The Language of Letting Go

1. Trust the process of recovery and let go of control

Recovery is not about eliminating our personality. Recovery aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives.

Let go of control. Recognize that trying to control every aspect of your life and the lives of others is futile and exhausting. Instead, focus on what you can control: your own actions, reactions, and choices. Trust that your Higher Power and the universe have a plan for you, even when you can't see it.

Surrender to the process. Understand that recovery is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and persistence. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. Trust that each step forward, no matter how small, is progress. Remember that growth often comes from discomfort, and embracing the challenges will lead to personal transformation.

• Practice daily surrender through meditation or prayer
• Focus on one day at a time, rather than overwhelming yourself with the big picture
• Celebrate small victories and milestones in your recovery journey

2. Practice self-care and set healthy boundaries

We can learn to take care of ourselves in relationships without feeling guilty.

Prioritize self-care. Recognize that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but essential for your well-being and ability to help others. Develop a self-care routine that addresses your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. This might include exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, hobbies, and time for relaxation.

Set and maintain boundaries. Learn to identify your limits and communicate them clearly to others. Understand that healthy boundaries protect you and your relationships. Practice saying "no" to requests or situations that don't align with your values or well-being. Remember that you are not responsible for others' feelings or reactions to your boundaries.

• Identify areas in your life where you need stronger boundaries
• Practice assertive communication to express your needs and limits
• Regularly assess and adjust your boundaries as you grow and change

3. Embrace acceptance and gratitude in all circumstances

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.

Cultivate acceptance. Recognize that resistance to what is causes suffering. Practice accepting people, situations, and circumstances as they are, without trying to change or control them. This doesn't mean you approve of everything, but rather that you acknowledge reality without fighting it.

Practice gratitude daily. Make a conscious effort to focus on what you're grateful for, even in challenging times. Gratitude shifts your perspective from lack to abundance and helps you appreciate the present moment. It can improve your mood, relationships, and overall well-being.

• Keep a daily gratitude journal, listing three things you're thankful for
• Practice mindfulness to stay present and appreciate the small joys in life
• Challenge negative thoughts by finding something positive in difficult situations

4. Recognize and honor your feelings without judgment

We can learn to face and feel our anger, let it go, and let the anger move us forward—into a new decision, a better life.

Acknowledge all feelings. Understand that all emotions, including difficult ones like anger, fear, and sadness, are valid and serve a purpose. Allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment or attempts to suppress them. Recognize that feelings are temporary and will pass.

Use feelings as information. Learn to listen to what your emotions are telling you about your needs, boundaries, and values. Use this information to guide your actions and decisions. Practice expressing your feelings in healthy ways, such as through journaling, art, or conversations with trusted friends or a therapist.

• Develop emotional awareness by regularly checking in with yourself
• Practice naming and describing your feelings without attaching stories to them
• Use "I" statements to express your feelings to others without blaming

5. Cultivate healthy relationships and communication

We do not have to forfeit our personal power to people, places, or things.

Build authentic connections. Focus on developing relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Recognize that healthy relationships involve give and take, with both parties feeling valued and supported. Let go of toxic relationships that drain your energy or compromise your well-being.

Practice effective communication. Learn to express yourself clearly and assertively, while also listening actively to others. Be honest about your thoughts, feelings, and needs, and encourage others to do the same. Avoid blame, criticism, and defensiveness in your interactions.

• Practice active listening: focus on understanding rather than formulating responses
• Use "I" statements to express your needs and feelings without accusing others
• Regularly check in with your partner or close friends to maintain open communication

6. Develop financial responsibility and abundance mindset

We deserve to be paid what we're worth. We will be paid what we're worth when we believe we deserve to be.

Take control of your finances. Recognize that financial health is an important aspect of overall well-being. Develop a budget, track your expenses, and set financial goals. Work on paying off debts and building savings. Remember that your worth is not determined by your financial status.

Cultivate an abundance mindset. Challenge scarcity thinking and beliefs that limit your financial potential. Recognize that there are ample opportunities and resources available to you. Focus on gratitude for what you have while working towards your financial goals.

• Create a realistic budget and review it regularly
• Educate yourself about personal finance through books, courses, or workshops
• Practice affirmations that reinforce positive beliefs about money and abundance

7. Nurture your spiritual growth and connection

We can trust that when life doesn't work out the way we want, God has something better planned.

Develop a personal spiritual practice. Explore different spiritual practices to find what resonates with you, such as meditation, prayer, nature walks, or reading inspirational literature. Remember that spirituality is personal and doesn't necessarily mean organized religion.

Connect with a higher power. Cultivate a relationship with a higher power or source of wisdom and guidance, as you understand it. This can provide comfort, strength, and direction in your life. Trust that there is a greater plan at work, even when you can't see it.

• Set aside daily time for spiritual reflection or practice
• Explore different spiritual traditions and teachings to broaden your perspective
• Seek out a spiritual community or mentor for support and guidance

8. Embrace change and learn from life's challenges

We're learning to let go of our martyr or victim role.

Welcome change as growth. Recognize that change is a natural and necessary part of life. Instead of resisting it, try to see change as an opportunity for growth and new experiences. Trust that you have the resilience to adapt to new circumstances.

Find lessons in challenges. Reframe difficulties as opportunities to learn and develop new skills or perspectives. Ask yourself what each challenge can teach you about yourself, others, or life. Use these insights to become stronger and more resilient.

• Practice flexibility in your daily life by trying new things or altering your routine
• Journal about past challenges and identify the positive outcomes or lessons learned
• Develop a growth mindset by focusing on effort and learning rather than fixed abilities

9. Practice self-love and release shame and guilt

We are free to be who we are, to listen to and trust ourselves.

Cultivate self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and has flaws. Practice forgiving yourself for past actions and focus on learning and growing from them.

Challenge negative self-talk. Become aware of your inner critic and work on replacing negative self-talk with more balanced and supportive thoughts. Recognize that many of your self-critical beliefs may be based on past experiences or others' opinions, not current reality.

• Practice daily self-affirmations that reinforce your worth and capabilities
• Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and boost your self-esteem
• Seek therapy or counseling to work through deep-seated shame or guilt

10. Take responsibility for your own happiness and growth

We're learning that for a variety of reasons, we've spent much of our life focusing on form rather than substance.

Own your choices. Recognize that you are responsible for your own happiness and well-being. While you can't control everything that happens to you, you can control your responses and actions. Make conscious choices that align with your values and goals.

Commit to lifelong learning. Embrace a mindset of continuous growth and development. Set personal goals and work consistently towards them. Seek out new experiences, knowledge, and skills that expand your horizons and challenge you to grow.

• Regularly assess your life and set SMART goals for personal growth
• Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences, without blaming others
• Seek out mentors or role models who inspire you to be your best self

Last updated: January 22, 2025