The Let Them Theory

1. Reclaim Your Power: Stop Managing Others

The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people.

Energy Drain. The core message of the Let Them Theory is about reclaiming personal power by ceasing the futile attempt to control other people's thoughts, feelings, and actions. This constant management is a significant drain on your time, energy, and overall well-being. Instead of trying to orchestrate the world around you, focus on what you can control: your own responses and actions.

The Illusion of Control. Many people believe that if they say the right things or act in a certain way, they can manipulate others into behaving as they wish. This is an illusion. Other people will do what they want, regardless of your efforts. Accepting this reality is the first step toward liberation.

Empowerment Through Release. By releasing the need to manage others, you free yourself to focus on your own goals, dreams, and happiness. This shift in focus not only improves your own life but also transforms your relationships, as you stop trying to force others into a mold and start accepting them for who they are.

2. Let Them + Let Me: The Two-Part Freedom Formula

The 5 Second Rule changed my relationship with myself. The Let Them Theory changed my relationship with other people.

The Complete Equation. The Let Them Theory isn't just about letting go; it's a two-part process. "Let Them" involves releasing the need to control others, while "Let Me" focuses on taking responsibility for your own actions and responses. This combination creates a powerful framework for personal empowerment and improved relationships.

From Reaction to Action. "Let Them" helps you detach from situations and avoid being consumed by other people's behavior. "Let Me" then empowers you to take control of your own life, making conscious choices about how you want to respond and what you want to create.

Balance and Harmony. The theory is not about superiority or indifference; it's about balance. It's about giving others the space to live their lives while simultaneously taking responsibility for your own. This creates a harmonious dynamic where both you and the other person can thrive.

3. Stress Less: Control Your Reactions, Not the World

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

The Stress Hijack. Stress is a physiological state that can hijack your brain, preventing you from thinking clearly and making rational decisions. This is why it's crucial to learn how to manage your stress response and avoid letting minor irritations ruin your day.

The Power of Pause. The Let Them Theory provides a simple yet effective way to reset your stress response. When faced with a stressful situation, say "Let Them" to acknowledge that you can't control it, then say "Let Me" to take a breath and regain control of your reaction.

Protect Your Energy. By consciously choosing not to react to trivial annoyances, you protect your time, energy, and peace of mind. This allows you to focus on what truly matters and live a more fulfilling life.

4. Opinions Are Like Elbows: Everyone's Got 'Em

The truth is, people will have negative opinions about you and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change this fact.

The Opinion Delusion. Many people waste time and energy trying to control what others think of them. This is a futile effort, as everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and you can't force them to think positively about you.

Freedom Through Acceptance. The Let Them Theory encourages you to give people the freedom to think whatever they want about you. This releases you from the burden of trying to please everyone and allows you to live your life authentically.

Your Worth, Your Choice. Other people's opinions don't define your worth. You are the one who decides what matters and how you want to live your life. By prioritizing your own values and goals, you can create a life that makes you proud, regardless of what others may think.

5. Emotional Immaturity: It's Not Your Circus, Not Your Monkeys

Most adults are just eight-year-old children inside of big bodies.

Adult Tantrums. Many adults haven't learned how to process their emotions in a healthy way and resort to childlike behaviors like giving the silent treatment, pouting, or throwing tantrums. It's not your responsibility to manage their emotional immaturity.

Compassion, Not Control. The Let Them Theory encourages compassion for those who struggle with their emotions, but it also emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and protecting yourself from their negativity.

Focus on Your Response. When someone is acting emotionally immature, say "Let Them" to acknowledge that you can't control their behavior. Then, say "Let Me" to take responsibility for your own response and avoid getting drawn into their drama.

6. The Right Decision Often Feels Wrong: Trust Your Gut

You can’t let your emotions drive your decisions, because they will often stop you from making the right decisions.

Emotional Roadblocks. Making the right decision, especially in matters of the heart, can be incredibly difficult because it often involves causing pain to others. This can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and self-doubt, making it tempting to avoid the truth.

Values-Driven Choices. The Let Them Theory encourages you to separate your emotions from your decisions and focus on your values. What is the most courageous, honorable, and kind thing to do in this situation, even if it's painful?

Long-Term Vision. While it's natural to want to avoid causing immediate pain, it's important to consider the long-term consequences of your choices. Sometimes, making a difficult decision now can prevent even greater pain and suffering down the road.

7. Friendship: Quality Over Quantity, Acceptance Over Expectation

So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.

The Great Scattering. Adult friendships often change due to factors like distance, different life stages, and shifting priorities. It's important to accept that friendships may come and go, and to focus on the quality of your connections rather than the quantity.

The Three Pillars. Proximity, timing, and energy are the three pillars that support strong friendships. When one or more of these pillars is missing, it can be difficult to maintain a close connection.

Go First. The Let Them Theory encourages you to be proactive in creating and maintaining friendships. Be the one to reach out, make plans, and offer support, without expecting anything in return.

8. Motivate by Inspiring: Lead by Example, Not by Nagging

People only change when they feel like it.

The Motivation Myth. You can't force someone to change. People only change when they are ready and motivated to do so themselves. Pressuring or nagging someone to change will only create resistance and resentment.

The Power of Influence. Instead of trying to control others, focus on inspiring them through your own actions. Model the behavior you want to see and make it look fun and easy.

The ABC Loop. Apologize for pressuring, Ask open-ended questions, Back off and observe their behavior, Celebrate progress while you continue to model change. This approach creates a supportive environment that encourages intrinsic motivation.

9. Support, Don't Rescue: Empower Others to Rise

The more you rescue, The more they sink.

The Rescue Trap. While it's natural to want to help someone who is struggling, rescuing them from their problems can actually hinder their healing and growth. Enabling behavior prevents them from facing the consequences of their actions and developing the strength to overcome their challenges.

Support with Boundaries. The Let Them Theory encourages you to offer support without taking over. Set clear boundaries and allow others to face the natural consequences of their choices.

Believe in Their Strength. The most powerful thing you can do is to believe in their ability to get better. Offer encouragement, compassion, and a safe space for them to work through their struggles, but ultimately, let them take responsibility for their own healing.

10. Choose the Love You Deserve: Set Your Standards High

You’ll never feel ready to change your life. One day, you just get tired of your own excuses and force yourself to do it.

The Love You Deserve. You deserve to be in relationships that are loving, supportive, and fulfilling. Don't settle for less than you deserve.

Let Them Show You. The Let Them Theory encourages you to pay attention to people's behavior, not just their words. If someone isn't treating you with the respect and care you deserve, it's time to walk away.

You Are the Love of Your Life. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. By prioritizing your own needs, desires, and happiness, you set the standard for every other relationship in your life.

Last updated: February 4, 2025