not a pursuit

"There is no way to happiness—happiness is the way."

Happiness as the starting point. The pursuit of happiness, as articulated by Thomas Jefferson, inadvertently sets up an unattainable ideal. By framing happiness as something to be pursued, we imply that it's not present in our current state. This mindset creates a perpetual gap between where we are and where we think we need to be to achieve happiness.

Reframing happiness. Instead of chasing happiness as a future state, we should recognize it as a choice we can make in the present moment. This shift in perspective allows us to appreciate our current circumstances and progress, fostering a sense of contentment and gratitude. By choosing happiness now, we create a positive foundation for future growth and achievement.

Benefits of choosing happiness now:

• Increased appreciation for current circumstances
• Enhanced motivation and productivity
• Improved relationships and social connections
• Better physical and mental health outcomes
• Greater resilience in face of challenges

2. Measure backward to appreciate progress

"The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal."

Shifting perspective. By measuring progress backward, we focus on how far we've come rather than how far we still have to go. This approach helps us appreciate our achievements and growth, boosting confidence and motivation.

Practical application. Regularly reflect on your starting point and the progress you've made. Keep a journal or use a digital tool to track your advancements. This practice not only highlights your growth but also provides valuable insights into your journey.

Ways to measure backward:

• Compare current skills to past abilities
• Review personal and professional milestones
• Reflect on overcome challenges
• Analyze improvements in relationships
• Assess financial progress over time

3. Transform experiences into gains

"Everyone who grows achieves their progress and improvement by transforming frustrating and painful failures into rules and measurements for satisfying success."

Reframing challenges. Instead of viewing difficulties as setbacks, see them as opportunities for growth and learning. This mindset shift allows you to extract value from every experience, positive or negative.

Active learning. Develop a habit of reflection after significant experiences. Ask yourself what you've learned, how you've grown, and how you can apply these insights to future situations. This practice turns every experience into a potential gain.

Steps to transform experiences:

1. Identify the challenge or experience
2. Reflect on emotions and reactions
3. Extract lessons and insights
4. Develop actionable strategies for future application
5. Reframe the experience as a valuable learning opportunity

4. Break free from the "GAP" mindset

"The GAP is found in both mundane and monumental experiences."

Understanding the GAP. The GAP mindset occurs when we focus on what's missing or what we lack, rather than appreciating what we have. This perspective can lead to chronic dissatisfaction and unhappiness, even in the face of significant achievements.

Escaping the GAP. Cultivate awareness of when you're falling into GAP thinking. Practice redirecting your thoughts to focus on your gains and progress. Regularly express gratitude for what you have and how far you've come.

Signs you're in the GAP:

• Constant comparison to others
• Feeling like nothing is ever enough
• Overlooking current achievements
• Fixating on what's missing
• Difficulty feeling satisfied with progress

5. Set self-determined success criteria

"Do you find that no matter how much success you have, you're perpetually dissatisfied with your progress? Does it feel like you're still far from achieving your biggest goals? The problem is not in the quantity or quality of your success and achievements. The problem is how you measure."

Defining personal success. Instead of adopting external definitions of success, create your own criteria based on your values, goals, and aspirations. This approach ensures that your measures of achievement align with what truly matters to you.

Implementing success criteria. Develop a clear set of indicators that represent success in various areas of your life. Regularly review and adjust these criteria as you grow and your priorities evolve.

Areas to consider when setting success criteria:

• Career and professional development
• Personal relationships
• Health and well-being
• Financial goals
• Personal growth and learning
• Community involvement and impact

6. Practice daily gratitude and win-streaking

"Regardless of whether there are any setbacks or there's any disappointments, or there's obstacles that I've run into during the day, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I have my three wins."

Cultivating gratitude. Regularly acknowledging and appreciating positive aspects of your life can significantly boost happiness and well-being. Make gratitude a daily practice to shift your focus towards the positive.

Win-streaking. Identify and celebrate three "wins" each day, no matter how small. This practice helps maintain a positive mindset and builds momentum towards larger goals.

Daily gratitude and win-streaking routine:

1. End each day by writing down three things you're grateful for
2. Identify three "wins" or accomplishments from the day
3. Plan three wins you want to achieve tomorrow
4. Review your gratitude list and wins from the previous day each morning

7. Develop psychological flexibility for growth

"When you're in the GAIN, you become increasingly unique and incomparable as a person."

Embracing change. Psychological flexibility allows you to adapt to new situations, learn from experiences, and grow as an individual. It enables you to navigate challenges more effectively and seize opportunities for personal development.

Cultivating flexibility. Practice being open to new ideas and experiences. Challenge your assumptions and beliefs. Develop the ability to see situations from multiple perspectives and adapt your approach as needed.

Strategies to increase psychological flexibility:

• Practice mindfulness and self-awareness
• Embrace discomfort and uncertainty
• Seek out new experiences and challenges
• Regularly reassess and adjust your goals and beliefs
• Develop a growth mindset

8. Embrace wanting over needing

"The difference between the two words 'need' and 'want' is gargantuan. When you need someone, you lose your independence and agency as a human being. Wanting, on the other hand, is the first step in learning how to love someone."

Shifting from need to want. When we frame our desires as needs, we create unhealthy attachments and dependencies. By reframing our aspirations as wants, we maintain our autonomy and approach goals from a place of choice rather than desperation.

Applying the want mindset. Examine your goals and relationships. Are you approaching them from a place of need or want? Adjust your language and thinking to emphasize choice and desire rather than necessity.

Benefits of wanting over needing:

• Increased personal agency and autonomy
• Healthier relationships and attachments
• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Greater satisfaction with achievements
• Enhanced ability to adapt to changes

9. Optimize your pre-sleep routine for success

"What you do during the hour before your bedtime—the 'sweet spot'—is critically important."

Importance of pre-sleep habits. The hour before sleep significantly impacts your sleep quality, next-day performance, and long-term success. Optimizing this time can lead to better rest, increased productivity, and improved overall well-being.

Creating an effective routine. Design a pre-sleep routine that promotes relaxation, reflection, and preparation for the next day. Avoid stimulating activities and focus on calming, positive practices.

Components of an effective pre-sleep routine:

1. Disconnect from electronic devices 30-60 minutes before bed
2. Practice relaxation techniques (e.g., deep breathing, meditation)
3. Review your day's accomplishments and express gratitude
4. Plan your top priorities for the next day
5. Engage in light reading or journaling
6. Create a comfortable sleep environment

Last updated: January 22, 2025